Impossibly close, I'm
beginning to believe you were
actually here with me, dreaming
away all doubts

To want something
So badly
And having it so
close
You can taste it on your lips
Its warmth radiating
on your arms
But to be so afraid
Of reaching out
And embracing it
To be so terrified
Of getting too close
Fear of it running
away
That you didn't
reach for it
And now it's gone
And it's never coming back
You miss it so badly
you wish you could
turn back time
And go back to when
it was so close
Only an arms distance
You make up memories
Of what could have been
And wishing so badly
That it had really happened
The pain is unbearable
It keeps you up at night
It invades all your thoughts
It takes the joy out of your life
Everywhere you go
You wish they were there
Everyone you meet
You wish it was them
You love them so much
You hate that it hurts
You wish they were with you
And it kills you
To be apart
You keep telling yourself
That your over it
That you've moved on
That it wouldn't have worked out
The lies you tell yourself
Hoping that if you
say it enough
Eventually you'll believe it
And the torment
The pain
The sadness
Would finally end
But what hurts the most
What really makes you angry
What truly makes you
die inside
What makes you want to crawl
Into a corner
And cry your heart out
What makes all this pain
So intolerable
Is that had you only reached out
Had you only embraced it
Had you not been so afraid
Then maybe
Just maybe
It would be with you
Right Now
That's a bitter pill to swallow.

Deep in my bones
In the webs of my soul
Dwells an experience of something much bigger
Hidden rhythm trickling through the flood of love's eyes
My heart melts as realizations collide
Spiraling through creative mind substance
Harmonious abundance
The back of my head
The seek in my bead
My dreams unfolding as we dance with the dead
Feeling the wait of heartache and dreams fade
The seems break
Drowning in words unthought
Language of the mind untaught
Heart strings pulled by moon beams
Seal the reams of each page
Writing away each wage
Are we awakened by our purpose?
Is it love that assures us?
Tip toeing through plastic gardens as not to awaken the true self
Searching the ground for what we know we put on the highest shelf
Maybe it was to keep it sacred
Perhaps by falling into falling out we chose to ignore our highest selves
Shocked by our desire to understand the depths of hell
As we fell attachments released and real ceased from our grasp
Choosing to relinquish with deadly sap
Stuck in this head throb our heart knows and time clocks us out from this doubt
We let it go
We let it go
We let it go

I tossed and turned all night through
     I slept not but dreamt of you.
I was pretty, my hair was messy
     You wanted me and your mother knew.

Rolling and rolling over and either
You stayed with me
But made me a liar.

I awoke from my awakened state
     To find my pain all the same.
You are broken, dear
     And I am not to blame.

LAST NIGHT I DREAMT
SOMEBODY LOVED ME
TO WAKE AND FIND
THOSE DAYDREAMS, TOO.

I FIND HIM LOVELY
BUT SHIELDED IS HE
AND SO I DREAM
AND DREAMT OF YOU.

I am dead.

My legs are broken
And my mind has betrayed me.

I
Cant
Move.

I hear the screaming.
Loud
Horrible
Torment.

I try to make it stop
But still

I
Cant
Move.

I rip my eyes open,
The air is acid.
Time is rushing through
My disoriented state
Wasting,
Wasting away like
I am.

My lead arm strains
And my lips groan
As I reach
Reach
To stop the torment.

Quiet.

The stomach rises and falls.
The fingers move,
The shoulders roll.

My left knee bends as it
Battles over the precipice.
The right grudgingly follows

My dead body spasms
I scream,
I expand,
I unfold,
I get out of bed.

My own dear love, he is strong and bold
And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled--
Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own true love, he is all my world,--
And I wish I'd never met him.

My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
And the skies are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams--
And I wish he were in Asia.

My love runs by like a day in June,
And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
In the pathway of the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start,
Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart--
And I wish somebody'd shoot him.