my head is filled
with waves of memories
from simpler times
the happiness
i remember
fills me
with a melancholic
longing

it was me
i've lost

and the image
i see in the mirror
is a stranger

what have i become?
when did it all slip away?
and more importantly...

how can i get it back?

love, untethered
may capture
the wrong
heart.

that couple in the corner
might be in love
it's hard to tell
she laughs
drunkenly
a bit too loudly
at something
he has said
he considers her
with lust
knowing
if he hits the right note
she is his

the sky above me
sings in the morning light
pulling me to wake
coaxing me
to try

the burden
of past days
melts
if just a little
with the promise
of a new start

i want to be a part
i crave just a bit
of willingness

the doors i've secured
around me
struggle to be opened
but the stubborn part of me
forms a solid lock
of solitude.

a blended atmosphere
of love and hate
surrounds me
sometimes suffocating
sometimes freeing
my mind twirls
with feelings
of hopelessness
and want
need
and appreciation

and indifference

i wish i cared more
i wish i loved more
i wish i needed more

a cement block
can only be broken
with force

i search for that force
to break me

free.

skipping through life
following the
ordinary
riding the waves
of normal
cashing in
on what's
expected
a life filled
him
      her
the added
              2.5
BA
BS
MD
   SUV
RSVP
        FYI
ASAP
AAA
AM/PM
ETC...
         DOA
A-list
who cares!!!
we are flesh
meat
bones
grey matter
that twists
turns
vibrates
to the emotions
that we feed
nurture
shape
mold
and           encourage

live it
love it

BE

clandestine arrangement
                            planned
               prepped
  cleansed
                          scoured
             scrubbed
shaved
                       powdered
fragranced
practiced
                     and pretended

to end up




home alone.