Triumphant am I when I see you stumble
Impishly witnessing your short fall from grace
My ego is puffed up with your simple proof of humanity
Your hands flailing as your feet benignly betray you
Gathering my own importance close, I feed on your shame

I take frantic pleasure in your failure
My lungs inflated with harnessed laughter at your plight
I move closer-taking all of this in...my skin humming
My mind keenly focused on your suffering
I have no expendable sympathy for you

I register your cries-they dust my ears with echos
I won't offer you the help you so desperately need
Giddiness-crawling up; determined, hot in my throat
Tasting bitterly...suspiciously like the bile of my own flaws
Straining to recapture my ignorant bliss, my eyes root for you

Recognizing my self-reflection, I swat it away with a fervor
Swallowing, I clamp it there locked in place-I begin to choke
Questions of my own imperfections threaten to suffocate me
Who am I to relish in your demise, when I carry this stained heart
My hands tainted, anointed by the trembling of my secrets

With a wretched mind, denial forlornly guides my tongue
Flushing out the haphazard judgements I cast on you
As I stand here stricken by my will to desparage your choices
Am I not solely responsible for the poisonous kiss of my words

My shame mounts, my dignity absent in the wake of this purge
Standing exposed my arms in disconnect, legs lead and water
And then euphorically the words become less insistent, quieter
Slowly my throat releases, my gasping breaths regulate themselves
Realization settles in heavy but clear

Could it be when I am judging you, I'm truly critical of me
And if so, I am forced to wonder almost reverently...
Were you ever really here at all?

I close my eyes blocking out the sun. Its warmth drenches me.
Slips its way around my quivering bones and flosses my joints.
I am not by any means a child of the sun; I like to be cool and shaded.
But today I welcome each beaming ray and feel my soul slightly connected.

The breeze lifts my hair and in doing so my spirit does gallop.
Winding in and out of each strand only to rest it again softly on my shoulders.
The grass is fragrant on the air and firm beneath my feet.
Each blade reminding me that I am planted. I am not floating.

In this exact moment I have substance and a core.
This time is precious and I cling with greed to each singular moment.
As they never last long enough for me.
And as they always do, the tides of my emotional balance turn and on those unpredictable currents the conflict begins.

I feel the hurt as it trickles in, between the light and the dark.
Slivers of delicate agony sluice through my harbored thoughts.
A cloud skitters in, masking the sun.
The politics of my life are diameterically diverse and their pressures do accumulate.
Tossing the tiniest of pebbles onto an already tremulous load feels like rocks gathering weight to become boulders as they settle in among the rest.

I teem with ideas of cutting loose, however solidly I am anchored to this life.
It's strange that I smile when the truth is I'm hurting, so crowded in by my thoughts.
I think if I don't smile I may just shatter into a million beaten pieces.
I'm scared to fall away, to flash my picture forward, to stay where I am, to move...even in the slightest.

I feel wretched and abandoned. I bastardize myself.
I can't let anyone in, what would they think if they knew that I'm distorted and repulsive?
Mirrors reflect my imperfections, announcing my shortcomings on sight.
My secrets fertilize my self destruction, they harvest my self hate.
Their crops are the thoughts that remind me of my shames.

Like the thorn of a rose, so I am to this life.
I blemish the idea of beauty and innocuously hold the power to inflict pain.
The sun has turned black; cooling my skin and locking up my muscles.
The wind has picked up and now screams in my ears.
The grass waxes brown, dying with each flickering pass of my eye.

My thoughts consume me, piercing me through and through. I lack, I repent, I fall short, I endure, I reach out, I stumble, I laugh, I sob, I cut, I dissolve, I exist, I rejoice, I cry out, I hurt, I fail, I accomplish, I love, I leave, I give up, I stay, I persevere, I relate, I fear, I stand, I fall, I manage, I crash, I burn, I balance.

But above all of this...I conquer, I bypass myself on this kaleidescope journey. I'm here. I'm alive. I am one more light on the water.

Smoke and mirrors instigate this
impressionable and naive as it seems
moments and pulses, sighs and moans
the softness of light in between

Move me slowly, turn the tide
pushing me endlessly toward the edge
a grip, a nudge, one well placed bite
a fountain in firey and ardent unrest

Kiss me deeply, steal my breath
fool me, tease me, close my eyes
lay long near me as day bows out
and shadows ink the skies

Move me steadily, with heat seared lips
run your hands in a forward rush
skim my hollows and thrusting arcs
I am the canvas and you, the brush

Sheets tangled, pillows strewn
the floor, the couch, the wall
pleasure rolls in wave after wave
***** and loud we call

Move me there, in rhythmic flow
focused in wordless breathy gasps
soaked and stained with sweat and flesh
in euphoric explosion of the mighty ******* crash