I wonder what will happen to us when this becomes permanent
When I can't wake up to you laying beside me 9 out of every 10 days
Our only form of communication will become Skype, texting and phone calls
And we both already know we're horrible at keeping up with those

Will we fall apart at the seams like a t-shirt worn for year after year
Or will we hold strong like a building that withstands thousands of thunderstorms
I don't want to see such a bright friendship disenegrate to nothing
But as I've learned time and time again sometimes theres nothing to hold on to

I'm not good at letting go, but I'm worse at holding on
When everything I want to see us become is played against the chaotic picture
Of what we will be enduring in this next year
I feel tears tugging at the backs of my already red and puffy eyes

And so they fall like water pouring from a faucet
Thats been left on and walked away from
Pooling up and flooding every thought my insane brain can formulate
Hazing around every memory of you and I like it is already too late

Is it already too late to save my heart from this pain
I ponder as I realize that it is, the amount my heart aches for you to be here
Overshadows any thought of being able to pull away or forgetting you
And I answer my own question

Of course it is too late to spare myself
Now I can only cling to any hope that we can continue this closeness so far away
With my every being doubting myself and my abilities to keep in contact
My memory reminds me I have failed at this before

Turned around after just a few simple months of being apart from someone close
The knife in my back is turned like a wind up jack in the box
Every word used against me to explain the loss of my best friend
Is the music torturing my ears and the horrible clown of realization pops in my face

I don't want this to be you and I just as it was her and I
But what happens once is known to happen again
So my fearful heart will bring up it's guards and try to push you away
Forgetting as my brain knows that it is already too late

I guess this is what we get, for picking colleges so far away.

We're dreamers because we seek things we've never seen
Choose to push ourselves in directions of seemingly unattainable things
Always flyings hours away for things we could get right down the road
Because only with the changing scenary do we ever feel at home

As children our goals were never to be teachers or mommies
Instead we dreamt of dancing on broadway or touching the surface of the moon
With our heads in the clouds numbers of our peers
Continued to try to pull us down, and crash us into the dirt below their feet

But we stayed aloft in the air above their heads
Pushing our eyes into books, and our minds into places we'd never been
Dreaming of the days when we can free ourselves from being stuck
In the small towns we are born in, where the roads all seem to lead to the same places

If you're wondering who the dreamers around you are
Since we're approaching our final destination in this town, our senior year
You can find us finally at rest, at peace, stress levels seemingly at ease
With the knowledge that after this year we will finally be out of here

Us dreamers, we're the ones that have pushed ourselves beyond
Beyond what we thought we could do so we can get into our schools outside of this state, away from the fields that seem to surround us and the small resteraunts we've been to so many times that the waiters and waitress' know our names and what we like to eat

Whether we're flying away to the east coast for New York, the west coast
For LA, north, south or even to just a bordering state, we're the ones leaving
Going to places where no one knows our names because thats where we belong
In places where our identities are brand new, and we can start blank

Because in our minds as dreamers this town has never been enough for us
Some of us have stuck together like glue, but many of you never understood
So we were the backside of your jokes and the endurers of your pranks
Simply because we chose to push ourselves and not join in your childish games

We're dreamers because we see life outside of this town
Limits to where we will go and what we will be don't exist and never have
Joining family businesses or waiting tables will never be our career goals
Instead we will be the ones who visit town twice a year to see our families then leave

Jet off to our lives as broadway singers, astronauts, scientists and lawyers
Even as little kids we could set ourselves apart- when our teachers told us how these jobs were not realistic we told them it didn't matter
Because those were are dreams, and even as little kids we knew we were dreamers

And we would make our dreams could become a reality.

Tears cascade down my mascara stained cheeks
As I scream into my already wet pillow
Your name eases from my lips in a whisper
The very contrast to all the memories whirling within
Tornado like winds take over my mind
Removing any other thought, or possibility- all thats left is you

Your memory teasing me with detailed images of your smile
Something that was erased for so long I forgot it existed
Dimples tugging at the corners of your thin pink lips
As they framed your blinding white teeth, as straight as a picket fence
All thanks to three years of pain and torture of metal
That you whined about at every moment possible

But even when you whined, I couldn't take my attention away
Hypnotized by the sunset gleaming in your ever changing colored eyes
Reminding me that the world exists outside of your arms
Though I never wanted it to, I wanted to stay
To feel the warmth of the inside of that dreary black jacket
As long are your arms were at home there too

Home took on a different meaning with you
One that meant late summer nights with our minds among the stars
On a barely exinsistant landing strip
Dedicated as our towns sad excuse for an airport
Never did we see a plane, though we hoped
Sadly plotting that if we ever were so lucky it would show us the way out
Into a world that we hardly knew because we were both here
Stuck in a one horse town with people whose every name we knew

And then you were gone
Swept away with the changing of the tides from fall to winter
The seasons change without passing because my mind doesn't see
My eyes only exist glazed over in long lost memories
Days like death I would pray to forget if I ever thought that God did exist
And early morning hours I wish I could remember

Where ever you are now I hope you know this
Whether you're six feet below me or a thousand above
Your name rings in my ears every second of every day
Never forgetting the promises we made, or the games that we played
Tricking each other into believing that forever did exist
Never forgetting the times you made me laugh because you were stupid
Or the kisses that I never could seem to resist no matter how mad I was

We were robbed by depression that gripped your soul
It dug in its sharpened claws and snatched away the purest of hearts
Within months that raced by like moments it drained you
Like the longest of droughts drains the deepest of rivers
Away went the days of love and sanity and in came the hurricane of hate
Tearing apart everything that we had and throwing it a thousand feet away

Who knows where we would be now if you had managed to escape
To find your way, even broken or damaged, back into the eyes of that
Golden haired hero I could not tear my eyes away from
Even when you were preoccupied across the room hidden from my sight
I was fixated on you

Now that has translated into fixation of my brain
Onto memories and horror and pain that I can't find any way to contain
So I cry on nights like tonight when I can't get away
The dam of a facade I apply with my makeup every day fades
Into a twisted crumpled hurt of never understanding
Why you're still always on my mind

Hazy dream like memories are crushed by the terrors of fights
Then mended by the paintings of us on those late nights
Broken and shattered by screams we both regret
No matter what ever the flashback consists of
It is running through my mind, chased out only by
Shrieks into my soaked stained pillow
And never drying eyes

When wind whips through your hair
Covering your eyes so you can't see
Tangling your thick hair into waves
That i can't help but want to touch
I've lost myself in you
Imagining the sound of your laugh
Buzzing like a harmony against the rocks
Echoing with the sound of your favorite place
Hidden in the depths or our secret moments
I've been mesmerized by you
Songs that you like to blare fill the morning air
When I wake up from my nightmares
Scratching and screaming in my sleep
Begging for it  not to be real as you slip from my grasp
I'm haunted by you
The clock silent clicks the seconds away
Counting down to our shallow goodbye
When no words can describe the pain we will be feeling
Leaving someone who has grown so close
I've gotten attached to you
A friend, A lover, A label all your own
You have wiped away the tears
Kissed away the fears and broken dreams
And shared with me the darkest of nights
I am greatful for you
Without you I would surely not survive
Facing lowely empty lonely nights
Days without an anchor to hold my mind in place
My heart would break, my soul would fall apart at the seams
I've realized you mean everything to me.

I don't like your words spitting fire at my name
Pretending like I don't know the curses on your tongue
Every blood stained status' about being heartbroken
I'm not stupid, no, that's you

It's been three years and i've moved on
Past all the moonlight walks and candlelight dinners
To a better place in my life where you don't exist
Until recently you've started to persist

You didn't haunt my dreams anymore
I could look at a picture of us without crying
My parents trusted me to leave the house without
Threatening to run away to you

Seeing your name on the screen
Seems just a little bit surreal as I respond
"Hey!" to your excited hello
Not sure with you, quite where this is going to go

Because you like mind games and figuring people out
You went from Pre-Med to pyschology
I should've guessed you'd make that turn-about
Each word from you is carefully crafted, now that I can tell

I've gotten smarter since we've last talked
Been put through a little more by a few more people
Testing my limits and breaking my fears
I'm not the same little girl you knew my freshman year

Sure I still have the same blue eyes that shine when I cry
And the same broken heart that tore to pieces when you left
The same false confidence that takes people for a ride
Same snarky comments that tend to be so snide

But i've evolved and i've grown up
As obviously as you haven't
With your fifty-cent words and smart alek comments
Still the same as they were when you left

Now I can see through your facade
Predict every move you'll make because I've made them
I'm more expierenced  now then ever before
You weren't expecting a lot but you're going to get much more

Before you get stuck in this plot of revenge
I suggest you take the easy way out
Go to your friends list and click remove
Forget my name existed, like you seemed to before

Damaged people are the most dangerous
Because they know how to survive
Through the pain and the cold and the heartache
That others have never experienced

I'm dangerous to you, and the history you remind me of
I put it in my past, forgot and expected that to last
I am better off without you, that's obvious now
That my life doesn't revolve around you, as you made it to somehow

I'm never going back to that
The dark and lonely places
That you left me wondering what was happening
Now I know that I did nothing wrong

You were the one at fault, you were the one to blame
What is going to come may be childish, or even a bit insane
So here it is, your warning
Welcome to my game.

You make me hurt
You make me crave
You make me want to see a meaning within every
Wasted line in every dark moment I've left behind
You make me wonder
You make me wish
You make me want to run head first into a brick wall
With only prayers and a hard head to save me from dying
You make me scream
You make me cry
You make me want to write you an angry poem just so I
Can feel the hatred dripping like blood out of every line
You make me ponder
You make me hate
You make me want to hate everything that I am and everything
That I have let myself become since out deterioration

I want to hate you
But instead I crave you
I pull myself deep inside every moment I have alone
To disect every thought I've ever had to find a meaning
I want to wonder about better things
but you make me wish for you
I find myself running toward a wall over and over only to hit
It again and again but each time still hoping it will be different
I want to scream my hatred for you
But instead I cry out your name
I can't gain control enough to make myself dispell you from my
Ever present memory long enough to convince myself I don't need you
I want to ponder life without you
But you make me hate life itself
I want to become someone new someone better then myself because
You killed me and won't let me remember anything else

I haven't been able to think about you without crying
To look at your picture on my wall was too painful
It may have been better if you had died, like Dominick

But you didn't, no you still exist
Strong and persistant in my memory and alive and well somewhere else
I wonder if you meant all those hurtful words you said

I saw pictures of you today happy and smiling
Did I really make your life a sad dark hell?
Or is that just what you're telling yourself

Is that just your sad pathetic excuse
For giving yourself a reason to cut me loose
Because we were drifting a part so slowly

You were the only person who knew me that well
To know the little words that would **** me
So you made sure to say them, knew what insults to spew

I'm starting to think you wanted me to hate you
You told me not to cry, but you knew I would
I'm telling myself all the things you knew I would

That i'm a horrible person, I don't deserve to be loved
That all of my efforts were wasted, never enough
But I hope you know, I'm not the only one I blame

I'm not dense enough to think friendships are one way
You could've made an effort, you could've made a step
Hell there are so many different things you even could've just said

Let me know where we were headed, cause I didn't even know
But instead you left me here all alone
Justifying your actions with the things that killed me

Along with stupid other petty things
You said you feel "I'm adjusting just fine"
Then suggested you'll live your life, and I'll live mine

Whatever happened to the days, for thirteens years
Where we were like family through blood sweat and tears
Your mom isn't there for me like another mom anymore

All of your selfish (or was it selfless) motives closed that door
I keep blaming myself, I rant and then I blame you
I go down the long list of all the stupid reasons why our firendship is through

And what it boils down to, is we bit off more then we could chew
This distance was too much for us it tore us both apart
You were just the stronger one, for finally freeing your heart