I miss you
in what feels like a more
mature, grown-up way
right now.
I no longer feel the
urge
to angrily message you
or call you and
cry.
I haven't checked on you
as much,
and I kissed another boy
without comparing him
to you.
I suppose this is what
falling out of love
feels like.

I'm not quite there,
though.
Because
there are still those nights
where I become a sad,
little girl again
wishing you were holding me
and whispering things
in my ear--
things that were
supposed to
be.

I didn't believe in
Heaven or Hell
until you

grasped my face
and kissed me,

then left me and
forgot me.

The trembling of my hands
And the stillness of yours
Always worried me.
I swear my heart cracked
Every time you said something
You weren't so sure of.
The crevices only grew larger
With every missed glance
And empty promise,
Losing myself along with them
piece by piece.
You started causing
Small earthquakes in my chest
Making me question
If I was strong enough 
For not only the both of us,
But for myself.
I got lost somewhere in between
Our midnight phone calls and
Shared cigarettes in the afternoons.
You made me forget I was
Building walls for protection,
Letting you subconsciously break them down
Without my knowing.
The endless storms in my head
And the disasters in my soul
Have become too much--
You brought the final quake
That broke my heart
When you spoke during what would have been
A perfect moment
And all I heard
Was carelessness. 
It's not that I wasn't expecting this,
I suppose I just irrationally delayed preparation
In hopes of your seismic words
Impossibly leaving a positive impact.