Sometimes
we don't express our feelings, not because
we are afraid,
simply because we just
can't.

Sometimes
the words that envelope our minds and tear holes in our hearts
simply don't exist in the
real world.

Sometimes
the vocabulump that is crawling up your throat and gagging you is
simply a cloud of air that means
nothing.

Sometimes
we just can't.

high off their heels
their pills
their *******

collapsed in his arms
his gifts
his lies

lost in the parking lot
the shopping mall
the mortgage

Envious
    ******.

What fake, plastic, pathetic
    ******.
Alone and lost     caged
            within their aliases
Their urged embraces turn to
meaningless     ***; a false sense of security

Rich, spoiled, tragic
    ******.                    
Their egos towering, fiery and hot
hiding from rejection
guarding their sincerity
it’s disgraceful

Rest, you sad
    ******.
Embrace reality

Are you afraid?

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder
I say that’s *******
Distance makes the heart suffer
Distance took my heart and plucked its petals
one
by
one

It holds me tight
Too tight, until my breath gets short and my legs go numb
Distance built a nest in my mind out of fragmented memories
I will never let go of
Memories that are now so distant I can no longer cherish their brilliance
or remember their fragrance

This distance is a cry that cannot be silenced
It is the side of the bed where you should be lying
It is the dial tone when you hang up the phone
It is the dreaded groan of waking up alone
Distance is disappointment
The hollow echo of loneliness
My vacant arms
Distance is sorrow

We have no choice but to be bold

Distance is the strength found where hope was lost
Distance decorates the wings of the butterflies that
f l u t t e r
in my stomach when the distance disappears
As the miles between us fall apart, distance falls quiet
A moment of reunion
A moment outside of time
Building bravery in our cores
Steadying us for battle once more
Mounting our horses, drawing our swords
We are bold.

Distance keeps our memories close to home
It is the struggle that taught us how to be brave when we are alone
Distance is the challenge
To determine how much we can handle
Distance pushes our love to its limit
Distance is brilliance in the tragedy of our goodbyes

Sometimes, I want to die.

Not because I am unhappy

or lonely

or tired or scared

Just to see if I’d get the chance to do it all over.

If we would get the chance to rethink every thought

to take back a kiss or a silence or a ****** essay we wrote the night before it was due

a do-over

But if we knew that we would

what would we live for?