I can hear your laugh,
in every tear she spills.

Your wit and love and life,
will trickle through our years.

The strings have gathered dust.
The glasses lost and broken.

You've left us with questions...
         anger, loss, and tokens.

13 to 36, no regret you've ever shown.

We hate you.
We love you.
We miss you...
          now that you have gone.

Hopped up in the garden
Smoke swirls in the cold.
My hand climbs up your thigh.
Your eyes rip thru my fold.
We brag about a life not lived.
We stumble home to notes.
I’d take it now if you’d let me,
The words climb up my throat.

I find myself selecting poses,
chewy words and wit
After the third glass of wine
it’s me that I forget.
Testing waters too deep
Walking steps too steep
You talk about the dark
I sit and gaze
Watching lips I’ll never know
Breathing his whiskey haze
From a toss of my hair
To the look on your face
Mocked by the years
I cannot erase.

I find it alarmingly satisfying that I hate the couple
in front of me, on line, buying coffee at 9pm on a
Monday.
Wrapped in matching dress-down attire, not talking,
speaking through gestures designed just for them.
Checking their phones for calls they might have
missed, while I'm standing here, waiting, missing you.
Why do they need coffee now?
Will they go home?
Will they have ***?
Will he come first?
Will they fall asleep not dreading tomorrow?
I guess they can do that, they can afford it, because
they have their coffee and they have a Monday night
and they don't realize what they have.
Me? I have a pint of ice cream, 80 bucks worth of
books I'll try to read and a chance you'll be home
when I call.

Hey, take this record
I don't want it
Yeah, I know you got one too
Throw it out
If you don't want it
It doesn't matter what you do

Don't push me to this
You said last night
So I pressed the button
Down
Down
Down
Wasn't sure it'd be alright
But said I don't want you around

There's nothing more I want to tell you
Can't think of more to say
Just some looks you know I'll give you
'*** you're movin' out today

I'll learn to sprawl the bed now
Guess that sun will shine on in
I guess my books will breathe now
Buy some plants to cover where you've been

Don't push me to this
You said last night
So I pressed the button
Down
Down
Down
Wasn't sure I'd be alright
But said I don't want you around

This morning we tried to forget each other
Walked around on heavy toes
But we couldn't quite ignore each other
Maybe I cut off my face
To spite my nose

We've screamed all we could think to shout
Can't think of more to say
Just a look that I won't give you
'*** you're movin' out today

I walked along the wire of Madison Ave
Wanting to be just like the movie
When I saw a girl reading poetry to a tin can
Strangers fed her one dollar bills
The ones with white sneakers just stared

I walked over puddles
Filled up with oily tears
Thinking of how I scream
So loud
And no one is ever around to hear it

This girl kept the rhythm
Skirting the cat calls and grime
I wanted to wrap around her
And grab hold of her mind
But I walked on
Too scared to hear the end

The rain doesn't stop
When we go inside
The rust just builds
On tin cans
And all of us search
For another tomorrow

I wanted to clean your apartment
Wanted to surprise you
Finding homes for misplaced papers
Dusting between the books I’d given you
And there it was
Lying where hundreds of others had fallen
Tangled up
Trailing off
Into the dense confusion of your rug
It gleamed with a defiance
I found it  ridiculously dramatic
A yellow cord of betrayal
Forcing me to remember when I had dyed my hair last
3 months ago
Black
You said you liked it
A wave of sickness slammed into me
Faces swam through my head
Names twisted on my tongue
I backed into a corner
And kicked up the frenzy
It chased me through the forest of dust
And landed on my knee
Curling into a smile
That seemed to recognize my fear