kiss me deeply,
use the rhythm
of your hips to
tell me you love me
without words,

let me do all
the talking, only
when I write
about the heat
of your breath
on my neck,

the grip of
your hands
on my hips,

the overwhelming
thrill when I feel
your weight
on top of me,

because when
words fail, all I
need is your
body language.

- S.G.

I don’t need you to psychoanalyze
my every reaction,

I left out punctuation
when I responded to you,
I gave you a one worded answer,
I let my head hang
a little lower today,
and I wanted to be alone

I don’t need your ******* Freudian theories,
and you can keep your ******* remedies
because no amount of positive thinking
is going to slow my mind’s decay

And I don’t need to justify myself,
to someone who is practically a stranger

If I can’t comprehend
what my mind does to me some days
enough to put it into words,
neither can you.

- S.G.

I will never stop wanting more of you,
every breath, every word,
there will always be things
that you keep inside of yourself,
but I want to hear every thought you push aside,
I want to know your darkness,
the cobwebs you hide in the recesses of your mind
because I know you have so many shades that I have yet to see,
that you don’t even know yourself,
and I want to learn them with you

you may think all of your candles have burned out
but without light, there are no shadows

- S.G.

You asked me why I don’t like bringing people around
why I spend every day alone in my room
when I have plenty of people who would love my company
and my thoughts were so tangled around the real answer that
all I could tell you was that something in me changed a few months ago

I couldn’t get it out of me
you cannot know that I have succumbed to my need for control
and now it is what controls me

I don’t make my own decisions,
everything is pre-planned and mechanical

while I let my hands crawl their way
down my throat and empty out my stomach
I tell myself this is it,

this is really what it means
to be in control

I let myself believe that fighting my demons
means giving up every ounce of control that I have gained
in the past two years
by giving up myself

I don’t want them,
I don’t want you,
to get close to me because if you’re close enough
you can see the cracks in my skin

but no one can see how easily
I fracture if I keep my distance

I don’t want to be broken,
but more than that I don’t want you to realize that I am.

- S.G.

When I look at you
I see a light that refuses to burn out,
no matter how many times the wind
uses all its might to blow out your candles

a light that flickers, and dims,
and fades but still remains
through the darkest nights

and in lucid daylight
continues to burn

because no matter how bright the sun can shine,
there is no such thing, as too much light.

- S.G.

I have some of
the deepest hatred
for people who use other people’s
names in poetry,
and music,
and anything that’s art.

I believe that
you are supposed to
be able to relate to art.

And when I read
someone else’s name
All I can think is,
that I really am
completely and utterly
on my own with my feelings.

****, I really am alone.

-S.G.

Eternity probably doesn’t exist
at least not the eternity
that I was taught my whole life

Maybe life is pointless
maybe everything we work up to
is a waste
and maybe we’re all
completely insignificant

But as long as I get to spend
the little time that I do have here
with you,
I don’t care.

I could wait
for the moment that death decides
to stop looming over my shoulder
to finally take me down with it
or I could spend all of that time
learning what you,
your mouth,
your eyes,
your body
has to teach me.

And honestly I wouldn’t mind
being completely ignorant
to the rest of the world if it meant
I was busy studying you.

- S.G.

My chest caves in
when I see your eyes
devoid of hope

I wish I still saw life in you,
I wish I wasn’t waiting for the day that
I get the call that I’ve expected so many times,
I have been pushing the thought out of my head
since I was ten and I saw the scars
"from my cat," you told me

I could be a hypocrite
and tell you not to be so afraid,
tell you to take care of yourself
because people want you around

but I can’t tell you to keep living,
I would never dare ask you not to
give up

not now,
not anymore

just please,
please don’t leave me yet,
I’m afraid
your empty words
still mean everything to me.

- S.G.

An wave of uneasiness
fills the room
as you step in

Eyes as black as
the night sky,
but it’s not the darkness
that scares them
it’s what the darkness holds,
or in this case what it lacks

You move
so mechanically
it is all so routine to you

Converse,
move your ****-red lips as fast
as your heart is beating


If only they knew
your word *****
could never compare to
what you ***** every night
when the doors close

Blink,
do not let them look into your eyes
because if they do
they might see it all

That no matter how empty you are,
you still feel this insatiable need
to continue pouring yourself out

I can’t promise you a thing
except that
someday it will have taken all of you.

- S.G.

Everyone I’ve spoken to


Tells me that if you were
“Actually” suicidal


You wouldn’t want
Anyone to know

To be honest I’ve


Probably said it myself


A few times

But I don’t know if


I can believe that,


Because every time


I think of dying


All I want to do is


Scream, “Hear me,


hear my ******* voice
and understand it, because


I need you to know that
This is real,
and this is all I think about”

And I don’t want to hear


That it is going to get better.


I just want to feel legitimate again.

- S.G.

***** up my sorrows
'til I'm empty,
'til I'm cold.

***** up my sorrows,
I’ll be buried ‘fore
I’m old.

- S.G.

Kiss me with
your burning
lips,
let your
curious fingers
run down to
the small of
my back
and find
their home
there
between my
hips,
let the heat
melt away
the years of
wasted passion
and make me
feel again.

- S.G.

I want to watch all
The teeth fall out
Of my mouth
My eyes sink
Into my skull
Every hair
Fall out of my head

Brittle nails and blue fingertips
Yellowing patches
And skin
Clear enough to see rivers
Flowing beneath
Canvased tight,
as if my bones
Are just hoping to break free

To cut through
The canvas with
The knife my grandfather
Gave me
Spilling everything

Every word
I could never get out
Every time getting
Caught on
The tip of my tongue

No glass half full
Or half empty
I want to be as shallow
as it gets

When the waves
Crash against the shoreline
Making their way up
To meet your sand-covered toes,
That is as shallow as
The water gets

I could never
Be so versatile
As the ocean

I have to choose,
And what’s the point of
Such strong feelings
If they are always trapped
And writhing
On my inside

- S.G.

I wasn’t looking
for God, but I
found the Devil,

He slid his
hands up my
skirt, rosary
beads and
all, breathing
skewed
bible verses
into my ******
ears like Mary,

The only tongue
he spoke in
was the one
he was sliding
down my throat,
forked and
snakelike,

He told me,
"Your absence
of faith is pleasing
though incorrect,
you see, just as
seeing doesn’t
mean believing,
rejecting something
doesn’t rob it of
it’s existence.
That means your
sin still counts.”

And I will burn in Hell,
just like everyone else.

- S.G.

"You’re not bitter anymore"
She spit it out like
Old, tasteless gum

And I wanted to retort:
“You’re ******* right
I’m not bitter
I’m not sorry that I left
And it doesn’t hurt to
Keep leaving you anymore
sometimes I even hope
It’s the last time I do”

But all that came out was:
“I know, I’m getting better”

Better without you
And I know that’s why
It sounded like an insult
When you said it to me

- S.G.

I hope this
cigarette finally
gets rid of the
taste you left
in my mouth

like coffee-breath,
that lingers until
it’s scoured away

I’ve tried
mouthwash,
dish soap,
bleach

and there’s
still your
after-taste

but does
it really matter
when I always
break down and
have another
cup later,
anyways?

- S.G.

I love you like you are the last breath I’ll ever take,
breathing you in fully; your everything turned to particles in my lungs, growing
cancerous tumors in my chest where there may as well be a sign hanging,
between my *******, ‘Yours, all yours’ because there will never be
another that can poison me and make me whole the way that you do.

- S.G.

I am not your rock,
your place of solace,
and I cannot give you
structure in these
empty words

My own life is
cracking at it’s
foundation
and I’ve lost
the architects
phone number

You have to
find foundation
in yourself

because odds are
your handyman,
isn’t on-call for only you

and when the
wind comes,
and the rain pours
you’ll be stuck
with leaky ceiling tiles
and a draft that will
chill you to the bone

- S.G.

I am
Spiraling,  
        spiraling,
spiraling

         d
           o
             w
               n,

and I can’t
find one thing
to grasp onto,

not the
smallest little
bit of hope to
cling to,

the ember
burning bright
at the end of my
cigarette does
not make up
for the sunlight
I’ve been lacking,

and the words
stuck on repeat
in my head, like
a skipping vinyl,

every living
          thing dies,
      every living thing
dies, every living
     thing dies, and soon
                     you will too,

do not mourn
over loss of
perspective
while you still
have hold of it,

do not mourn
for the emptiness
you will no longer feel,

do not mourn
for Heaven,
and do not
mourn for Hell,

just be happy
          it all ends.

- S.G.

I have to ***** out
My darkness
Like a candle
Or it’s wax drips from
My lips and tongue
And scalds those close to me

I let it burn
Long enough to
Let you know of it’s
Presence
It’s scent filling the room
with hints of
Warm Hazelnut,
Pumpkin Spice,
Clean Cotton

Giving that conversant,
Almost-friendly,
atmosphere

Familiar.

Bringing you in
For more,
Because, hey,
Everyone’s a little bruised,
A little vacant
and dim, Right?

And Nobody,
not one single person
wants to be
Alone in that until
We realize our darkness
Shuts out everything else

That adding another
Person’s shadow to our own,
Is what everyone means when
They talk of
The blind leading the blind.

- S.G.

I wish I could write for you,
I wish I could die for you,
I wish everything I said
Didn’t seem like I was
Lying to you.

- S.G.

"Everything is funny
when you realize nothing
actually matters at all.”

So I’ll laugh as I
plunge my fingers
down my throat,

cut my veins open;
bleed myself dry,

a hollowed out
tree is the closest
I’ve ever been to

happy

and if nothing matters,
do I have any reason
to wish for better days?

- S.G.

I’m an apparition; nothing but black and blue skin,
coffee stained teeth, and cigarette smoke

You’re nothing but tired eyes, lanky elbows, and a hollow chest;
but that doesn’t make me love you any less.

- S.G.

'Sorry,' the only words I manage to let slip past my
trembling lips, because there is nothing else to say, you have
every right to hate me and every right to leave, and I can see it, feel it, the
language of your body tells that you are afraid that if you don’t
leave now, you may never escape. Because I am a burning building you
knew you couldn’t save, but you tried anyway, gave me all that you could,
and more, poured yourself out over and over again, hoping that I’d finally
let you fix me, but I am void, my mouth razor blades against your soft skin,
my words bitter and cold, they tried to warn you that nothing fills this emptiness,
but you were too busy hoping (naively hoping) you could be my rescue.

- S.G.

The first time I kissed a girl her tongue was coated in morphine and I’ve been chasing that high ever since. I tried to replace it by soaking my brain with prescriptions: codeine, dextromethorphan, etc.

A chemical storm raging in my brain; a storm that’s aftermath is present to this day. I still feel the bugs under my skin at night, sometimes the room spins and I remember the revelations I had.

the one most prominent being that this is Hell, that there is no place better or worse than earth, we are in an actual living Hell and that comforts me just as much as it kills me.

I have thought that
so many times that I
honestly
could not tell you

but if I could give you
anything in the world
it would be an answer
to all the questions
that eat at you
every single day

most importantly
an answer that fulfills you

But I guess
death just defeats
all consolation

And I can see your heart break
every time you talk about the future
every time you let your love for life
swallow you

-S.G.