At around exactly 3 in the afternoon. After my mom found my birth certificate, i grabbed it and now im holding onto it myself. Its hard to trust people who dont trust you. Family has always been hard for me. Ever since 'the incident'. I think thats what did it. Thats what threw me overboard. But to me, as a kid, i thought i was just swimming. I didnt realize that everyone was on a boat slowly drifting farther and farther away from me. Or was i the one drifting away from them. Well. Now i know. Im older. I know better. Not the best-- but better. I realize how hard it is to tread water so while trying to keep myself afloat, im also trying to build a boat in which to make my whole life so much easier. There are sharks in these waters. Its nothing personal. Sharks gotta eat. And im tasty if i do say so myself. Blood sweet and thick enough to be confused for syrup. So. I have to work fast. I started too late. Im always late. Not much time left, i have to put all of my effort into this device. Lest i drown and my story ends all too soon.

Ive been drinking again. Lying to friends and losing them
Again with the *******, my same stupid drama.
In a world like today where else are you supposed to put your *******

Id see that
the remnants
of what once
was fiery blaze
Has now
seemed
to have been smothered.
I would notice
that
there was no movement
on the once
lively log.
That
the home
of the once
peaceful ants
was now
quiet,
empty,
no more.
A mere shell
and
a ghost
of once used to be.

I would see
this.
And without a thought,
i would
once again
set the log ablaze.

Id light the fire.
And id see
the ants
that might have
slept
through
the first calamity,
And i would wish them the best.

Walking
Up
Down
Around
Sometimes
Through.

“Have i hit my lowest point yet?”

I walk
Swim
Run
Bike
Tiptoe
Crawl

“Is this my lowest point?”

And i made my own little creations
I would watch them every once and a while.
I wouldnt binge.
I would just tune in sometimes and see how things are going for them.

And if they were ants
And if they had found their log of a home
Fallen into a fire of any sorts,
I would try to minimize the damage.
I would not interfere.
Not phenomenally.
I would build them a little bridge
Of wet wood.
And i would hope that
At least a good amount of them
Would make it.

I wouldn’t pull the log from the fire.
I would maybe adjust it so
That in a way, there is less of an urgency
Of emergency.

Some of them
Are still roaming
The burning
Log.
I hope for the best.