My talents as a poet
As a master of my sanity
Have began to fade away
My freedom to write
Moving powerful emotional pieces
Has deteriorated before my eyes
I've calmed the monster
To ease my grandmothers fears
Of losing her only successful grandchild
I've silenced the voices
To ease my deceased great grandmothers worry
That I'll join her in the heavens of my fathers memories
I've noticed I'm now nothing
Just the average joe
Watching Netflix and eating popcorn
Listening to music dreaming of being something
I've noticed
You read my work
Watched me perform
Understood the hatred I feel
Felt the pain I've endured so long
Grasped the love I once expressed
Yet now you're only looking for those things again
Looking for the long poems I once enjoyed writing
The ones that erupted with passion
For all things I thought of
Five minute poems
One night stands with lines
****** paper with pen
As I forced it to swallow the inky ***
I've always wanted to write my last and final poem
To finally be free of my insanity
And embrace the story of peace and solitude
But in this world those are just mirages
Boiling from the hallucination of my desert mind
I've noticed
I truly am just Robert Guerrero
The guy who dreamed impossible dreams
Only because his talent dried up

I know this might hurt your feelings
I know I'm the only hope to save this family
My success is just the beginning
Yet I can't hold every responsibility
I have feelings too
None of which are good
I've contemplated suicide
I've even attempted
Yet here I am
Writing you again
This time publically
To hope that you can understand
I hate this life
I hate being me
I hate being the only one of four
To actually see the 12th grade
To actually have colleges chanting my name
Because they know I'll be in a dorm sooner or later
Grandma I wish you could see the man
All my darkest dreams and thoughts have made me
I'm partially human
Yet I still wake up every morning
Plaster on a smile
And say I love you
Even if it is in a text
You're all I have left in this god forsaken world
Well unless you want to include Natalie
I haven't talked to her in a while
But I hope she's doing well
Grandma when do I get to say I'm home
You were always the one to give me advice
Help me now
I'm lost and only going down
I want something poetry can give me
A sense of freedom
I know I'll be 18 in February
But I'll just want my youth back
I'll want the world I once knew back in my reach
I want the *** the drugs the alcohol
The constant screams I'd wake up to
Even if they were my own
I want all the faces of every girl I've been with
Screaming at me how much they hate me
I want their hands around my throat
In and out of reality
Grandma I hope you can understand I'm no longer
Just the successful one
I'm the one that wants what nobody understands
Because they all want to embrace my success
As if it were their own
                                       Sincerely,
                                           Your Grandson,
                                               Robert L. Guerrero