I used to find
Such comfort
in darkness.

The shadows were like old friends
Coming out to tell me goodnight
to wrap themselves inside me.

Recently I've noticed
My friends have put on masks
and their teeth are gleaming in the moonlight

Coming to slip into my lungs
To put a weight in my chest
Ignoring my gasps until it's too late.

I had to start sleeping with a light on
So my friends couldn't sneak up on me
I want to turn it off, let whatever happens

Happen.

I'm too old to be afraid of the dark.

I very rarely feel this way anymore
Feel like my entire life is spinning out of control
like a car that found that one spot of black ice.

I constantly have to remind myself
That I'm not sixteen anymore,
I'm twenty-two god ****** and I shouldn't go through this anymore.

Sometimes it's like yesterday,
Sitting alone, crying hating everything about myself,
Showing my own pain on my skin.

And I hate it, I know it's wrong,
But that doesn't stop me from thinking
That the red lines look so pretty against porcelain.

I really shouldn't feel this way anymore,
I should have a better way to deal with this.
I'm twenty-two you know.

But sixteen was easier.

I keep trying to write words down
but my thoughts are so full of
you
you
you
that everything I try to write down
comes out mushy and embarrassing.

I just
Want to
Let you
Know that
I still
Feel your
Arms around
Me sometimes
But never
at the
right time
and never
In the
night time
when I
crave to
feel it
the most

I don't know how to handle the fact that you seem to have crawled into my head.
How you've managed to push out every other thought I normally have and replace it with you.
I can't stop thinking that we've known each other so long and I'm only now seeing you.
I keep thinking about how you kissed me when were were thirteen.
And I thought it was silly because you were lanky and just so you.
And now I think it's silly that I'm giggling at all your jokes and just begging for you to lean down and try again.
And it's so **** weird to me that it took nine years to see this.
But we have both grown.
You're still tall and lanky but with a confidence only ironic tshirts and flannels and working at a coffee shop can bring you.
And I mean I don't hate myself every time I look in the mirror so yeah we're growing.
So is there anyway I can convince you to try again?
Because I swear I won't find it silly this time.

I keep finding myself lost in my mind
wondering what happens after
all this.
Do we just sleep
like an endless ocean of night time?
And does anyone know
that I'm scared of the dark?

Tonight I feel
like I saw you for the first time.
And you woke up the butterflies
That I thought would
never fly again.