I never thought
I would want to
wrap myself in someone else's
hoodies and
beanies and
arms.
And then I met you
and I want to just
wrap myself into everything about you
and breathe you into me.

I will never forget the time I laid my head on your chest.

We had talked most of the night and my eyelids were getting heavy but I didn't want this to end.

If I fell asleep, it would be like none of this had happened.

We were talking and you kept running your hands through my hair looking at me like I was some sort of safe place and I've never felt my stomach flip so much.

And I looked at you, my ear against your heart feeling this steady beat, and I said

"It's like your heart is trying to burst out of your chest and into my head, which is so weird since it's all I think about".

It was the cheesiest thing that's ever slipped out from behind my teeth and rolled off my tongue and my face was on fire.

You just looked at me smiling, beaming at me, and you placed your hand on my heart and I could swear that it was going to grow wings and fly away and you said.

"You heart feels like it's trying to jump out of you and make place where my heart just left".

And if that wasn't the sweetest thing I've heard, I will fall over when I hear it.

You kissed my head and your eyes slipped closed and I knew this was coming to an end.

So I snuggled in closer, breathed you in one last time and devastation has never felt so heavy in my chest.

As my eyes shut, the sun rose and my alarm went off and you were gone. It's hard to feel your heart break first thing in the morning.

I write about love
like I'm in it
or like I even know what it is
when really
I think I write about it
to reassure myself
that I can maybe feel something.

It's hard to imagine that just a year ago everything was different.
You were showing me music
and how to play guitar
and how video games work
and we were talking about God
and you were tickling my feet
and giggles were spilling from my mouth like accidents
and your eyes
they were on fire.
It's hard to imagine that just a year ago I was wrapping your Christmas present.
But now
You only talk to me when we know no one is looking
and I can't ask you how your day at work was
and you steal glances at me
and you know it's wrong
and I can still see glimmers of that fire
and you drew this imaginary line between us
and you covered it in barbed wire and glass and broken promises and sadness
and I stay away because I can't stand to be hurt anymore.
But all I can remember
are the songs you used to sing to me
and the way your eyes wrinkle when you smile
and the promise I made to myself
that I would forget about it
and stop writing about you.

They say the heart knows what it wants

And that's fine it's just


What if I think my heart is trying to **** me


By trying to cram everything it knows it can't have

Inside until eventually I explode into a million pieces


Of regret and want?