I only remember being hurt
Can't recall what it was worth
Could something have happened?
That made you disappear

Turn around and come back
Your love is what I lack
Making sense of what is left
You stole my heart, you ******* theft

Someone mentioned you to me
It reminded me of when it was we
So I'm wondering if you are fine
Wishing our lives were still entwine

I coped with it every day
Each time a different way
Think of a feeling, I felt it
Each one making me feel like ****

I should have gotten over you
Still longing to hear you say I love you to
I couldn't shake that empty feeling
For your forgiveness, I'm ever waiting

Someone mentioned you to me
It reminded me of when it was we
So I'm wondering, if you are fine
Wishing our lives were still entwine

my replacing takes part by small
designs. displacements accumulate,
until some day you look
out the window or
breathe to check you're still
alive; and, like that,
this weight will be gone.
this burden, effortlessly
dissipating.
this lament reaches from all hollows.

'cause you only reap from seeds
sown, right? it never
rained once.

you know, though,
i, likewise, never threw a single one down,
and instead just bit my tongue,
carrying out schematic emptinesses.
these hollows fill out and
encompass the entire world;

at the focus of everything,
i act out absolutes
and do nothing at all.

these new fields still look
burnt. i still turn soil, hoping for
salvation.
what if it rains?
will i cope?
will i drown?

i still have not stumbled into strength
i have tripped and fallen
and hit my head on it
a few times

but i still have not drank
from the cup of the powerful
pervaded by wasted persuasion and doubt full
security in vacillating hours of uncertainty
turning eyes away from the ******
of crows in the front yard

sore stomach, gutter bored
tired of listening to concerns
about the unimportant things
while winter worms it's way in
to the earth singing suffering
while ice meteors fall from storm clouds
in ohio

i wonder where they come from
and all you really want to know
is what i think about
what you are thinking about
and i wonder if you have ever wondered
what i was thinking about
but i do not make hopeful bets
on boys who live in cities
and do not think
about storm clouds in ohio

there's 14,000 pre-written messages you can write inside a sympathy card,
but there's not a single one to describe the sadness i feel,
right now.

i could file a missing persons report,
but the police would think i was stupid if they turned up,
and i told them the only thing missing was a piece of my heart.

sixteen months is a very long time to wait for someone,
but i would do it all again,
if it meant you were mine,
even for a very short time.

i think the worst part about human beings,
is the fact that,
no matter what,
you will never,
ever,
ever,
really know,
exactly,
how one person,
feels about you,

because in the end, words are emtpy.
words are shallow.

tips of hats
hand-blown kisses
closing of doors
goodbye wishes

eight a.m.
five years old
eternal memories my heart still holds

1.

do Drugs because without Drugs
there is no inspiration
without inspiration
there is no Drugs

this is all said with wide distant looks
with swinging wrists
fingers comb the hair
fingers pick at the skin

without Drugs
there is no poetry

no music
no ambition
no sleep

there is no awkwardly standing there
as he tells you,

little bee, joust teen mean huts

there is no biased observer
watching the Drugged tumble
like laundry
down stairs.

surely this can’t be a good idea

don’t try to leave
don’t be awkward

surely

2.

do Drugs because you will see
finally see!
things no one else could ever see

so swallow that joint
eat that pill
smoke those shrooms,
but for the love of GOD!
not by themselves
place them strategically
in a peanut butter sandwich
like stars in a constellation

you will know better next time
he tells you to smoke shrooms

you will feel your bare feet
but you’re wearing socks!
you will feel like you’re crying
but there aren’t any tears!
you will see your curtains take the shape of your mother
folding her arms
looking down at you
wearing a dress
that isn’t her color
or her size
or her style
or even her at all

finally you will see these things
that you were never able to see before

question the experience
and he will sigh
with sighs of such size
that say you just don’t understand

3.

do Drugs because you will realize

Alex Grey paintings
in that pin-up calendar
will mean so much more

which painting is brightly looming over your birth month?
oh, so, the one that looks quite good
where the subject’s skin is transparent
revealing muscles and veins and organs
a stock buddhist symbol glowing on their forehead
their mouth agape
a misty sort of energy
radiating from their body
swallowed by neon

what a coincidence

mine, too

he’s a Grey-t artist, isn’t he?
don’t say this
despite how clever it sounds

4.

do Drugs because
there will be a moment
when that cartooned weasel
with his too-appropriate leather jacket
and lollipop stick ***** from a snaggled lip
and Nancy Reagan
her wild hair
her eyes that seem to be sinking inward
will seem like the same person

this is just your guilt
your incessant questioning
of what is right
and what is rite

your wanting to just say no
and to just do it
resting in the same swaying sweaty hammock

your waning spirit to overthink

and he will just look at you
as though no one feels
the way you do

you will never understand

5.

do Drugs because you must understand
because you’ve always understood
because you’ve always been understanding

intangible ideas will whisper vaguely at you
that you thought you knew enough about

you just aren’t feeling the love like we are
you just aren’t seeing the universe like we are
you just aren’t feeling the energy like we are
you just aren’t seeing the beauty of things like we are

love universe energy beauty
these things are simple
when gruffly whispered
over a slice of space cake

this space cake is out of this world!
don’t say this
despite how clever it sounds

6.

do Drugs because
you will have the perfect disorder
for your flaws

flaw and disorder

I’m out of it because
I might of inhaled a little
too much

I’m thankless because
of a pill I should not have
taken

I’m jittery because
I swallowed a couple
extra

I’m sleepy because
I would rather feel this way than look
at you

I fell down the stairs
because it’s Cinco de Mayo
and I can’t find my grinder
and I’m surprised that you’re sober
and I can’t feel my shoulder
and I’m surprised you’re not older

I swear I’m not always like this

Noise seeps in through the cracks
in my fragile mind;
mixed chatter in cahoots with childish laughter
ignite a migraine (of sorts).
They know nothing but this.