i lie still
in the morning
and watch the sunrise
creep up
my wall
to the white
of my ceiling

bathed in grey light
subdued
by unfallen rain

i wish the rays
of sun
were your eyes
moving
over me

you forgot the ***
of daffodils
that i gave you
in autumn

and by winter
their soul
had gone
until
march
next year

their flowers
hung yellow
like tissue paper
and when the breeze
stirred them
they were dragged
by wilted stems

and drew lines
in the dust

sometimes
i turn out all the lights
and stumble
in the dark

because all i see
with the lights on
is electricity
and certainty

sometimes it's better
to almost
stumble down
the stairs
and be saved by shadows
instead
of paleness

let me hold your hand
and caress your wrist
barely
with my fingertips

look me in the eyes
and look away

i wish it was guilt
but guilt
isn't the synonym
for shame
and shame
is beige
and unrelenting
it's never halting
because
it's only
your conscience
you know

so move your hand
israel
and palestine

it seems to be so easy
to press
the red button

why then,
is the aftermath
so ******* hard

the pale moths
silver and egg-shell blue
fall lilac
across the dusty
wooden floors
in the abandoned buildings
lining
7th avenue

they all fall
every night
just before
the scattered pages
that drift across
the room
like sail boats
in summer
on the waves
of the spring breeze

their eyes
the ones that long for the sun
but are open
at the wrong hour
always see
the black swirls
that run into each other

just before
their wings
stop to fly

and their souls
scream
in the heart of the crickets
hiding in the lawn
ignited by the fireflies

they just want to know
what those letters mean

the door
won't stop swinging
in the breeze

the water
in the kettle
whistles
while the blue
flames
dance
like the indians
did
in Peter Pan

the sky leaks
a lilac bruise
that taints
my eyes
and darkens
this empty
room

the chinese lanterns
hang
double as long
in the reflection
of the window
extending
to the trees

and i wonder
if your hand
feels like the warm patterns
of light
that they throw