even that. the relationship between to two or more

becomes more difficult when one flies solo. depends

what that word means.



i felt a connection with someone next to me when they

laughed at the performance. we came separately. we

never spoke.



is that
symbiosis
ˌsɪmbɪˈəʊsɪs,ˌsɪmbʌɪˈəʊsɪs/.
the benefit?
sbm.

you gave  it me the synopsis, i read  in bed
the next evening. there was no breeeze to
lift my hair, no sounds to thrall the quiet.
smiled at the memory, the company of others.

i have googled the songs, listened, yet
these were not your voices,

golden, sweet as lions
that lay with lambs.

in the dark of the kitchen,
underground,
he asked. tilted head.

slowly i poured it into
his open  mouth.

sweet child.

string all up the lane.

whilst

out of the strong came sweetness.

sbm.

we wish      it would turn

about, with music playing.



a melamine plate

candy striped.



gas lighting, lanterns,

disinterested parties.



silent silver, from the

bric a brac stall.



look at them closely,

what a wonder!



sbm.

i know it is a story

a film yet



still

i am shocked

when people are killed in films

shot

suddenly



and deeply  shocked

when people are still killed in war



which is not a story

or  a

film

mine was a little dog.

jack russell.

minnie.

gone now a while…..

i miss her

eyes

the sound of her sleeping.

paws on slate floors.



sbm.

i have a vacuum

there is nothing there.

the broom is for

the garden

mainly

or elsewhere for smelling like coconut



sbm.

RE: . pdf .
sonja benskin mesher

06:07

Good Morning

I wake to find the internet is fixed,
so have read the document file.

as time is short, and the fact that
it all looks very well. I did like my odd spacing,
yet the dots are there.Let us go ahead and
both have a very nice day. I thank you

for all your work on this, and at
the weekend too.

i am very pleased, a little excited.

yes shall we refer to it as the journal.
sbm.

They said it was fixed yesterday.

It wasn’t.

Asked me to do checks.

I made excuses so an engineer is coming.

They say.

Yesterday I made pancakes.

gifs can be an issue

when i contentrate

on work.



memes are impossible

to pronounce.



denounce the pass it forward,

copy and paste. why write verse

when



you can talk to me.



sbm.

hear the trees come down,
see logs and timber.

hear about the taming,
hawfinches ringed.

caught in nets,
no stress intentended.

hear about the taming of all
things. pray it is not you.

stay with intention.

sbm.

a set routine, tasks most days.

bread and butter, move a mountain.

yet it can be done slowly, only
looking at that which is completed.

not remembering the punctuation,
or rhyme.

enjoy the air, watch the frog,
hop close by.

know that when all is done, you
may sleep well.

night paralysis

sbm.

it is a huge space,
few fellow travellers, all counted in.

nicely embellished, we commented on it
our necks bent. the armoire was locked
of course, as is the meaning of it all.

they were laying the place for tea, so no
bell rang, no one spoke of it that day.

a constant sound, was it his voice?

they will pray for him, all is in disorder.

except the tea tables.

sbm.

summer winds scattering,

soft tissue, forty pieces

torn with a ruler,   smudged and marked.



tearing the words, categorising,

knowing

it is all worth it in the end.



you would be surprised.

sbm.

yes music touches the keys
fingers pound and yes one pair
is red
the other neutral
for a more serious
look

mine are bifocal
and can distort gently
if i concentrate poorly
on the centre

i have had help a while
grateful at least that i can
see
unlike some of my family

i go annually to mid wales
to walk a while, boardwalk
across the bog preferably
alone

air above, below water and earth
words to come
sometimes gentle
sometimes not

sad today
it has been a long way
this way
am sad for others

we have doubts regarding decisions
then friends remind us

as to

the things that are precious, valuable

and are not the things that our present
culture dictates

there is an insidious voice wheedling
created by the current clime, media

&

all sorts

and not of liquorice

that will be nice and tasty
turning my teeth black &

a need to check in the mirror

do not eat so many now
on furlough and mainly buying

necessities

except the perfume candle, bath oil
and pecan

nuts

that people revere gold as you cannot
eat nor breath it

it will not keep you alive
though I know personally
it is useful in wound dressings

and also in teeth
though my fillings

are cheaper stuff

james

apologies for mentioning those
as I know yours are sensitive just
now and bothering you

i have no edges really
you see, mine is not a
real lawn as in the accepted
sense

I live in the country

you can pull them out one by one,

they will not grow again.



leaves a gap.



you can pull them out one by one

they will grow back and

fill the gap.



sbm.

tempo tempo,                 on & on,

repeating. like

jesu’s blood never failed me yet

or nyman, backwards.



tempo tempo all the time deleting

any form of rhyme, loose phrasing.



tempo, tempo, as if none of it matters,

which it doesn’t.



temp tempo, danzon no 2 arturo marquez.



gustav dudamel.




drive the car forward, move the mind inward.



hope it will not stop.



it will.



shoulders drop.



sbm.



#foundverse



danzón no. 2

maybe  eleven . she was not mad.



brother dead



mother failed



. no



question of normality.



they stated how it was

a fact



no one mentioned abuse

some questions are never asked





i cannot spell psychiatrist

it is a good tray, wood and silver

handles, holds the sugar bowl.


saying that it

is best that the flour bag be moved.

some mornings early groping, mistaken

for the bag next door. is not good in tea.


not that i take sugar, yet she does,

or sweeteners.


the space station flew over, as

did the geese, this morning.



monday.



sbm.

let not words defeat me

in the chaos of this place.

I like to speak of abstraction,

tidy places.



I like my washing blowing high,

fresh winds and freedom,

scented with robins eggs

and butter flight.



I lived in a flat once, balconied

and still have bad dreams.

©sbm

we sat together chatting in the garden

i had mended the parasol with string

she wondered why people could not all

live together

happily



around the world



i had no answer here



the sun was hot & i could feel my face

burning



i told her that my cat hissed at the wild things

even when they were submissive



ah she said

it is because they are on her territory



ah!



sbm.

a simple mistake, typing
e when it shouldn’t be so.
changed the word, the meaning,
the shape of the final text.

it was some time, way back, i met
the theatre, ardudwy. now it is
named harlech, while i start
my residency today.

provided with two cabinets.

sbm.

thankyou

today i prepare

to soujourn before

real winter comes

we ( he) only cut the back

yesterday and it looks good

bringing new plans, solid ideas

like responsible adults have

using language of the usuals

made in conversations and

the media

the front grass is timetabled

early november

meanwhile i research paving

and carpeting colours

indoors i hear podcasts

stuff i should know

owls and falling rain

which  did falleth

until the language changed

so now it falls

as do conkers

i wonder if i may mesg

you via phone; you see

i looked at the reviews

and the wifi is till dodgy

we shall see

go safely

i enjoyed your writing

with tea

thank you for asking and the answer

would be quicker if I had cut my nails

to bounce the keyboard here

 

funny you should ask as i was thinking

over this yesterday while walking

 

how

 

it felt unfair that after all those years

of housekeeping

keeping his house clean

tidy, fitting in with all his

timetables and breathing

 

not breathing

 

that

 

she had to  go to the home quietly

where she remained quietly

 

her daughter also went later

and remain quiet

 

i lived in a home in milton road

milton house, place of nighmare

for us kids

 

wettened beds

stinking laundry

 

deleted

 

so I stayed quiet

 

so thank you so much for asking

and being so thoughtful yet  I tell

 

you clearly

that I do not want a care situation ever

for all the good it will do, so i won’t stay

 

quiet now

forgive me

 

I hope your dad had green in his view

 

other colours too

arrives unexpected from darkness,       some winters’ mornings,

opening  the door to the sound of    one black bran  bird calling.



track four repeated.                                                                     that



comes on waking finding peace and comfort       bound in  clean

linen.



arises with perfume,            an                            uncertain memory.



it may be chemicals, peptides in the brain as  love,             what

ever the germ or warfare



I find no word to describe, no random feather nor             dust on

my plate.                                                                            pass a finger.



that feeling of trimmed nails upon the keys                       pounding

words and                                                                                    silences.



while music plays.                                                          that feeling. that.



syrup stings my tongue.





sbm.

you know that thing, that talking out loud,

when of course it is thinking.      you know

that. saying one thing, when meaning another.



you know that thing when all you are doing is

nothing

in particular, they say it is something.



you know that thing on breaking  rules,

when you broke mine.



that thing, when there is misunderstanding.

that being polite thing.



that thing.



sbm.

it was in the box as expected

bought at less than usual



you are in it

will be removed for those

with more



importance



angel

we are urged to change our lives
and maybe just maybe it is about
time
for we have had it easy a while

i am refering to myself only
for speaking broadly find
i may upset some

am late here after writing
a tome of explaination
apology for verse
not aimed at anyone
just a pattern of words
and sounds

my life is simplified
with the new living
suggestions

spoken for our health &
safety overall

people have come kind
& supportive all round
mainly

while few remain
in anger

i just feel



resigned to what
comes as i have before though

scared for my family & those
around me

i say this to you who
have been to war
who rides your bike
down dangerous hills

who cares for kittens

the apple tree was not felled
it fell



it was not her partner that

gathered the apples before

they rolled down into the

road





it was  a man from the next village

for to make cider



do not believe all that you think

it is a tiny place, look
in side and see.

go, position yourself
carefully.

dumb down, retreat,
diminish, resize
like me.

another place,
where words
affect us deeply.

voices will come
and go.      and

while the worlds spins,
this small world
remains intact.



sbm.

it may seem, my friend, that i pass
by some things, keep the time, precisely,
eat the same food , talk about politics
or god.

if there is one.

it may seem,my friend, that I move a
little differently
than others.

it does seem, my friend that the day
was so good, i am overwhelmed.

with everything.

i have an autumn dress. thank you.

each day , each day. a boy told me there is something different each day. i speak of the back lane, the memory, a ritual as paper and string, sounds like a simple thing. yet it has been different each day.

the bear raised his head & cavorted his red pyjamas

the news had come early



hey google woke him



it was then he knew he will be european a little longer



later he covered up with the blanket



she had said it will not be for long



#europemyhome

hello, why are you awake?



i am watching you



i am clearing this winter damage.



how nice, you will not be able to do that always.



no.



sbm.

so you are still in bed?



yes



are you not feeling any better?



no. it is like a bombshell, with

the bomb left in it. boom and my



little world i loved is shattered.



all my things are the same, yet

something shifted. i am bereft.



i cannot help, i am the same.



yes i know.



sbm.

is it today?



yes.



the letter?



yes, the article.



it will all be different?



yes,  it has been different quite a while……



will they send me back?



no you may stay here with me, safe.



sad together.



sbm.



(there is no picture today)

yes

i have it still

perfectly preserved

it is still. there is a bird at the window.
on making tea I saw one down at the *** of nuts. posing.
i am deleting capital letters

the amish man forgot then that the book was yours
not his to burn, with all the implications the burning
brings

the awful memories

i hear they turn their backs

i have had backs turn this way
as painful as any knife stab
and the pain continues
more than the physical

i have looked at your area; like the look of it
the idea of it
as in a novel for i will never experience it.

that is for you, yet i love the stories
you bring

i was thrown sideways completely here yesterday
when warrior spoke of a friend and said

‘if she is dead’

seems it was a typo. i do not know her story
i only know i miss her terribly and in that it has
changed things

today, moving forward, i hope to travel to bala
to work
to savour the journeys back and forth
the travellers, the conversations

to work well in my way
to enjoy this day

things are real good this end
i hope the same for you

6.28am
there is no wind
moving the trees
today

it is a clear word

as water pure and bouncing

off rocks

a bird

or

messing about

remembering #



days mud building dams

fighting the tide

pushing back years

running the path

fighting for freedom



then it comes

unexpected

like

the lark

bird



having written of the hour,

move on when all is lost.

the days remain

timeless.

today, we walk the woods,

back home.

i saw it sailing by

at the night watch

clouds arranged dramatic.

let it go,

oh let it go,

let it sail free



moon boat

darker here this morning
or am i awake earlier?
top of the trees are moving
while traffic drives distant

a few lorries pass by here

lately there has been a small
plane each afternoon we
run out to see

how long have you guys lived
on tug hill ?

i found a super bone when
i visited ironworks last month

just laying in the grass while
the swallows swooped low

i kept it in the kitchen to see
lately have moved it to the home
studio here

yes i make installations with
wild bits as you may know
rarely using glue or permanent
fixatives

i have used screws once and it was satisfactory
yesterday we made a working party & only just
met

we done good clearing two outbuildings
the skip was full and tidy while i found
treasures to bring home

i like the walk up over the hill
to hear the blood pounding
to know i am still alive

i liked the wood piles by the stile
there

i will send you a photograph

later i watched politics and
the man down the graveyard

i was tired then
saw a green light
felt dizzy and fell
to sleep

earlier i had read about
the four types of shame

Sonja
6.24 am
here
with weather like this

seems we have not been to all the mills,
never will. some are gone, yet we have seen them.

seen things that are never there. lost our way,
if there ever was one?

there is a book, we did not buy it, perhaps
a need to find out for ouselves.

it has become a metaphor, a place to be lost in.

he said they bolted the looms down, we disagree.

sbm.

is discussed at length,
the book is bound for

nightmares. it starts
early evening. retiring
to the upper rooms

the rags are torn ready
to close, to bind his
book in definitely.

it is an inheritance.

he talked about wills,
put his head under the cover,
slept.

sbm.

i work in bala

i work in dinas

work at home



yesterday



we delivered to betws

y coed



hotel was stuffy & too much meat

while the train was more like it



we find there are too many monkeys in betws

y coed

watching the boy
one handed,
sit by the fire.

not much,
not much is the matter.

the fire rankles,
spits and flares.

i only feel  heat
from ox blood stone.

only the boy sees the fire.

sbm.

i read Glyn Hughes, some times.





sometimes, i look at the photograph,

and wonder how it was that last year;

think of

how you wrote to me, sent

me your book

with a private inscription.



sbm.

(title inspired by a friend)

then we went to work by bus,
early, cold, usually,
sat on the back seat.made friends
over months.

one condemned girls
like me without knowing
my history. one was marked
with spots i did not see.

i only saw how kind he was to me.

sbm.

she rang me. did not leave a message.



later,

i dialled 1471 and rang her back, there

may be a charge for this.



i did not leave a message.



at 6pm she rang and left a message.



i was washing my feet. do you think



that there is a meaning to life?



sbm.

overcome by woollen mills,

things on a window       sill.

it may seem,my friend, that I move a
little differently                  than others.

it does seem, my friend that the day
was so good,       i am overwhelmed.

with everything.



he said he can uplift my carpet

whilst    sounding very biblical

it is quite practical.   the notice

indicated that I could        pray.



maybe not this day.



sbm.