If depression kills
I’ve died a hundred times
In my bed
Staring at the ceiling
In the shower
Each time water hits my skin

Every night
When I can’t sleep
At stop signs
One car should run me over

At my kitchen sink
Nobody will notice
If I left this mess

At parties
Wondering why everyone’s happy
Why am I even here

After all the highs
Will be a series of lows
The longest you’ve ever had
And the lowest you’ve ever been

I wanted to die
Planned it for weeks
I have to do it
But on the night
Of my death
I got lazy
And sleepy
All because of work
I couldn’t bring myself
To get up and do it
So i fell asleep
And wrote this the next morning

I’m just 3 years away
From being 3 decades old
Surprisingly, I feel at least nothing
For the first time since turning 18
Managed to keep my cheeks dry today
My head isn’t foggy
My heart doesn’t hurt
I’m far from being happy
But at least
I acknowledged turning
A year older
I don’t look forward to anything anymore
The sun rose today
And it will set
As it did yesterday
At the very least
I didn’t feel like a disappointment today
And somehow
People remembered me