You call her an angel…this girl I know so well.

She is no angel…she is more likely from hell.

She cries at night so no one knows…

She holds it all inside…only on her skin does it show.



You tell her you love her.

She doesn't understand…

She isn't this person…

She's really something bad.



She looks in the mirror…

She doesn't know who she sees…

This is no angel looking back at me.



I'm a *****, a ****…

I'm someone's little bit of fun.

I let it happen…

They don't ask that much.



I'm definitely no angel…

You are horribly confused.

I'm just another girl…

One that doesn't mind being used.



I can't stand this person…

I'm not the girl you say I am.

Wild and outrageous…

I'm completely out of hand.



I wish I was an angel.

I wish that I could see…

Something beautiful…worthwhile…

Something that I could never be.



I'm no angel…

I'm not innocent and sweet.

I'm just a girl…

I've lost myself completely.

How far can I run until I lose myself...
How far will you go to find me?

I'm standing on the edge of this darkness...
It's reaching, trying to consume me.

My eyes are glazed over...
Everyone is looking right past me.

The voices in my head...
They scream for me to jump.

I keep looking down...
The peace the darkness offers beckoning me.

And as I start to slip I hear you call my name.
You see me-trying to end my pain.

You grab my hand and pull me back...
Now I'm confused...I don't know where I'm at.

The peace I wanted...now out of reach...
The love I was starved for-being lavished on me.

And I know I don't deserve it...
You see I don't understand.

Though my heart is filled with love...
It is still the darkness that's pushing me over the edge.

And the voices still beckon...
The darkness still calls.

And another voice answers them...
It's mine-as I start to fall.

Forsaken and forlorn...
She was the one that was always scorned...

She was unwanted...
Unloved, and forgotten.

As she cried herself to sleep at night...
It was her own arms that comforted and held her tight.

Begging, pleading...she wanted so much...
Just to feel her mother's loving touch.

And still she waits...
Knowing she will never be held in a loving embrace.

But children can't be told such things...
And it hurts her deep inside just as it always has...

And she waits...
For some one to love her...and hold her tight...

And forever she'll be waiting...
Forever she'll cry.

You'll never know how your words hurt me.
You'll never see how I bleed.
You'll never see how much pain I hold so deep inside of me.
You'll never know the sorrow...
You'll never know the pain...
You'll never know the happiness was all just a facade.
You'll never see the side of me that cries at night.
The side of me that longs to be held close by your side.
You'll never know the child that saw so many things...
You'll never know the reason behind my wicked dreams.
You'll never understand me...
You will never see...
That because of what I've been through, because of what I've seen...
I refuse to hurt anyone...anyone but me.
I'll never tell you all these secrets I hold so dear...
You'll never know the pain you caused.
You'll never know the love and happiness you brought...
You'll never know the brokenness and how you tore my world apart.
You'll never know because I'll never let you see...
I'm sorry...You were right, I must have been living a dream.

I told myself I needed you...
I believed that it was true.
Now I know that all I need to do is get the Hell away from you.

You made me so happy...
You gave me so much love.
Now I know that what is best for me is to turn and run.

You told me that I was safe...
You promised that I wouldn't get hurt.
Now my heart lies shattered and bleeding in the dirt.

You told me all these things...
You said that happiness was real.
You never told me that the pain would overtake me...how giving up would feel.

I'm sorry that you don't believe me...
I'm sorry that you can't see.
I'm sorry that you'd choose to believe a stranger over me.

I'm sorry that you'll never know the truth...
I'm sorry that you'll never be...
Everything to me that you were...that I thought you would and could be.

That was my mistake...
Don't worry...
I'll never make it again...hearts once broken don't easily mend.

She closes her eyes and her mind drifts away…

Feeling ashamed and all alone.

She gazes into the darkness of her room.
With her head pounding and her wrists aching…

She slowly reaches for the phone.

But hears them whispering,

"Don't be a burden, let them sleep.  It's not their problem-the demons you keep."

She wants to cry but the tears are frozen inside.

So she sits and tries her hardest…

To make sense of the chaos buried deep within her mind.

But her eyes get heavy as the pencil slows…

Another feeling buried…another poem unwritten.

But maybe they will let her sleep…

Maybe the feelings will go away….

The morning will come and the dreams will be forgotten.

The night of torment and pain is over.

It might be hot in her long sleeves and jeans,

But the night came to an end when she finally gave in.

And tonight she will do it yet again.

I'm living to die...dying to live...
Bleeding to feel, something, anything...nothing still.
Won't someone help me...won't someone see...
Someone please stop this agony.

You don't understand this circle I live.
The crying, the dying...the bleeding...screaming.
To you it makes no sense...this suicidal rage...
To me it is my only defense against the wrongs...
The hurts, the pain...against you.
Against the hell you put me through.
You hurt me so bad...you made me feel so low.
I never thought you of all people would deal that kind of blow.
So harsh...
So mean...I still can't believe...
It isn't true-
It isn't real...
This isn't happening...
I don't want to feel.
Make it stop!
God please don't!
It's happening again...
I don't understand...
Don't take that away...
Not my heart...
I just found it again...
And you're tearing it apart...

You ask me why I bleed, why I scream...
I live to die...I die to live.
The blood must erase the pain...
The pain must flow from my veins...
I have to stop feeling...
I have to feel something...
It  makes no sense...
This senseless destruction...
It leaves only scars...
And a ****** trail of tears.
The trail a river...
It's gone on for years...
It once ran dry...
But it rages once again.
I must purge myself of this evil...
Of all of our sins.
I have to stop feeling...
Or the emotions will take me down...
And if they win...surely I will drown.
And no one will save me...
And I cannot swim...
I will die there...
Inside myself...deep within.

But I live to die...And I die to live...
And every day--I'm the sacrifice I give.
But don't worry...death won't win...