It's an insatiable need for human contact
When I find myself hating solitude
I mean, not simply being alone in a room
Alone at heart
My soul longs for comfort
Instead of having the courage to speak up
I fake smiles
Hoping to eventually fool myself
Killing the inner pessimist
Feeling happy. Really happy.

The soft glow of the TV
Illuminates childhood photos on my wall
Two beer bottles sit alone on the nightstand
I'm drunk enough to find humor in two things
First-- that at least they have each other to comfort
Second--- that they're both empty, just like me.

Stuck in a rut twenty three feet deep
One for every year I've failed on cue
Dirt falling in at a steady pace
Everyone with their lives figured out
They congregate and tamp down the debris
The possibility of getting out unscathed is that much harder
Looking for hidden optimism somewhere in the dark

I asked you to define romance.
I can't remember word-for-word what you'd said
I can however, freeze and replay the moment you replied.
Your feet were buried in the Earth
Fingers sifting sand
You washed your hands in the water
Sealed the space between us and held my hand.
We shared a perfect silence that could inspire God.
You then asked me to define romance
I can't remember word-for-word what I'd said, either.
I can however, tell you what I'd say now.
Romance is how I felt holding your hand.
We could take over the world without saying a word.

I welcomed the day with a cup of coffee
Strong, but not as strong as I used to have it
No whiskey, but a year ago, there would have been
I never liked the taste of sugar or cream
I would only pour it in to watch the colors swirl
I liked the whiskey with it's warmth churning
Releasing insecurities and lulling them to sleep
They would climb up as demons
Clawing their way back into my mind
I've built an arsenal this time without needing a crutch
This time, I've got bullets loaded with confidence and good intentions
Lock and load.

Woke up this morning sober
In the groggy intoxicating hold of sleep
For a brief instant, I swore I was in your room
Blankets at the foot of the bed
Wrapped up in you, mind and body
All I could think about
How beautiful you are when you sleep
How that moment should be infinite
Because we fit so well, and you feel like home
I tipped your chin up to kiss you good morning
You were gone
Alone, I could only feel the cold sheets where I wanted you to be.

I wanted to be your comfort every night
I wanted to fix you when your heart would ache
I wanted to take in every word you say
I wanted to kiss your body with mine again
I wanted to be your strength when your bones became weary
I wanted to be your inspiration when the world was ugly
I wanted to be your warmth, a muse, a goddess
I wanted to be your home to come back to every night
I wanted this to happen outside of my wishful thinking.