I place my hand on your bare

Stomach and you **** because its

So cold,

I would kiss you

But I know you don’t like

The taste of blood and ***** mixed,
I also know that the thick purple bags under my eyes turn you off, you’d rather watch me get a full nights rest than **** me now,

I’m pathetic at best yet you still love me, and the longer you stay the more I feel sad for you, but please don’t ever mistake that for a wish that you’d leave

You’re the glue that holds my bones together and I’d collapse into dust without you.

- S.G.

self destruction is a strange thing,
it’s all-consuming and before you
know it, hurting yourself
as a priority becomes second nature,

before you know it, ideas of
suicide slipping into your mind
are just another part of your
every day, every week,
every month rituals,

like brushing your teeth

or waking up with blood in
your *******

just another thing to mark
on your calendar,

depression becomes another
lover with baggage you thought
you could handle, but you didn’t
know that that baggage would
weigh so heavy on your soul,

you think you’re stronger
than this, and I’m here to tell
you that you are,

but being strong enough
doesn’t always mean sticking
it out with a lover that makes
your heart weary,

the palpitations aren’t a sign
that you’re weak, they’re a
message pattering in and out in
quick, unsteady impulses to remind
you that your heart still beats
but it’s just as tired as you are,

and you both deserve better than this.

- S.G.

I’m an apparition; nothing but black and blue skin,
coffee stained teeth, and cigarette smoke

You’re nothing but tired eyes, lanky elbows, and a hollow chest;
but that doesn’t make me love you any less.

- S.G.

It’s late and I want to be charming
and say that I’m still up because I’m
thinking of you, but I’m not

it’s just my brain chemistry has
been so off lately that if I let my
mind focus on emotion for even
a second, I lose control

so I’ve been pushing you to the
back of my mind because you
bring out the most life in me,

too much life.

so I’ll be up all night pretending
I’m not a hopeless romantic, smoking
cigarettes out of this 8th floor hotel window,
wondering how much I’d feel if I let myself fall.

- S.G.

I step into my bathtub, my blue skin steaming as it hits the water,
hoping its hot enough to sear off the ***** feeling your touch left,
but god knows I’ve tried so many times and I still can’t peel back my
pruned skin afterwards to reveal the innocence I once wore,

I stay up until I physically can’t. I try to focus on the constant taste of ***** or blood in my mouth at night to keep my mind from bringing back the phantom scent of lukewarm beer and menthol cigarettes when I close my eyes.

My head is flooding (I think you’re the reason I only ever drink liquor, but I know you’re the reason I scowl at people who smoke Newport 100s) I am disgusted- No. I am disgusting, you made me disgusting.

I can’t let go of this fear of no control, because when you held power you pushed my limits far past their breaking point and even then I was too weak, too weak to say no, too afraid I’d be the one condemned.

You eradicated every rule and broke me and it’***** me harder now than ever, because the dust rose after you leveled me.

Now I can see you as the monster you are, now I just wish I was numb.

- S.G.

Your perspective
Is your reality

You create your demons

the disappearing creature
You see out of the corner
Of your eye,
The dictating voices,
And all of the ghosts
That haunt you

You laugh,
try to convince
The world
That You are not afraid

But you still don’t know
That you, yourself,
Can destroy the very
Demons you are
So bound by

repeat after me:
“I am in control.”

You can exorcise
The cold, abandoned
Body you are
Meant to treat
Like a home

Purge it’s
Negative forces,
Rid it of cobwebs
And dust mites,
Set rat traps,
Pull up the blinds
And paint the shutters
The same colour as
The sun in the sky

You are not
Deep, dark and dank
Like they said you were

You are
A little bit empty,
And in need of some
Home improvement

You are not unfixable,
Because you are not broken

- S.G.

I have to ***** out
My darkness
Like a candle
Or it’s wax drips from
My lips and tongue
And scalds those close to me

I let it burn
Long enough to
Let you know of it’s
Presence
It’s scent filling the room
with hints of
Warm Hazelnut,
Pumpkin Spice,
Clean Cotton

Giving that conversant,
Almost-friendly,
atmosphere

Familiar.

Bringing you in
For more,
Because, hey,
Everyone’s a little bruised,
A little vacant
and dim, Right?

And Nobody,
not one single person
wants to be
Alone in that until
We realize our darkness
Shuts out everything else

That adding another
Person’s shadow to our own,
Is what everyone means when
They talk of
The blind leading the blind.

- S.G.