I should be writing
should be deciding whose saying what
going where and doing this
or that
but instead I'm pouring *****
into whatever juice can take it
instead I'm ******* cigarettes
down to three a day
instead I'm stuck here
waiting
for what, even I'm unsure
replaying used up fantasies
of what might have
should have been
anything
to keep from writing.

Not going to lie and say I love you
because I don't, probably
but I want you,
oh do I want you
and deserve you
yes, deserve
I deserve you.
A girl so soft
so sweet
sweet loving tender
beautiful
Librarian girl
like you.

Yes, I deserve
deserve a night, a chance, a moment
with those long
long legs
writhing wrapping smoothly
luscious lip *******
gasping
moving moving kissing
pulling clasping sticky sweet honey
coated candid book girl
oh do I want
me my skin to yours
bones and nerves tingling
tongue holding tasting
maybe
just needing a chance
a moment
a night
a lurid ***** fantasy
with precious lovely
bookish you.

Sometimes I think I love you.

When we're *******
and you're pounding
pounding into me
and I'm feeling
feeling everything
and I want to forget
I want to
want to
imagine
pretend I'm there
right there with you
instead of
and please
please
please don't kiss me
don't break my illusion
break me
not the illusion
I can only take so much
before the guilt bubbles over
before I can't look at you
look at your love for me
and I don't know what I'd do
don't know what I'd do without you
always watching me
watching out for me
over me
the goal
the trophy
the girl who doesn't
couldn't want like you
but Sometimes
I think I love you
and maybe I'd be happy.

Sometimes I think I love you.

When you're quiet and open
and I can see
see right through
to your soul
your heart
our minds intertwined
and I want so badly but I
and the looks
the looks you give me
your eyes burning
burning my flesh
with desire and it's so so
so nice to be desired
to be craved
and I wish I could be but I
and you're touching
touching me all over
and maybe I can pretend
pretend for you
my friend
my confidant
my dear
with everything I've
put us through
put you through
was it really so silly
to think maybe I'd be...

Sometimes I think I love you.

When I've had a little too
too much wine
and I'm a little too
too lonely
and you're there
you're always
always there
and I don't care
I don't care if it's not really
I don't care if I'm only
only pretending
because you're moving
moving above me
against me
above me
against me
you keep moving
and you love me
love me truly
heart achingly
beautifully
and I wish I could be
thought I might be
want so badly
to believe
that maybe I'd be...

Sometimes I think I love you.

When you were far but within sight
and my blood would boil
heart racing
fingers clawing at the air
and I'd fight the urge to call for you
run to you
leap atop your back
and plunge a blade between your shoulders
for making it so so hard
to live without you
and think maybe I'd be...

Sometimes I think I love you.

When we were apart and every thought
every wish was you
you in my head
in my dreams
in my ****
when he just wasn't you
and I thought
I thought maybe if
I could pretend
then maybe I'd be...