& so you leave me
here
unable to kiss another
without
still tasting you
on the tip
of their tongues

& so you leave me
here
unable to kiss another
without
still tasting you
on the tips
of their tongues

today
i'm reminiscing
the way you smell
there
in the curve of your neck
where
i want to plant my nose
forever
cause your scent
makes me high
like a good joint

i could inhale
you
all
day
long

so they say
love
is better the second time around
&
its a lot like
going in for seconds
when you already know
how the first dish tasted
but
you just can’t get enough
so
you head back
for more

i wonder
if you’re as good
as my second plate
of saag paneer
i’ve been working on
for the last half hour
knowing i’m too full
to continue
but willing to stuff myself completely
for the sake of
feeling
complete
& utter fulfillment
of you

i never was very good
at sharing things
meant to be mine
even as a child
i would hide my things
& guard them
like a pirates treasure
just to keep others
from walking away
with them

not that you
are another one of
my play things

but just the same
i dont want you
walking away
while holding my heat
in your hands

my heart
wasn't’ meant to be
shared and passed around
like an old tired joint
only to be lit
when you want to feel my high
to escape from
your life

Sometimes yellow is light and soft
like a down pillow or a fluffy kitten.
Sometimes yellow is bright and sharp
like the sour taste of orange juice
or  cool like the crispness felt in the first fall breeze
Sometimes yellow can be inviting
like the perfect temperature of a warm shower
or it can be dark muddy and bland
like the taste of blended mashed cold peas
but most of the time
yellow is silent
it is a morning without sound
that breaks
only with the slow introduction of birds
chirping
one
by
one

she's gotta have it

she's gotta have it
every morning
before she leaves

cause it gets her going\
she likes it

non stop
like running water\
she likes it
hot
as a summers night

so sweat can drain down her sides slowly
like rain down warm glass\

she's gotta have it
bittersweet & strong

cause she loves the way it feels\
creamy & smooth
against her lips
titillating her body
caressing her heart

rousing it to beat rhythmically

it's the only thing on her mind when she wakes
to reach over
&
take it all in


that hot
thick
black
coffee

patience hasn’t been
one of my better
virtues
& if you’re expecting me
to wait for you
like a stranded man
in the sahara
who has no where else
to go


that is like
asking
to wait for death
after the poisonous
bite of a snake

the fear that you won’t return
will paralyze me

for you
are only a mirage
so i
will grasp my own vine
pull myself
out of this quicksand
i am sinking in.

i'm sorry that the first breath i bring into this world
is one deep filled with pollution
corruption
fear
& the deep raging of man

i'm sorry that you cant revel in your nakedness
without the piercing of a perverts eye
or the prodding of a Catholics lance
and that you have to grow up, a Amazon
fiercely protecting your innocence
from those wanting to beat against it
until it resembles the tattered skin
of a well worn drum
& that the acceptance of self
is illusionary
in terms of cosmo stars ******* thin and skeletal
your identity, lost in sizes real women don't exist in
or in the way real men aren’t really perceived

i'm sorry that the meaning of friends
will often turn into the meaning enemies
who start rumors that will turn you into a *****
to be shunned while your virginity is vilely forgotten
in the backseat of a make-believe van
or that they
will give you falsities telling you being a man
doesn't really extend beyond the six inches
you hold at night

i cant apologize enough for the things you will find
lacking in others
the sad absence of esteem
that will wilt them away
like dehydrated flowers in the sun
killing all those around you
from ****** of needles, popping of pills, shattering
of bullets, gulletting of food
and yes even  from love, unprotected.
i wish there, you did not have to learn
that high school will be
a prison barring you of your freedom
stripping you of your identity
and ****** privy from your open grasp

i'm sorry that you may come to know
what parenthood is before i have yet
to figure it out
or that when it is time to venture
into the world alone
that college will be a constant search for self
because what defines you will change
daily based on the opinion of others

there,
i wish you did not have to learn
all men are not honest
are not faithful
and that you will be revered
as an object to be had and not held
as an object to be acquired and forgotten.

i apologize that your life will not be
the fairytale promised to you
and that the ethics and morals
instilled will be something
your challenged to swallow
more than the
daily bread and wine
you eat and drink

i would hope that you would know
you are more than the game you play
your brain extends beyond the passing of a ball
and that the easy way to the top is not
flat on your back

i am sorry that
until you are old or i am dead
i must keep a sharp eye and a constant tight grasp
only to prevent you from running head first
into the world

forgive me for making me show you
the difference between
right and wrong
**** and love
honesty and duplicity
strength and weakness
sound principalities and ill gotten gains

i am sorry that
that when you get my age
crows feet will fall from the sky
and land on your face
gravity will pull at your skin
till it swings like pendulums
in the late time of your life
and that pink ribbons will
no longer belong
in your hair
but over your *******

forgive me but i must tell you
not to succumb to the *******
of a doctors tool
but to relish in your old age
knowing that it is your reward
and only proof
that you lived long
and loved hard


i’m sorry that out of my brief moment of pleasure
my ****** brings you into a world filled with so much pain

how selfish of me.

but to think that maybe
just maybe
you came into this world
knowing
and maybe
the first breath i bring into this world
will be one deep filled with purity
candor
valor
& the deep raging for equality

and that maybe
just maybe
my ******
finally did something right
after all.

i'm sorry that the first breath i bring into this world
is one deep filled with pollution
corruption
fear
& the deep raging of man

i'm sorry that you can't revel in your nakedness
without the piercing of a perverts eye
or the prodding of a Catholics lance
and that you have to grow up, an Amazon
fiercely protecting your innocence
from those wanting to beat against it
until it resembles
the tattered skin
of a well worn drum

i’m sorry that the acceptance of self
is illusionary
in terms of cosmo stars wafer thin and skeletal
and that your identity
will be lost in sizes real women don't exist in
and isn’t in the way
real men are actually perceived

i'm sorry that the meaning of friends
will often turn into the meaning enemies
who start rumors
turning you into a ***** to be shunned
while your virginity is vilely forgotten
in the backseat of a make-believe van
or that falsities will lie in telling you
being a man doesn't extend
beyond the six inches
you hold at night

i can't apologize enough for the things you will find
lacking in others
and the sad absence of esteem
that will slowly ebb away from yourself
like dehydrated flowers in the sun
from ****** of bullies needling,
seeing the popping of pills,
dodgin the shattering of bullets,
or the repetitive
gulluting
purging
gulluting of food
and yes even from love, unprotected

i apologize you will have to learn
that high school will be a social prison
****** privy from your open grasp
and stripping you of your identity
by barring you of expressive freedom
forcing you into cliquish nightmares
to survive for protection

i'm sorry that you may come to know
what parenthood is before i have yet
to figure it out
or that when it is time to venture
into the world alone
that college will be a constant search for self
because what defines you will change
daily based on the opinion of others

i’m sorry you will learn
even as an adult that all men are not honest
and that you will be revered
as an object
to be had and not held
as an object
to be acquired and conquered
then quickly forgotten.

i apologize that your life will not be
the fairytale promised to you
and that the ethics and morals
instilled will be something
you're challenged to swallow
more than the daily bread and wine
you eat and drink

i would hope that you would know
you are more than the game you play
that your brain extends beyond the passing of a ball
and that the easy way to the top is not
by climbing into bed
falling flat on your back

i am sorry that
until you are old or i am dead
i must keep a sharp eye and a constant tight grasp
only to prevent you from running head first
into the world and cracking it
upon every wall  presented to you

forgive me for making me show you
the difference between
right and wrong
**** and love
honesty and duplicity
strength and weakness
sound principalities and ill gotten gains

i am sorry that
that when you get my age
crows feet will fall from the sky
and land on your face
gravity will pull at your skin
till it swings like pendulums
in the late time of your life
and that pink ribbons will
no longer belong
in your hair
but over your *******

forgive me but i must tell you
not to succumb to the *******
of a doctors tool
but to relish in your old age
knowing that it is your reward
and only proof
that you lived long
and loved hard

i’m sorry that out of my brief moment of pleasure
my ****** brings you into a world filled with so much pain

how selfish of me

but to think that maybe
just maybe
you came into this world
knowing my good intentions
and maybe
the first breath i bring into this world
will be one deep filled with purity
candor
valor
& the deep raging for equality

and that maybe
just maybe
my ******
finally did something right
after all

we lay
pretending to be sleep
as darkness creeps
through the night
like your hand
across my thigh
as you pull me to you
covering me
like a cloud
over the face of the moon

your kiss
it penetrates me
shallow & deep
the way you do
while your breath
blows over me
like a soft wind
brewing before a storm
& i
underneath your weight
blow over
like a flower in the wind
taking in
all that you have to give

i want to
stand in the sun
with you

i want us to live
out of hotels
off room service
have your arms be
my private bungalow
where I never dream afraid
only leaving to
feel the grainy sand
beneath our wet feet
and entwined nakedness

i miss our crooked summer sleep
you know,
the one where our limbs
sinew
to the point that
no one knew
whose limbs were their own
the one where
you cupped my breast
all night &
pressed against my back
with your breath
warming my neck
and turning me on
at
the
same
time

i want to stand
in the sun with you
& leave everyone else
standing in the dark
stench of everyday
let them be buried
beneath the hustle
of daily life

come
follow me
to a hideaway
where wrapped in each others arms
we’re free from limitations

our own private place


don’t you get it?
you’re my
island escape.

i am trying

to explain

your kisses

to myself

but

your kisses

are like

tiny bits

of strawberry candy

to me

& even after the point

of finding out

how many licks it takes

I could still **** on them

all

day

long

wanting to know
if its for him
that i still feel
he throws out
a line or two
to see if i'll bite
as if i were a mackerel
& he a cape cod fisherman

sometimes
i am a small carp
on a fisherman's strong hook
stuck
& i'm reeled back in
effortlessly

other times
i'm a mako shark
i struggle
i pull
i run
almost dragging him
into the black water
to drown with me

but he fights
relentlessly
reeling harder & harder
eventually
wearing me down
pulling my feelings
with his poetic words
out from the
cold depth of which
they've been submerged

& yes love, i do
is all i can say
for
i am still
a fish
out of
water
left
breathless
by his mere
presence alone

i watch you in the livingroom

how beautiful your feet in boots
your thighs in those faded jeans
your biceps in that blue shirt
& as you reach and bend
i’m passion struck

if you knew
your body is a dinner bell
that invites me
to want to taste you
& your kiss
makes music play
deep in the bass
of my hips
would you
kiss me
till Calloway's band
brought the house down
dance with me
till i couldn't catch my breath
strum your fingers
on my strings
till my legs trembled
to open up
and let you in

would you come to me then?

i still love you
like an old love song
you never forget
the words to
even though
its been a lifetime
since you’ve heard it.

i still love you
like an old pair of shoes
you refuse to throw away
so you keep repairing them
because of how comfortable
they feel.

i still love you
like my childhood blanket
because in your arms
i've always felt safe & secure

i still love you
like a worn out lp
that you don't care
how many times it skips
cause
with you
my heart is always
stuck on repeat
&
always replaying
my favorite
part
which just happens to be
your name

Every Sunday
we watch football together
& while we yell at the plays
I wonder,
when are you gonna let me
gain some yardage on you?

Every Sunday
You yell,
That fool could have scored!
& while I look at you
I say to myself
Yes, you sure could have by now,
but like that quarterback
you move too slow
I wonder,
why are we still playing
on separate teams
when we like the same game?

You’re such a fool

If only you knew
how badly
I'd like to tackle you
& convert these last 2 points
by letting you hang
Between my goal posts
rush my endzone
and make the best
touchdown of your life

Tell me,
Can we huddle?
Can we discuss
this repetitive play
we keep pretending
we aren't playing?

Meet me at the
50 yard line
Of your bed

Let's scrimmage
man

53 cents
i found in a dusty corner
once
i found underneath a sock
a spider dead
smothered
i found on top a box
an old report card
hiding
i found next to a shoe
some old cracked photos
curling
i found behind the vent
a wooden toy
dry rotting
i found between dresses
this boogeyman
cowering
&
myself
concealed

I have ran
jumped
hurdled
over every obstacle
you have set before me
except
i love you

with those three words
I run
like a track star
because I am afraid
if you catch me
you will see
my weakness
of how I will struggle
to be set free
not from you
but from
how dependent
on your love
I have
become

some nights
i imagine
my hands are yours
cupping my *******
while i sleep
& sometimes
they slide
downwards
moving my thighs
& separating the space
between my reality
making it so hazy
that sometimes
i scream my own name
because now
i’m you

some nights
i imagine
my hands are yours
cupping my *******
while i sleep
& sometimes
they slide
downwards
moving into my thighs
separating the space
between of reality
& making it so good
that sometimes
i scream my own name
because supposedly
now
i am you

on every corner
there’s always a small part of you
i see
scattered
& i search to find
just a fraction of your smile
that familiar curve of brown
the soft spokeness of your voice
i want it
to resonate from
every person i hear

the longing to touch
the browness of your skin
ebbs at me

on every corner
theres a small part of you
that eludes me
it turns & escapes
like a fast wind
that cannot be grasped

& by the time i look again
everything about you
you took, it’s gone

yet i continue to search
trying to find
what i’d like to think
is some part of you
hiding in others
when in reality
i’m trying to find
what little of myself
you left behind

i can see the train
running on her tracks
from here
can you see it?

it’s saying
weave me, weave me, weave me, weave me.

on the street
where we live
the world that exists
beyond these 4 walls
doesn't dictate me
i am not
plastered
in a mold

my eyes
see beyond the line
of my neighbors back yard
my vision
is not fenced in
by the suburbia
that surrounds me
i can see
where we live now
is a place
where blood is shed
& flows
like armies of rivers
where rocks are shells
of mortar
hidden in the depths of sand
where
my ears hear
beyond my daughters laughter
the cries of a mother
left barren as the drought ridden land
as she stands
holding her last legacy
in her blood soaked hands.

who's to say what is
right?

i only know
the lack of your touch
is wrong
the absence of your lips
a sin
the space where
you used to lay
is now
hellishly
cold