I guess what I want to say is that sleeping alone never bothered me much
I thought I knew how to give myself over to someone
I thought I knew what it was like to feel wanted
I thought I knew what being broken felt like
I thought I knew everything before I met you.
I feel cheated because I never got the full chance to give you everything.
I try to chalk this all up to another experience in my life
Another stitch in the heart
Notch on the bedpost
The truth is that I left that seashell
As well as part of me that night
Thrown somewhere on your floor
In mad passion

One day down the line
I'll have someone to come home to
In the meantime
I'll come home to paper and a pen
I'll write down every moment that will lead to you.

I am always the constant.
He is the little boy on the beach
Endlessly chasing after the same kite.
She is the wave
Always thrusting away from the shore.
I am always the constant.

He is the hitchhiker
Always running away and searching for answers.
Yet, I am always the constant.

A different boy.
He is the flirt on the street
Who always gives the runaround.
They are the countless numbers
Heartbreaking rebels without a cause.
He is the butterfly
Who has evolved into a beautiful person.
They are the mice
Walking blindly into the traps.
I am the constant.

I no longer rest my eyes
catnap
slumber
or fall asleep
I crash into oblivion.

July of my fifteenth year
on vacation with my father
Somewhere on the East Coast
Faded photographs rest untouched
in one of the many shoe boxes out of reach
The clearest memory I have
was in the deep end of the hotel pool
I sank down and held myself there
Eyes focused on the glimmering sun
Blurry through the rippling water
I felt vulnerable in the best way
Knowing letting my breath out
Would lead to going home
To an all-encompassing silence
While I only let out half of my breath
Before coming back up to greet the sunbeams
That memory never left.

Fifteen days
Since I learned to gather these shards of soul
Scars in tact, and love with all I was capable of
A leap of faith
My mind drunk on the wine
My body drunk on your bliss
I gave you all that was left of me

Perched on knotted driftwood
The wind howling past me
Toes buried in moist sand
Lost in the allure of the black briny bay
Endless constellations
All I thought in that instant--
I wish I were among them.