I saw a magpie today
standing there solitary
fear of childhood nursery
a rhyme drummed into me

‘One for Sorrow’

Checking no-one was near
Compelled by fear
I whisper
“Good morning, Mr. Magpie
How’s the wife and family”

I’m feeling absolutely silly
and then my heart leaped with joy
along came Mrs. Magpie

Saved by superstition
rhymes truth came to fruition

‘One for sorrow, two for joy’
I happily wave them both goodbye

If my ***** could grip tighter it would

it would swallow you whole if she could

she’d stop you coming so quick

just to have more time with your ****

This ***** is greedy and selfish

your shaft her favourite dish

she’ll let you lap up her cream

your *****’s passion supreme

Bridezilla is on the rampage
slightest mishap starts to rage
place settings, table plans
hair pulling, feet dance
screams and tantrums
plate dodging chums
stressing over money
I’m so not funny
hubby-2-be was being tongue-in-cheek
unaware of the havoc I can wreak
he’s in the doghouse for a week
my company is not for the meek

If he could see himself through my eyes

his head wouldn’t fit through the door

If it’s the size I see it as

his **** would be hitting the floor

If we did it as much as I want

I wouldn’t be able to walk no more

If he cares half as much as I do

being together will never be a chore