When I see your smile
The lips that curl back to reveal those perfectly shaped crescent whites
My soul reverberates
I can't stop looking at you from jawline until my eyes scale up to your beautiful brown eyes where we meet once again
I'm speechless
My hands entangled in the beautifully locked mane that is your hair
And our legs intertwined like trees just gathering their branches
You see you and I
After every visit
Every time your body lovingly caresses mine
Every laugh
And every story
We grow our tree not on our backs but from my feet upwards until the day the leaves will ascend from my heart and I will say "I do"
You see you and I, we are little seedlings just awaiting to bud
You planted the first seed with your calm demeanor, your kisses grew a branch, but once I knew you, I finally saw that we were growing a tree
Oh how I will continue to water your branches

I'm in my bed half warm with the other half as cold as this solemnity you've left me in
I have one leg wrapped around the sheets where you formally lied and the other hanging like the pieces of my mangled heart
Struggling to maintain equilibrium or tumble past sheets of broken lies into the crevice of my untold truths right under my bed
The rain pours as if forcing itself down my rib cage to remind me that I'm alive despite my mangled body in it's contorted position without it's straightener of you
The rain it pours yet I can't hear it
I hear the silence
And I feel you once again feeling my skin from hip bone to the depth of the rivers inside me
Running your fingers on my African canvas with your Southern confederate rakes and flags etching yourself onto me
Leaving me scarred
Until every time I look down at me, I see you
Oh the irony
The tale of white man leaves his African prey once again.

I've had a yearning for gray
The forbidden color, intertwining between the cells of opaque and milky protoplasm
The color consumed me before he had even realized it
That night in the back seat of his car,
My "ebony" thighs and legs wrapped around his pearly waist
I pulled him down,
Past the slavery and the whippings and beatings
He went deeper and saw the faces people gave because of the color of my skin
From my neck down to the Drinking Gourd he kissed, following the path of darkness and fear
He freed me
He accepted me
We were gray, two heaving bodies contrasting like darkness and light

The sun blazed in the moon until the two were intertwined

These past few days I've felt a solitude that's beautiful
I no longer long for you
The words you said never haunt me, not even slightly
My only reminiscence of you, is that you existed to teach me a lesson
When I hear your name I no longer feel pain,
When mistakenly or unmistakenly I glimpse the last words you wrote to me, I no longer feel the strong chord that connected me to you. The cord that longed for me to text you, call you, feel you.
It feels like a broken telephone. The same game we played when we were five. Remember that?
Miscommunication, broken tales, it all led to a happy ending. Or atleast, I'm happy now.
I've finally disconnected this call.

How low is low
Have I found no other high but in guys
Have I stooped to the ground and below
Where do I stop, when will I say no

My insecurities lead me to this road
It is only countless times that I have journeyed here
How can I let him hurt me
How can I let them hurt me

Do I not know my worth?
A woman's worth?
Don’t you know that you are courageous and beautiful and intelligent and the sweetest of your kind
Don't you know the power you hold over men?
Don't you remember the strength in your smile?

Just because of one person, it easily fades away
Blindly you see no good in yourself
Insecurities, insecurities, countless insecurities.
You are good enough. You are beautiful enough.
Your lips are tender, you eyes are deep as an ocean's blue yet they are brown
Why do you let this one person take this all away?

Because at this time, in this day. Nothing else seems to matter
Just how you weren't sufficient to one person
How you aren't good enough
How you will never be good enough.

And the words continue to fade away
Until you're left with nothing. Words with no meaning, a body with no meaning.

Emptiness.

Occasionally I feel a gloom so wrapped in emotion and fear and apprehension
Of the future
Of myself
I get strong and build myself with bricks of lace
My stomach turns
I feel wrapped up in laces of pain
I am robed in loneliness
My flats solidify every ounce of happiness and turned them into mushed grapes of deep existence
Perhaps the most lonely times are those when you know who loves you somehow yet still feel that it isn't enough
It is what tightens the cord on my robe
I let the gold ensnare my already knotted insides
Perhaps from running away from my problems I'm just creating an even bigger ball of twisted emotions
A type of lukewarm germ throbbing in the pit of my stomach
My fingers can't feel it
My body feels weighed down
Grieved down
Oh how I put on a persona of happiness
But I really am happy
God has given me so much
I dislike that I feel this
Yet don't feel anything at the same time
I hate that sentence. So emotionless
Never leave me wrap yourself around my robe
Hold me in the fetal position and never break the umbilical cord that ties me to you
Never leave me like they all do
Eventually I lose myself
I am never what they want
I **** the magic
Magic killer
The pain the solemn knowing that you are alone yet surrounded by loved ones