Maybe I am just once again resorting to my pathetic need to over think just to feel like anything real is happening. And then out of nowhere, when I finally feel at peace, I miss everybody. But somehow, the weather feels more sunny, and the water in this river keeping my mind watered is finally running, and flowing, and livestock is growing, my heart is showing, my heart is glowing. So why do I still feel so lonely? Maybe because I feel like my heart is empty.


This pain may not be escaping, and I may still be hurting, but that's okay, because at least I can see that some day, it will be ending. Even if it is not today, I will be set free. Forgive me, I'm usually much more encouraging, but until then, promise you won't leave. My heart may be empty, but the walls hold photos of beautiful memories. If I hurt so bad now, I guess it's just a friendly reminder that I am still breathing. She may not be next to me, but this hurt cuts deep and still remembers to visit me. So heartache, Thank you for still believing in me.

You're not a problem, you are my sanity. And I love you for it.

You keep turning your back.
Keep running my love because I know I'm not worthy,
I know I'm not wanted.
You've made that perfectly clear when you left and didn't care what was going on inside my head.

I need a placebo.
please just cure this disease.
I'm afraid of harming myself and the people around me.
I'm trying.
And it seems I'm losing.
Because I can't convince her to understand me.
I'm losing.
I can't ask her to love a wretch like me.
But I can beg and I can plead, on my knees asking, please just take this pain away. Prayers unanswered. If that's too much to ask then I'll beg for you to just take me.

Keep turning your back baby.
You just keep running away when I needed love. But you turn cheeks not caring.
You'll get sick and ask me to leave.
I promise.
You will ask me to leave and move on with the man you wish I could be.
I'm sorry I'm a chore.
So move on.

I took the road and left you behind, but the only thing I have is faith guiding me now
You turned your cheek the other way, love is no longer here
Mother the way you look at me now, it's like I'm some stranger to the eye
I'm not the man that you wanted me to be I'm not the man you raised to succeed,
to be loved, to be held, to be the next on the throne
You've abandon me what could I say, I turned to my father to keep me out of the tide,
Through your screams I'm still fighting for isolation to get away from this empty house
I took the road and left you behind, but the only thing I have is faith guiding me now
You turned your cheek the other way, love is no longer here
Mother the way you look at me now, it's like I'm some stranger to the eye
I'm not the man that you wanted me to be, I'm not the man you raised to succeed
to be loved, to be held, to be the next on the thrown
You've abandoned me what could I say, I turned to my father to keep me out of the tide,
Through your screams, I'm still fighting for isolation
I'm walking out the back door

These words might mean nothing
But it's a chance I'm willing to take
Cause maybe I'm wrong and lives can change
I'm singing out of my insecurity
So someone, somewhere might be impacted by what I've made
I fidget and sway back and forth
Biting my nails down until they bleed
There is a lie that I've believed
I'd tell you, but I'm so scared of what you'd think
So I apologize if I've caused you to wake
Just close your eyes and let the beat rock you back to sleep
I'll tell you in the morning
About how this man you see
Often times feels like a child
Self-conscious and weak
I'll still put pen to paper
Try to explain these things
That invade my thoughts in my waking hours
Stories of Kings and princes that have lost their way
God, we'd give anything just to feel safe
Deep down, we all know our worth
We just need someone to truly love us first
So we tip toe around these crowded rooms
Hoping someone in attendance might be able to dress our wounds
We cry without uttering a single word
So gather close, circle round
Cause maybe you've just never heard
And I'll tell you the story of the Love I've found
About the Truth embedded in you long before your birth
I'll ask once more
What are these words worth?

I know I'm not perfect and I take steps backwards it seems. But honestly honestly I just keep trying to change myself to be the man you need. Believe me believe me, I'm trying.
Love is such a funny thing.
It's making me take time to appreciate the life given to me.
Because of you I can feel me coming back to me.
So please don't leave.
That's my biggest fear  
Thinking of the night you get fed up and you've had enough of me.
Love is such a funny thing.
If there's a punch line then jokes on me.
Honestly honestly believe I'm trying to be the man you need.
I don't think before a speak
And I act without considering.
Consequence of actions.
These misunderstandings **** me
Continually thinking.
Days without you heartbreak me.
I know baby
Love is such a funny thing.
It's making me take time to realize.
You care even when I'm not all there. Think and sink. Lost but you anchor me.
Love is such a funny thing.

I feel it taking over everything inside of me.
And I'm losing control.
Weakness in my chest.
My heart stops beating.
Flat-lined and I'm in between.
This is my struggle.
This is emptiness.
Closer and closer again.
I feel it happening.
Holding fast to the hands of grace.
I know you're stronger inside, stronger than me.
Hope walks backwards.
My thoughts in reverse.
Scream for me, I'll hear your voice.
My heart knows no other.

I've been silent for far too long.
The built up pressure hurts I find I'm too far gone.
If only I had the release to scream and release the Angst from my chest. But I'll bottle it up and just write about how I'm second rate and I'm no better that the rest.

I'm so sorry that I let the demons feed on me. They always sneak up at the worst times it seems.
I can't sleep because I'm too anxious thinking.
I can't believe that someone like you could ever love someone like me.

Why can't I just figure out how to fix me?
Feel alone at night even when you sleep beside me.
Maybe it's just me but I don't think I can be the man that I'm supposed to be.
I'm not enough baby who are we foolin, I'm just an empty shell stick figure.
Shadows of who I should be haunt me.
Remembering who I once was.
Haunts me.
I should move on.
My demons always trap and stop me.