Standing there
arms high
and heart abandoned.
Completely surrendering your soul.
Crying out for the Lord.
In awe of all He's done.
Tears in your eyes.
Chills down your spine.
Singing out to the One who deserves it.

Worshiping the one true King
with all your heart.

Who are you
when no one is looking?

Who are you
behind closed doors?

is it different
than when you're in public?

If it is, ask yourself why.

Are you putting up a front
Just to be accepted
Just to fit in

If so,
you will lose who you truly are.
and who you are
is the most important thing in this world

don't ever lose it
because you are extraordinary.

A simple look
can say so much

A simple glance
can mean a thousand words

After all
Eye contact is
how souls catch on fire.


The way you look at me
I can tell
we will be
in each others hearts
for quite a while
if not for eternity.

you treat me like second choice
i am not
i repeat not
a second choice

i'm not one for cursing
but you make me want to curse like a sailor.

Sometimes i wish i was really ugly
so guys wouldn't like me for my body
so they wouldn't pretend to like me for their own selfish pleasures

He told me he liked me because i was hot
i should have ran away then
it would've saved me a lot of trouble.

Sometimes i wish i was blind
so i could see a person for who they really are
not for their physical appearance
so i could fall in love with their mind and not their body

He was so attractive
i couldn't help myself
the only thing between us
was lust and infatuation
which eventually faded.

if i was ugly and blind
lust would not exist
only love.

I'm getting tired of always being second best.
I don't want to compete with her anymore
And I shouldn't have to.

i want to spend every waking moment with you, love.

youre slowly putting a band-aid on my heart
now im just waiting for you to rip it off when im not looking

truth is
i don't really have a choice
in whether or not i fall for you.

A better way to get to know someone
Is to ask what they do at 4am when they are wide awake.
It sure beats
"What's your favorite color?"

4am is when
The deep thoughts come out
When
You start to miss people
And when you truly become yourself.

Most people don't make it past my shyness
to see that i am a pretty cool person

Im actually really funny and am a loyal friend
but you will never know
because you gave up on me

your loss.

sometimes its not worth it
love isn't worth the risk
when you try for love
and the infatuation only lasts for a while

its not worth it in the end
the heart-wrenching pain you feel after
lasts so much longer than the happiness

i knew it wasn't worth it
but i gave it a shot anyways

on your good days
i liked you

on your bad days
i loved you

when i need to focus the most
is when you flood into my mind
i cant concentrate
with you on my mind

when i stay up late to do homework
i find my self writing poems or crying about you
because i remember how you made me feel
and how i feel now

after all we had
you treat me like a stranger now
i do the same and i understand why
but deep down inside
i still wonder how you do it

you
are stupid
you
are beautiful
you
are so impossible
yet you
are so lovable

whoever falls in love first
looses

and i am a sore loser

and you are a sore winner

stop gloating  
so i can stop crying

I don't think you know what its like to actually miss someone
you used to say you missed me after a day without seeing me
I didn't miss you then, but i did want to be with you

Now its been 120 days and you don't miss me at all
i miss you more than ever and it breaks my heart

you were my drug and i was addicted
i know my addiction only lasted 1 month and 19 days
but i had the craziest high with you
in those 50 days
you gave me memories to last a life time

its been 2880 hours since my last high
i have never craved something so much in my life
like your love
you have me sitting here thinking about you
17 weeks later
you haven't even done anything to make me crazy about you

if i was ever actually addicted to drugs
i would never detox
i would constantly crave it and would eventually give in
it would drive me crazy like you drive me crazy
i cant get the taste of your lips off my mind
i need you

we used to joke around
and i said you were my sustenance
you said i was too
but i wasn't kidding
you became an important part of my life

i can live without you
but i don't want to
you make me so happy
and you challenged me to think about who i really was

i do admit that i didn't like who i was with you
but i think thats why i miss you so much
because you gave me a rush and made me live
i did things with you that i never in a thousand years wouldve imagined doing
we went on wild adventures
i was always living on the edge with you
worrying about getting caught
thats why it was so exciting

i became addicted to that feeling
now i'm back to my old boring life
i miss the old days
but i need to move on

i think i will stop craving your affection soon
if not tomorrow
then the next day
ill keep telling myself this until its true

don't worry about how i am
because i know you don't care

and when you find yourself missing me in the middle of the night
call me
and i won't answer

i will no longer give in to my addictions

always awake thinking
always breaking down
in silence

late at night
when  i know you're sleeping
i think of you
and your gently blue
eyes

late at night
i think of all our memories

i think of how we are strangers now
and how it wasn't supposed to end this way

we agreed on being friends
but neither of us tried in the end

it came down to us ignoring each other
i hate hate hate all of this

i know its for the best
but all i want is to say hi to you

you were an important part of my life
and now you drifted into my past

you used to be my present and my future
but i knew that wouldn't last

i put my heart on the line
just to take a chance

and now my heart is torn
and you're a glance gone wrong

kiss me gently
like you did that night

kiss me softly
and make everything right

help me remember what it felt like

i want to feel that spark
i want electricity running through my heart

your kisses left me speechless
dead in the night
like a hopeful girl thinking it would last

i miss your soft caress
your tender touch

i miss your heavenly gaze
perched onto my face
your eyes pierced my heart
and i have never felt the same

kiss me gently
make me forget the ending

kiss me softly
get my heart starting

i have this one hope
i hope that one day
you will show up at my house

i hope that you will surprise me
i hope that you will profess your love to me
i hope that you can sweep me off my feet
i hope that you secretly love me and are just good at hiding it

i hope i'm not delusional
but i know i am
i know you will never come to my house
i know that only happens in the movies
i know you don't secretly love me
because if you did
you wouldn't have left me in the first place

i can only be hopeful
hope is the only thing i have
because i sure don't have you

Have you ever realized
that if you didn't wake up late yesterday
something would be different?

what if you took a different way to work last week,
something might be different right now.

Every single decision you made
made you into who you are right this second

Every move you've made
has brought you to this moment.

Ive been thinking how my life would be different
if i never switched classes
if i never sat where i sat
if i never talked to you
if i liked someone else
if i never gave you the time of day
if i never knew you

If i never did any of these things
I wouldn't be heartbroken right now
I wouldn't be alone
and i would still be giving guys a chance

but no
i made those decision
and i am here
im where i am because of this

Every single decision you make
makes you into who you are supposed to be
and where you are supposed to be

I tried to forget, but you grew roots around my rib cage and spouted flowers just below my collar bones. all day i pluck their petals, but i have not yet ascertained whether you love me or not.

no one understands
that i can't be myself around a stranger
it takes time for me to be comfortable
and open up

no one understands
that when i say give it time
and ill be myself
i mean what i say

no one understands
that i can't control it
i can't tell myself to not be shy
my personality is weird like that

no one understands
that when they make jokes like
"you never talk"
"you're so shy ***"
i take that personally

no one understands
that i am self conscious about that
i cant help but beat myself up when i say the wrong things
or don't say anything at all

no one understands
that i am shy for a reason
God made me this way
He gave me this unique personality

I am shy
so i don't make the wrong friends
so i don't say the wrong things
so guys mess with me
because i'm too nice
God protected me
when he formed me in my mother's womb
i am forever grateful
to have a God who loves me unconditionally
i am glad i'm shy
i wouldn't be myself if i weren't

i felt nothing
you looked at me with those deep blue eyes
and smiled
normally i would get butterflies
but i felt nothing
i just smiled back

i admit i felt a little happy
but you are nothing to obsess over any more
you're just an old friend
i feel closer to you when far apart
i see you as better than you really are

once i realize
that you are not who i created you to be
i will be free
free from these chains
free from drowning
just free

I could've'e sworn i saw something in your eyes
those radiant blue eyes had purpose
the look you gave me had to contain something
i might be crazy but your words and your eyes did not coincide
I thought i knew what your eyes were expressing
but i could not ascertain whether or not you loved me

when you touched me
even the slightest trace of your hand on my arm
something was happening deep in my core
your simple embrace illuminated my heart
i had the tingling sensation of love
i would give anything to feel your heart on mine
i crave your touch
i became addicted to the feeling you gave me
only then did i feel connected to you

I saw you every day in second period
we talked when we were supposed to be reading
i always sat half turned around in my seat
we always played footsies
we always hugged at the end of class
i always glanced at you at break when you were with your friends
i always stopped at your locker before 5th
we always walked to class
we always got stares from the teacher like she knew what was up
we always sat together in chapel
we always sat close and nudged each other
we always exchanged glances before 6th
you always walked me to my car after school
we always texted 24/7
we alway hung out before your practices
we always went out on fridays
we always kissed passionately
we always cuddled in the movies
we always had fun
we were always together

now we don't speak
now we don't make eye contact
now we sit on opposite rooms and read along in class
now i try to sneak glances at you
now i just hope you look back
now i try not to look at you and her at break
now i walk past your locker
now we pretend to not see each other when we walk by
now we sit apart in chapel
now we don't text
now we hang out with our own friends on fridays
now we talk to our friends after school
now we sit solitarily in movies
now we are never together

but the only thing that hasn't changed
is my love for you
that will always remain
i hope you know that

you will never know the real me
never figure out what makes me tick
never know what i dream of when i stare out the window
you will never know
i gave you a chance but you are too emotionally detached to want to know
you will never know what i'm thinking
never know why i love the sunrise from an airplane
this goes both ways
i will never know your motives
i will never know what you saw in me
i will never know why you put all these walls up
i will never know why you think fire is so beautiful
i will never know why you aren't close to your family
i will never know why you are so shallow
i guess its better to not know than to get hurt trying

I think i'm addicted
no, not to drugs
not to alcohol
but to pain
not physical pain but emotional
i go through periods of high happiness
when i'm here
i want to feel sad
all i want is to cry and feel something
when he broke my heart
i liked crying
i didn't like being sad
but i liked crying
i don't know why
but i love that feeling
so gut wrenchingly sad
that your heart aches so bad
i love it and hate it at the same time
i'm addicted and can't be treated

Im too young
to feel this broken
Too young
to be in love
I was heart broken once
and i vowed to never be again
i waited awhile
then you came along
you showed an interest
and i was optimistic
i said "ill give it a shot"
"Ill be careful"
"i won't get hurt"
i fell
too hard, and too fast
you left me emphatically heartbroken
i vowed this would never happen again
i broke that vow
but this time
i'm serious.

short and sweet
you don't deserve me
but i don't care
i will love you anyways

I want you to miss me
I want you to want me
I want you to stay
and I want you to love me
All this time
Ive been waiting and waiting
for what?
for you to kiss me like you miss me as much as i miss you
these last five months have been unbearable
i can't go anywhere without thinking of you
you were emotionally detached when i knew you
you seem to have more emotions now than ever
i don't know if that a signal
but if it is, i'm getting it loud and clear
Im too shy to tell you how i feel
so please tell me you miss me
ill tell you i miss you too
just tell me whats wrong
i promise ill be there for you
Please just come back to me
you've been gone for so long
i love you differently now
i think i can love you better than ever

If only you knew what i think of you
In the middle of the night when i should be sleeping
In the middle of the day when i see you reading
I don't know if this is love
But i love the way you move
Reading a book, writing a thought, even listening in class
Your idiosyncrasy grabs my heart
If only you knew what I thought of you
when you kissed my lips, I thought it would last
when you held my hand, I was enchanted at last
All i was, was in love with being loved
If only you knew
How i think of you now that you're gone
If only you knew
What i think when i see you with someone new
Ive fallen in love with the way you move
the way you touch
the way you feel
the way  you think
I don't want anyone to fall in love with these things
Because they won't appreciate them the way i do.

It's been five months
It comes back in flashes
Talking with friends, reading a book, writing a paper
I can't get away from my memories
I can't stop thinking about you
You flood my mind day in and day out
I cry because Im ashamed
I let myself down
I said I wouldn't fall for you
I said I wouldn't get hurt
You seemed so interested
I was so naiive
I thought you would be the one to end up heartbroken
I was wrong
You broke my heart without looking back
I know you don't think it hurt me because I didn't cry in front of you
But it did
It hurt so bad
What hurts more is that i am still here,
completely infatuated with you months later
and you have already moved on
You're into another girl
I miss you so bad that ive convinced myself that im in love with you
I fantasize about you kissing me in the rain haphazardly
I can only dream about that happening
You can't even look at me let alone muster up the courage to kiss me
I don't know how to get over you and move on
I just wish forgetting you was as easy as you forgot about me

Love isn't possible with you
Love isn't when you won't hug me in front of your friends
Love isn't when you stop doing what it took to get me
Love isn't when you look at other girls
Love isn't when you criticize how i stand
Love isn't when you pressure me after i say no
This just isn't love
Love is when I text you sweet messages
Love is when I can just look at you from afar and feel a zoo in my stomach
Love is when I can still miss you after you break my heart
Love is when I hope you are doing okay
Love is when I just want you to be happy again
Love is wanting your smile back
But also, love is wanting my smile back too
This is love.