If only you knew that I lay awake-
-Cry- and long for you to be there-
And hold me-close
If only you knew how much-
I really miss you- even though I already have you-
If only I knew the words to describe-

I once said I’d die without you,
and you without me.
I’ve been counting the months
since I’ve heard from you—
and the silence is still painful
But it dulls
by every day that passes
where I eat the words I once declared
with such conviction
that I’d never be just fine—
Carrying on my own life,
A you without me; a me without you.

If I cared, would I have said something to you,
If you cared, would you have left before I was even breathing,
If you cared, would you have gone off and had another family,
If you cared, would you have been there to interrogate my first boyfriend,
If you cared, would you have been my superman,
If you cared, would you have loved me as much as you do the other kids?
If you cared to stay, would you love me at all?
Happy fathers day, I suppose-

The sunlight streaming
Through the open window
Kisses my face good morning
And creeps under my eyelids
My mouth tastes like cotton
And bittersweet regret
I slide off the bed
Out from under the tangled mess
Of blankets and my innocence
A pack of cigarettes and black coffee
Beckon me
I lean over the iron balcony
Over the foreign cobbled street
A cancerstick dangling from my fingers
Wrapped around a delicate mug
His dress shirt flutters around my bare legs
In the morning breeze
Eyes closed, I feel the cigarette slipping
He rolls it coyly around his fingers
And takes a slow drag
Before leaning against the railing beside me
This stranger and I