I "forgot" to eat (again).

IM SORRY THAT I THOUGHT FRIDAY NIGHT WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL
IM SORRY, ITS JUST THAT YOUR HOODIES FIT SO WELL IN THE SPRING
IM SORRY YOU DIDN'T SEE ME AS I SAW YOU
IM SORRY I CAN'T WORK UP THE NERVE TO TELL YOU TO HOLD MY HAND OR JUST LEAVE
IM SORRY I JUST WANTED YOU TO LOOK AT ME AND THINK THAT YOU FOUND SOMETHING MAGNIFICENT
IM SORRY I DONT COMPARE TO THE OTHERS
IM SORRY I THINK OF YOU EVERY TIME A RED CAR PASSES ME ON THE HIGHWAY
IM SORRY THAT YOU ARE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT STUPID SONG
IM SORRY I CANT SIT ON THAT COUCH WITHOUT FEELING EMPTY
IM SORRY YOU PROBABLY HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN REALIZE WHAT YOU DID
IM SORRY I GOT MY HOPES UP AFTER YOU TOLD ME NOT TO
IM SORRY, I GUESS BEING JUST FRIENDS WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH
IM SORRY FOR GETTING ATTACHED TOO LATE
IM SORRY FOR THINKING THAT WE WERE ANYTHING OTHER THAN NOTHING
I TRULY AM SORRY FOR BEING IN YOUR LIFE
and im sorry for letting you into mine.

My dad told me that "there are other fish in the sea"
My teacher said I could make up the test
My mom taught me how to separate colored clothes in the laundry
My big sister showed me how to tie my shoes
I taught myself how to fake a smile
I told myself not to take too many pills
I trained my body to stay positive, even on a "low" day
I forced myself to keep my cool even when it is on the edge
The things you need in life aren't given to you by your loved ones
you are the only one who can prepare you for what is to come

I need a cigarette
not because i smoke but because:
I want to inhale something other than your toxic words
I have to feel something between my lips other than the absence of you
I require a new stench than the one you left when you walked by
I desire a new byproduct other than loneliness
I need to have something that will **** me before you do

youre in my head:

i can't do anything without wondering if you would approve
i dont want to think about anything else but you

youre in my voice:

i have begun speaking like you
i seem to only talk about you

youre in my ears:

i can hear your voice when im alone
i listen to old conversations every time i can

youre in my lungs:

my breathing seems off when im around you
i double check every inhale, every exhale to make sure im alive

youre the pain i feel:

when im not with you
when i know i wont be with you
when everyone tells me i wont be with you

you make my head gyrate
you make my voice tremble
you make my eyes blurry
you make my ears deaf
you make my lungs stop


but i wont do anything to make it stop

maybe if I liked sports
maybe if I was bigger
maybe if I watched more football
maybe if I could talk cars
maybe if I played baseball
maybe if I worked out
maybe if I had a deeper voice
maybe if I ate more steak
maybe if I made fun of the disabled
maybe if I listened to rock music
maybe if I expressed interest in war
maybe if I disrespected women
maybe if I was more like you
maybe if I was less like me
maybe if I wasn't me at all
maybe then you would care about me
dad

6:30 AM: "I don't have time to eat breakfast," I tell my father.

8:15 AM: "I'm fine. I'm not hungry," I tell my sister.

10:00 AM: "I don't like to eat in front of a people," I tell my neighbor.

12:34 PM: "I have to see a teacher during lunch today," I tell my friends.

1:20 PM: "No thanks, I'm good. I'll eat later," I tell my teacher.

3:36 PM:"I ate something after school," I tell my mother.

6:45 PM: "I have too much homework; I'll eat later," I tell my family.

11:57 PM: "I will eat tomorrow," I tell myself.