Bright shining lights, endless chorus of laughter and voices
she smiles as she leaves
walking under the huge sparkling chandelier on her way out
The oak doors swing shut behind her and


silence


The snow slowly, soundlessly drifts down
she imagines she hears traffic in the distance
but that is just the roar of the party still ringing in her ears

There is nothing but faded footprints and her alcohol tinted breath
the cloud blending in with the scene

She takes a deep breath that seems oddly loud
and she walks towards the waiting car
long black coat trailing behind her

You tell me no,
a life moving every four or so years
is the worst time.

But you don't get it.
I'm not planning this with the conscious knowledge
that it would uproot my children
like you were growing up

Because I don't want kids in the torn world
and moving is good for me.
I make too many mistakes to stay in a place too long

Even here I have worn my welcome

He's not here for you anymore.
Sorry honey, but he never was.
You were just another kiss to him
someone to charm then forget.

Even though he will never escape your memory
You are just a fleeting moment to him
some fling that he never really cared about.

But remember.

He will always be restless
jumping from one broken heart to the next.
You will be so much better off
Because you value the lasting promises,
your perfect guy will come along

And you will be able to stay with him forever
while that guy from the past keeps unsteadily moving

We all want our fairy tale story
Falling in love with a Flynn Rider
or some other perfect man.

But how could I even hope to find
My prince (or hero)
when I hardly fit the description
of any of those princesses

No one listens but that doesn't matter
No one listens, but if they don't care, I don't, right?

I'll keep writing, talking to myself,
Locking myself in my room with yet another project

Anything do try to convince myself that I don't need anyone
Why should I?

I can do anything on my own

Except make a difference

Someone I could talk to all day
to whom I could sit and listen to all the time

I'll find you one day
Or who knows?
Maybe you will find me

Someone who could put up with all my words
maybe forgive all my stupid mistakes
Who is as crazy as I and is comfortable with being different

We could be different and weird together
and we wouldn't care what people thought

'Cause we would be lost in each others' eyes

I'm so broken

that isn't who I want to be

in my perfect image of myself I'm so strong

bother mentally and physically

so strong that I'm invincible

no one can hurt me

no one can get inside my mind and distort it.

Not a single person can break me ever again

That man...no, boy from my past

he couldn't force himself on me ever again

I could stand up and punch the lights out of him

and wouldn't be mentally and emotionally scarred.

All my wounds from the past would heal over

I could conquer the world

do exactly what I want to.


But that's just a dream