What to do when everything seems like it's caving in on you at once.
What to do when the ones you love sitting behind bars caged like a animal,
What to do when you trying to do the best you can in life no matter what it is job, family, finances, relationship, and life in general.
What to do when you have loses of loved ones and no where to turn but to go back and remember the conversations that you had with them.
What to do when the little phrases like never put all your eggs into one basket a phrase you heard all the time when you was a child never knowing what it meant till now.
What to do to find the piece in your heart to fill your life with the happiness you want so bad but can never seem to grasp.
What to do when your trying to grab at happiness and joy but can never grab it.
What to do when you finally grab ahold of Joy and happiness and never let go of it.
Fighting to take that first breath when you are first born. Fighting the good in the bed while growing up in life.
There is so much good and pain in life as it goes on getting older and a little more wiser ever day and experiencing the worst things that happen in life also some things you don't expect to happen to you.
I think there is always someone who went through more than me and one day things are going to get better in life plus I always think that god doesn't put on us what we can not bare and what trials he does take us through will make us stronger.
I think of that saying everyday as I get older and older and one thing I hold on to is one day having all my children back in my life.
There is nothing harder than a mother not being able to be in her children life seeing them grow up and being there to help them grow up missing all there birthday parties, holidays, and especially holding, hugging, and giving them all the kisses in the world to tell them how much you love them.
Then the tears come down your face cause you missing them so fighting to hold yourself together just to see the day when all this happens. Having the strength to keep going on fighting till the day comes just staying strong and fighting the hurt that is in your heart.
Why I never put all your eggs in one basket cause if someone wanted to have a relationship with someone to have that real love that they deserve. One day that someone comes along proofs that he is the one then he proposed and you say yes but then something goes wrong and that person is gone within a blink of an eye and for so long you try to find that love again but it feels like you will never find it but then one day you drop everything to give someone a change to get that love you had for that person that was taken away from you that you would have gave the world to. Then God brings someone in your path that maybe can bring that love out of you once again but then that person assumed something that never even happened the way they say but you try to believe what words they speak to you but then that changed because you that something was going to be magical but turns out its really its not to be. But you decide to give that love they truly want from you but when you give that love that person always disappears out of your life so now even though you start to give this person what they telling you what they want but don't
Life starts out as a child you think being a child would be the most wonderful thing but it turns out not to be have had the worst childhood I could ever have.
Then you get older things look like there going to be better than your childhood but it does for a little while but then that’s the same way as a child just in different ways.
Then you become an adult thinking life get better get in a relationship, get engaged get married then that’s even worse getting a Devore so then you move on for awhile be alone then someone comes along and put it all back together find someone else but then god takes his life so back alone again now you think the third time get better but then you find out everything is a lie so that’s not good.
So now I’m at this point now where I just don’t no what’s going to happen do I reall want to keep going on or give up.
Decisions in life are so hard when all you want is to be loved and be a queen to the one soulmate but can’t find the right one you think you do but it just never seems to get any better no matter how good you are to yourself and other people you still get the raw end of the stick. Will my life get better as I get old or not life is just a ?
Unknowing is the worst feeling you can ever have not knowing what’s going to happen the next day or further in the future.
Unknowing when you will see a person you love all so well that came from the growth of your belly.
Unknowing when that person will be free from being locked up in you mind, heart, body, and soul.
Unknowing when you will see your child from being locked up behind bars like a caged animals.
Unknowing when you will see your loved ones that gone home in the heavens above.
Unknowing how to love again once it is ripped away from you.
Unknowing when your heart will heal again from all the pain you been through.
Unknowing if you will still be alive to reconnect and make thing right.
Unknowing the unknowing is like the Pitts of hell burning day and night.
Unknowing the unknowing can make you or break but it is up to you to let the unknowing make you the strong person we are today.
This is for some very special people in my life some I have lost some I don’t know if I will ever see again but one thing I can say is I do love you and miss you dearly.
Losses of my life first stared when I was born to have loving parents that’s supposed to protect you. The losses when your parents are not there to protect you in life. Then grow through life with even more losses. Losses of childhood memories thing that happened to you in life is when the losses in your life is more than the goods in your life. Then your adult life comes when you start your own life on a journey of happiness witch results in losses marriage lost children lost life of losses. Then death comes with losses of loved ones first my nephew then my 3 children who didn’t get to see life grandparent cousin and the man that proposed to me passed. So many losses in life and now all the losses have changed my life cause I feel so alone and afraid to have anyone in my life because everything that I have had in my life I have lost. So many losses.
Love, you can love someone so much just to them out of your life so the love turns to hate. Happy, you can be the happiest person in the world that will do anything to make someone so happy but in return they take and ripe the closest thing away from you so your happiness turns to unhappiness. The one thing that can make you so happy can be ripped away from you. So now thinks are so different cause now what you had makes you so miserable cause all because of someone’s else’s hatred can make you so unhappy cause what you had you don’t have no more and it give the emtiness that ripped your heart out your chest and it will never be whole again. As long as you live always thinking why is this happening to me. Why can’t I just die. Why am I still on earth the most unhappiest person and the one thing that can make you whole again is just a hour away but that one thing you do to get that happiness back will put you in jail the ready of my life. So why can’t I say why me.