There I am in this white room
my hands over my ears
elbows straight out
my eyes are shut so tight it hurts
and I'm screaming at you,
spitting fire in between my teeth
a book whizzes past my head
I hear a chair collapse
it's you throwing things again
loosening your tie
cuffs unbuttoned
that one piece of hair in your eyes
All we ever do is fight anymore
yell at each other about stupid things
like why I didn't introduce myself properly
why you forgot to do the dishes
but those stupid things
start to grow into big things
like why it is you never call anymore
on that sin black telephone
why does it never ring!
Why I'm such a ***** about people coming over
how I can't understand how to let things go
all we do is fight
all through the night
until my hairs a mess and your skins hot
until the liquor wears off and our close-knit screaming
has turned into us sitting in separate rooms
boring holes in the walls and biting our nails
until the pain sets in
Neither one of us wants to make the first move
to reconcile, to give in
of course it's never you
it's always me
the one apologizing
it's always me
kissing your neck until you'll forgive
You'll say it's alright,
pat my hand
get dressed and leave again
while I jump in the shower
turn it as hot as it can go
as I watch the dirt slide off my skin
the slime from last night's meltdown
because I know it'll happen once more
I know I shouldn't be sorry
I know you don't really forgive
I'm so sick of being lonely
I'm so tired of being without
So I'll just stay in this white room
and scream until my lungs give out.

Excuses
That's all we ever were,
just a bunch of exceptions and alibis
I couldn't see it when we were together,
I was so blinded
thinking if I could just keep believing in you
then maybe those excuses
those reasons, those loses
would turn into truth
would turn into reality.
I was so blinded
my world was caving in
but I kept pushing it up,
because I thought that if I could just keep
believing in you
then maybe those times
I said
"Oh, but it's just him"
defending you,
then maybe you'd learn to love me
like I loved you.
Now looking back,
I realize that those patches
that were so blurry
so caught up in you
were only remembering the good parts
the solid moments
where you made me think we had this
we could have had this.
I realize that all we ever were
was excuses
reasons, loses
we were a distant boy with a broken soul
and a lost girl who kept using that as an defense
for why you couldn't love her.
We were just excuse after excuse
apology after apology
rain after rain
we were nothing
that I can see
I can now see
we never stood a chance
to have this.

What you didn't see in me,
is just a mirror of yourself
reflecting all that you gave up;
all that you gave up in me.
It wouldn't be wrong of you to say
it's too late,
because if our love was an hourglass
your half of time has ran out.
It would be better to forget it
I'm not about to ruin what I have,
It would be better to forget it
don't try coming back for me.
Even though I'll always love you
I'm going to walk away because
I deserve to.
I've spent all my time without you
trying to comprehend
what it is you didn't see in me,
but now I know
it wasn't me
it really was you
and what you didn't
what you couldn't see in yourself.
And I'm tired of trying to get you to believe
that you're brilliant and worth it,
I'm tired of trying to get you to believe
that my love is all you really need.
So it wasn't what you didn't see in me,
it wasn't me
it really was you
and even though I'll always love you
I'm going to walk away this time
despite your efforts of coming back,
because I deserve to
I deserve to.

We were in two separate rooms,
two separate beds,
two separate worlds
just begging
to be together,
but neither one of us wanted to take the chance
to be with one another
when we know
one of us would eventually get hurt
in the end.
And we're so tired of hurting each other.
So we just pretended,
we decided we'd dream up an instance
where our brilliance wasn't severed
with evaded truth that burned likes acid
sticking to our skin
We put together our separate's
and made one same
one identical dream
where we put the beer in the back
of your jeep, climbed into the front
with a duffel full of clothes and some water for the road,
along with a CD packed with the latest country.
When we reached the beach it was raining,
it was hot, humid, and beautiful.
The sun had already set, and no one was around
so we took of our shoes and danced in the sand
even though you didn't want to,
you did it for me.
I laughed because,
well it was funny
to have you hold me awkwardly
and move against the beat
of the song I was humming,
but it was fine
jut to have your arms around me.
We were soaked,
so we took off our shirts
and played tag your it
like we were a bunch of kids.
The rain never settled, and soon enough
I got cold
so you told me we could lay down the seats
wrap up in blankets
and go to sleep,
but of course we didn't.
We stayed up all night trying to get warm
talking about the stars and the little things
most people miss when they're just passing through.
I kissed you accidentally.
I'm sorry,
I just couldn't help myself
you looked so perfect in the moonlight.
You kissed me back,
like you weren't sorry
and we just couldn't help ourselves
from entangling together like two half molds
who just found each other.
The love we made was sweet and sticky,
kind of gentle yet kind of rough
like a honeysuckle leaking it's syrup
all over our pale-touched skin.
The love we made was warm and comfortable
kind of stupid yet kind of perfect
with the way we fit together.
We lost each other, in a sort of frenzy
then we had to be pulled back to reality
and reality is this
that I want to be together,
but you don't want to fit.

I have a secret,
but I'd like it to stay between the two of us,
I used to smoke
like twelve cigarettes at a time,
because I thought it would impress you.
I used to wear jean dresses with cut-oust in the hips,
knee high fishnet socks,
and wear my hair in one of those bandanas
with thick black eyeliner
because I thought it was your definition
of a rebel.
I used to scream really loudly,
and drink ***** out of shot glasses
with glitter at the bottom
listening to something toxic on the radio
telling  me to get high,
because I thought that's what you wanted.
I used to steal things from convenient stores
with a bunch of boys in thermal jackets,
things like bubblegum and alcohol
late at night,
because I thought it was cool.
I used to move from place to place,
the speed of a lonely heart dragging me,
after I just made love to some guy I met
who was dancing up on me in the mosh pit,
because I thought somehow it would get me to you.
I used to **** around like it wouldn't catch up to me,
I used to bury my skin in lies like it would change the truth
that this love is a drug
and I'm addicted to you

I like when the hero's you.
I like being saved,
but you're so far away
and, and suddenly your face
that I promised you I'd remember
is becoming a melody of ghosts
screaming to me that I ******* up,
that somewhere along the lines drawn
I lost you.
And it's so cold here,
miles from where you are,
my mind is so tired
I can't find you.
I know you're out there,
somewhere,
maybe in the middle of it all,
but I just can't reach you any longer.
I forgotten what it's like to have you here.
I know you told me to be strong,
but it's so hard
and, and I've grown so weary of pretending
that I'm strong enough to be the hero.
I like when the hero's you
when you're the one saving me.
So come home please,
come save me
You're just too far away.