The morning after
The chirping of birds seems distant
Coals of anger left in my chest
Easy to stoke

But the rage has passed
As has the pang of heart aching sorrow

The morning after is always odd
After misdirected lines
off a tv stand
Surrounded by complicated relationships
And voracious women
That spark no interest in my soul
Just my head

The morning after can be very odd
After screaming matches with god
So one sided
At the far end of IV
Down on the beach
At two am

Feeling somewhere between an atheist
And a lunatic

The only response the roaring crash of the relentless waves

As I beg to be told why this must be my path
Why I wallow through this unwarranted longing

But I suppose what did I expect
Of God's Language

The roar of the ocean
So cold and inhumane
Eternally wise and forever changing

Now I enjoy my oats and coffee
Waiting for my heart to lead me out once again

Why did I stimulate this state of mind
What was I searching for
What have I found

Nothing but emptiness and questions
And no route for release
But internal reflection
Into a glowing screen
On my cushion
Living room
Alone

Will I ever fill this gaping void
That grasps me so tight
I feel I cannot escape

So lonely and longing
With no one to reach out to
All those who care
I care nothing for

Their love is dangerous

Yet I return
Through hopeless message sent through digital routes
To my old form of coping

Knowing the potential of pain
For both her and I

Is it selfish?
I believe so.

The burden of such longing
With no means of action
Or fear of using the means

Leaves a hole

Feeling empty and sullen
A thin shell

With no direction

Mumbling distaste and unappreciation

To his computer screen

I can sustain
The hours of analysis
The years of lost joyous hours in the sun

While amongst the performance

Its these late nights
And awaking to my return

Where my heart pangs
And screams in rebellion

This is when I struggle

I dreamed a dream last night

Long conversation full of interest
And excitement
Vibin

With her

No memories of the acts
Just Memories of the feelings
Of sexuality

Such Joy

Then I awoke
To this day
Of 9 hours with her

Vibration analysis, heat transfer, fluid dynamics, materials science, circuits…

Another day I do not speak with her