I should be happy for today.
I mean its Christmas Eve.
But how can I be happy?
Its been a month today,
And its been the worst month of my life.
Not only that, but you'll be spending "the most wonderful time of the year" with him instead of me.
I'm dying inside, but nobody will ever know.
All they will ever see is the face I've painted on the outside of my shell.

I'm done.
I've messed enough up.
I just need to leave.
But before I go, I need you to know that I love you.
I love you with all of my heart.
And I tried.
It may not seem like it but I was trying so hard.
Just know that I'm always here if you need me.
And if I die an early death, rejoice. Don't be sad.

"Don't bottle up your emotions or one day you'll snap"
That's what I was told all my life.
I always told them I'd be fine.
It won't happen to me.
But I've finally hit my breaking point.
And now, every time I snap,
Its on the only person I love.
And with each snap, I drive her farther and farther away.

I'm sorry.
I say it so often that I think you stopped hearing it.
But that's all I can say.
I can't fix what I've done.
I've hurt you and I feel horrible for it.
All I can do is say sorry and ask for another chance to get it right.
But I know I will run out of chances soon.
I just hope I can get it right before then.

I'm sorry.
I truly love you and care.
When I snap on you, it hurts me more than it hurts you.
Please forgive me and give me another chance.

I try so hard, but you can't even see.
All you see is my mistakes.
I put myself through Hell to try to make things work,
But I stumble and fall with no one here to help me up.
I wish I could do better, because my best isn't good enough.


If only you knew what I've gone through.