I fell in love with a boy at a coffee shop
who always ordered vanilla chai.
I knew it was love because I could
never get up the courage to speak to him.

I fell in love with a bony fingered,
anorexic boy in my math class.
I think it was the way he did the problems in his head,
so he could use the paper for listing
everything he wanted to eat that day, but wouldn’t.

I fell in love with a girl who had dreadlocks
and burn marks on her neck.
I always fantasized about touching them,
asking if they still warmed up her skin.

I fell in love with the older man at the tutoring center.
I failed Spanish so that I could spend the next semester
eye ******* him from across the study table.
I've always had a thing for married men.

I fell in love with girl who pushed up her
*****, and pouted for football players.
It may have been unrequited,
but at least I didn’t catch anything.

I fell in love with the person
who left death threats in my locker.
I’d never known someone who felt
the same way about me as I did.

It starts with one.
One day.
One moment.
One time.
One choice.
One mistake.

It continues with too.
Too much.
Too fast.
Too many misunderstandings.
Too undeniable.

It ends with three.
"I Love You."
"I Hate You."
"We Are Over."

It crumbles with four.
Four empty days.
Four sleepless nights.
Four drinks.
Four doses.
Four fights.

It disintegrates with five.
Five weeks.
Five breakdowns.
Five ideas that should be let go of.

It finalizes with one.
One day.
One moment.
One time.
One choice.
One mistake.

We're all just searching for reasons
To wake up in the morning

Some do it for the simple things
A kiss
A cup of coffee

Others have a harder time
No train to catch
No hand to hold
No reasons at all.

peel my flesh and crack my ribs
excavate my chest cavity two fists deep
a ******* futile exercise grasping for nothing
my much neglected heart has withered
shriveled turned to dust on its aortic vine
intimacy, love, a human connection
a half remembered dream it's fleeting
hold me close cause all I feel are ghosts