He has broken written all over him
It twinkles in the soft sad glitter of his eyes
Like the most miserable stars at midnight
Its shown in the restless bags laying beneath them
Painted in black resembling the empty void in his mind
Its seen in the vigorous shaking of his hands
Ready to self destruct like an earthquake
Its written the subtle curve of his lips
Positioned in permanent discontent
Its felt in his cold harsh exterior
Rigid and unapproachable
Its portrayed in his  bitter treatment of this callous world
Its written in his hatred  
He has broken written all over him and the pen him is smeared in discontent
Its seen in his undeviated response to a world that has shattered him more than once
It is heard in the broken exterior of his voice
Stuttered in anxiety and hopelessness
It is seen in the raggedness of his clothes
Hanging off his helpless limbs
It shines in the grease of his long uncombed hair
He is unkempt but does not care
He cannot care
Each detail adding on to his broken image

A phone is sold for 600 dollars
That is a small price for instant gratification, constant distraction and a full time job scrolling through a black hole of unfulfilled emptiness
I tap through my apps
Wishing I could tap into your mind instead
Maybe your profile is the closest I will get to knowing you
You are easy to understand through a screen

I turn my phone off
I delete all my apps
I don't want to know you through a phone screen
I want to know you in real life
I don't want to tap twice on your pictures
I want to tap into your mind
Tell me how you really feel
Show me who you really are
Fill me with gratification, one that will last
Distract me with your intellectual thoughts
Let your words fly across the center console of your four door car
I don't want them swimming on my timeline
Let them echo through the reality of the world
Do not pull your phone out
I repeat don't pull it out
It is lifesucking

Show me who you really are
But To start off please lower the device
So I can atleast see your face

I regurgitate my thoughts  and
Immediately reprimand my mouth
For letting the word ***** escape
So badly wishing I could stuff it back in
The words flow out faster than I can stop them
My brain urges me to stop but the word ***** becomes autonomic it switches to autopilot
It self destructs me and continues to speak without my say
The words flow, thick in regret, recklessness and resent
My mind is a garbage site
One that wishes to be cleared
Call that the three r's

Uncontent is how I slept
Rolling in thoughts
Looking for a reason

Imperfections are easy to spot when they're all you see in the mirror
Each reflection is a glaring image of another thing I hate about myself
Projected in clear and honest detail
The reflection does not lie
It does not deceive
It seems to be the only thing that tells the truth

Can't you see what you've done to me
Can you hear it in my voice
Can u read it in the bags of my eyes
Can u feel it in my shaky breaths
In my jittery legs
In the stutter of my steps
Have you noticed the loss of my presence
The loss of my zeal
The absence of my glimmer
Have you noticed the lump in my throat
Do you see the knot in my stomach
Can you feel it in my bones
Have you noticed that theyve shattered--
Along with another *****
Does the world feel heavy to you?
My mind feels a little heavy
Have you seen how much my thoughts weigh?
Can u see it in my eyes
Can you hear my shouts for help
Do you see me drowning
Or am I too far under water
Do you know that you did this to me

Unrequited love

It's hard to balance a scale containing two opposite things right
But doesn't the old saying say opposites attract?
At least that what i try to convince myself
When my side of the scale teeters tremendously lower than yours

Everything fades away
There is an end to everything
There is an end to misery
There is an end to happiness
There is an end to pain
All you have to do is wait
The inevitable never disappoints

Some people stay up thinking about the treacheries of life
Their mind becomes a jumble of thoughts banging on their eyelids like the loudest of drums
Their over analyzation denies them any type of rest
They cannot fall asleep
This leads to insomnia, and sleeping pills come to the rescue
--Me I'm the opposite
I can't stay awake
Reality drags me to my bed,
Under the comfort of my sheets
I can dream whatever I PLEASE about this sick world
Trumps not actually president
The world is a platform for love
Hate is wiped clear of the planet  
Racists realize that color does NOT matter
Humans learn to love eachother with their minds clear of bias
I'm good at something??
The boy I like actually likes me back?!
When I'm in bed I don't want to wake up
It's so much easier living in my head
With colors that fly through my mind like a paintbrush
It's my own drug
Every dream I have is a book that I have published for me myself and I only
there's a little world in there far better than the one out here
I'll snooze my alarm for three hours
And imagine the world how I want it
With my eyes closed to view it in the highest of definitions

you remind me of shattered glass on the floor
a 1000 piece puzzle on the ground that has never been solved
You are so broken
almost impossible to fix
As you dig yourself into a deeper hole
You isolate yourself from everybody
Think they offer you no good
You keep on digging deeper
Falling deeper into this groove
I wish I was invited to you pity party but it seems to have reached maximum occupation with your drugs
You open another pill bottle
Watch as the tablets empty through the translucent plastic
You reach for the glass of water next to you
And accidently knock it off the bedside table
You watch it plummet to the ground
It shatters into pieces
The broken glass reminds me of you

Everyone deserves a second chance
Life offers us hands
it offers us crazy glue and tape
As hard as it may be
its not impossible to save you
its never actually too late

I dont know what to say
I dont know how to feel
I've felt so distraught lately like the world is not real
I've done so good lately but its back on my heels
The darkness the shadow trailing to steal
The gold medal, the trophy a race to my mind
First place to reach it in just a matter of time
Control over my thoughts, my feelings my finds
Clearing out any good memories or happiness of any kind

But it's time to yank it back, tie the race up
End with survival of the fittest and win the gold cup
To ensure my happiness and leave second for dust
I need to win this round i cannot give up
Ironic how the shadow cannot live without light
When that illumination is the only thing i am trying to ignite
A little bit of sunshine and a lotta bit of might
It's the last 400
Victory is in sight

I've been terrified of the crash before I've ever felt the high
When you say hello I immediately  find ten reasons to say goodbye
I give nothing a chance because im scared of attachment
You told me u loved me and i pulled off the bandage
I didnt want to i swear
but it was easier for me to make you leave
Industrial doors went up
but you stayed there till the evening
you banged on the doors and begged for me to open
but night fall came and i was still scared of being broken
you had no chance of getting in
i hoped you wouldnt stay
eventually you left
i watched from afar as you drifted away
the dis-attachment saved me my vulnerability
because you know what they say
they cant leave you-- if you push them away
....first right?

we're all born with a clean slate
but life makes its marks
the cleanest slates have not lived
and will eventually fade off
by the end of my life I want a slate filled to the brim
abstract in sharpie and written on a whim

I'm not gonna go insane
Although sometimes I can't promise that I won't
The clock on the living room wall has never  bothered me until I noticed the relentless noise it projects
The first tick u hear the harder it is not to anticipate the rest in high quality exasperation
It mocks ur mind and makes u cringe
The constant ticking is equivalent to an insanity filled syringe-
The worst poison of all
-But I'm not gonna go insane

Life's schedule works like clock work
Nothing ever changes
Each second follows just like the last
Each day fresh and crisp with unwavered blandness
And there is nothing I hate more than consisitency --
But don't worry I'm not gonna go insane

Each day is followed just like the last
With a strict schedule layed upon your desk on shown on your lap
Weather is predicted,so is this game
But really trust me Im not gonna go insane

Oh who am I kidding
I'm teetering towards crazy
The fixed ticking is too much
But I don't want to be a victim of familiarity

Promise me one thing
Before that ever happens
Make sure my life was lived unanticipated

Like a clock stutter
Or an unexpected storm
A broken pendulum

Id rather die young
Then sell my soul to a life full of deja vus

***** me with suspense
**** me with adventure
**** me with spontaneity
But for Gods sake don't **** me with repetition

My face lights up at the mere mention of your name
Pathetic
I run to my phone
hoping its your contact I'm greeted by on the screen
Pathetic
My teacher asks me why I'm not paying attention
Pathetic
I tell her I'm tired
Pathetic
but really
I'm can't stop thinking about you
Pathetic
I cant sleep
Pathetic
- wishing i was in your arms
Pathetic
You make me feel protected
Pathetic
Yet so vulnerable
Pathetic

We stay up talking about the world
Pathetic
You take me out to lunch-
-I cant stop smiling
Pathetic
I love your eyes
Pathetic
I love your smile
Pathetic
I love your unwavering sarcasm
Pathetic
I love that you always know whats going on in the news
not pathetic
I loved that I  could always count on you
-
...I hate that i believed that.

I saw you with her
Pathetic
Through the glass window of our favorite cafe
Pathetic
You took a toll on my mind
Pathetic
-And I let you
Pathetic

I cant sleep at night-
Wondering why I wasn't good enough
I turned off my phone-
To avoid the temptation of calling you
I skipped lunch-
Because I couldn't stomach the thought of you
You made me see the world differently-
But I hate this version without you


I hate your messy hair
Pathetic
I hate your quick wit
Pathetic
I hate the way you read your stupid books
And the way you listened to your stupid songs
I hate the way your mouth curled, and your eyes glimmered with passion when you talked about your stupid poems
-
-I hate that I'm lying
Pathetic
I hate that I miss those things


I hate that I cant help it
Pathetic
I hate that I can't help but think about you-
Pathetic
with her-
Pathetic
I cant help that it breaks me
The image of her in my seat of our cafe
The image of her in my seat of any  place
I hate that I cant help that shes better for you
I hate that you chose her
I hate that i 100% understand why, I mean who wouldn't
Lets face it
I hate that I just cant help but be anything other
   than, hm what's the word I'm looking for?
So fricking
pathetic.

Immune

My mind is trained to treat you as a toxin
The occasional thought of you is fought off with resilience
My emotions become resistant to your presence
I am anti you
anti feeling down
anti feeling as if I'm not good enough
like I'm not worth your time
like i have to compete for your attention
Anti your smile
Anti your lies
Anti your rejection
I have become immune to your words
Immune to your touch
Immune to your actions
I am no longer affected
By your sweet words or your bitter actions
My mind is protected from your attack
And ones further after you
You have been an inoculation
A vaccine
A chance to avoid vulnerability
I am no longer susceptible
I am officially immune