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I'm sorry
I couldn't remember
the story
you've never told me.
You forget
I haven't known you your whole life,
even though it feels that way
to you.


*© NDHK
I
Don't want
To be
Your stranger
On a
Highway.  

I
Would like
To be
Your partner
In a
Robbery.


*© NDHK
i

Then must I always bear your endless accusations?
They all prove false, but still I have to fight them.
If I happen to glance at the marble theater's topmost row,
you pick some girl in the crowd to moan about;
or if a beautiful woman looks at me wordlessly,
you charge she's using lovers' wordless signs.
If I compliment a girl, you try to tear out my hair;
if I criticize one, you think I've got something to hide.
If I look well, I love no one - not even you;
if I'm pale, you say that I'm pining for someone else.
I wish I really had committed some such sin:
punishment hurts less when you deserve it;
but as it is, your wild indictments at every turn
themselves forbid your wrath to have much weight.
Think of the little long-eared donkey's wretched lot:
continual beatings only make him stubborn.
Now look, here's another charge: Cypassis, your coiffeuse,
is cast at me for defiling her mistress's bed!
The gods forbid that I, even if I yearned to sin,
should find delight in a slave-girl's lowly lot!
What man, being free, would want a servile liaison,
or wish to embrace a body the whip has scarred?
And furthermore, the girl's your personal beautician,
and valued by you because of her skillful hands.
Is it likely that I'd approach such a trusted serving-maid?
What would I get, but rejection and exposure?
By Venus and by the bow of her swift boy I swear,
you'll never find me guilty of that crime.

ii

Cypassis, expert at dressing the hair in a thousand ways
(but you ought to arrange the tresses of goddesses only)
you that I've found quite polished in stolen ecstasy,
fit for your mistress's service, but fitter for mine,
whoever was it that told of our bodies joining together?
Where did Corinna learn of our affair?
Could I have blushed? Or slipped by a single word to give
some sign that has betrayed our furtive joys?
And what of it, if I argued that nobody could transgress
with a servant, except for a man who was out of his mind
The Thessalian burned with passion for lovely Briseis, a servant;
the Mycenean leader loved Apollo's slave.
I'm no greater man than Achilles, or the scion of Tantalus.
How can what's fine for kings be foul for me?
And yet, when your mistress turned her glowering eyes on you,
I saw a deep blush spread all over your face.
But how much more possessed I was, if you recall,
I swore my faith by Venus's great godhead!
(You, goddess, bid, I pray, the warm Southwind to blow
those innocent lies across the Carpathian sea.)
Now give me a sweet return for the favor I did you then,
by bedding with me, you dusky Cypassis, today.
Don't shake your head, you ingrate, pretending you're still afraid:
you can please one of your masters, and that's enough.
If you're silly enough to refuse, I'll confess all that we've done,
making myself the betrayer of my own crime,
and I'll tell your mistress how often we met, Cypassis, and where,
and how many times we did it, and how many ways!
I may seem so heavenly in all the things I say
The words that fly with silken wings may chase your gloom away
But I, in all, tell lies of love, for I've found not one that lasts
So I apologize to you for poems of the past
Tears fall continually into the pen with which I write my words
Manipulating romantic tendencies so I may somehow be heard
But even the most vile demon can speak words of honeydew
But all you'll find is with those words they run off to hell with you
So look at me beyond this shell and say those three words again
And if you find they are sincere, I will stay until the end
But until my scribblings on this paper turn to played-out verbs
Beware of me and of promises, for they may be only words...
the paper feels jilted
the pen seems to have abandoned him
he misses her tickling caress
she was always an adulteress
frolicking with the fingers that held her

                                                            ­                     paper, pen , fingers
                                                         ­          they were an exciting *******


                                                   ­         if only he knew
                                                            ­                                                                 ­          the pen weeps her inky tears
                                                           ­                                                                 ­             she has lost both her lovers-
                                                         ­                                                                 ­the paper lies too far off, too distant
                                                         ­                                                                 ­                  in her sorrow she is spent
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                         unable to touch him
                                           she was first and foremost always his
                                    the fingers were just a necessary flirtation
                                        but now even the fingers have found
                                                      more fertile ground?

Meanwhile the fingers come
in ecstatic betrayal
sexting with the keyboard
wham bam thank you ma’m
                                                            ­    and its done

-Vijayalakshmi Harish
  26/10/.2012

Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
All* this time,
Months and *months
,
getting over you,
forgetting all I knew,

But then you came back,
I didn't know who you were at first,
a man in the distance staring at me,
and then I wave, and see, and know-

It's you.

I gasp for air but no air comes,
my heart doesnt beat it just feels empty.
I feel like the world has ****** out all of my life,
just an empty carcass, a structure without a soul.

It's not fair anymore- i think,
my heart cries but my brain stops it showing,
I ask why you're here and you say you just came by,

BUT WHY?

why do that?
at the end of the year,
after months of no contact-

just show up like everything is fine.

But thats you though,
You use your arrogance and smile against me,

My guards are up at first but slowly i relax,
pretend it's all ok,
that you're not going to leave,
that I'm the innocent little teenager that fell for you.

And my guards fall down,
I let myself be me,
I flirt and you flirt back,

I thought that it would be ok,

But it isn't

As soon as I let myself go it's time to leave,
time to say goodbye,
time to act like nothing happened.
Pretend I hate you in front of my mother,
When in fact I'm still drawn to you,
I still dream and I still love you,

I just can't help it.

And then you walk away,
not even saying goodbye.

Thats the third time now,
the third time I love you and you leave,

and I cry,
But don't let my feelings show to anyone.

Except my ipod and the tear stains on my book.

I love you.

I'll never forget you.

I want you to say you love me,

But I know it will never work.

I know you won't be with me,

I know I'll always be empty.

Waiting,

*Just waiting.....
Ok so....this is a bit *******- but I can't think of structure at a time like this. You may have realised that the boy I write the majority of sad poems about (boy with black hair) came back yesterday. And it hurt. Big time. I may make another poem about it that actually is a poem and not jumbled words together.
and i’m starting to think

i need a lampshade big
enough to hide the
possibility of us
under,


because we are light we
are fallen sun and stars and skydust
beaming brilliantly without cause


and most importantly

we are
possible.
written in october 2011.

reworked a line from a poem written earlier this year, "if you weren't so far from me."
it means something else entirely to me now.
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