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it is a habit, looking at old buildings.



carefully.



note the name.



nunnery. yet none.



inhabit here.     or

ever did.



they say it is related to the priory. a resting house

for those who travel.                                    we have



travelled far.



dunster.



sbm.
she gave up bread and chocolate, told us many times.

ate ryvita smuggled it in, softer by the third day. lent



me ideas for writing.

told me it was for forty days, i asked why. she said it

was for lent.



i wondered if it was to do with jesus in the wilderness?

she said she did not know.



she explained.



it is just for lent,



bread and chocolate.



i wondered silently  if he gave up chocolate too

in that wilderness.



during dinnner i pondered loaves and fishes, kept

my thoughts to myself.



the dessert was chocolate. i ate it all



sbm.
later the day dusks, air cools,

down the back track to the lane.


there is fire in the sky,

why don’t the trees burn?


one cloud hovers, red,

one cloud .

this is a later walk,

early mornings

spent writing.


see the birds roost,

hear the last call,

black bird

this is dusk.

sbm.
i am hiding

i am later

planned in advance

yet come with guilt my

justification is that the

work has been lengthy

the learning

with no real end result

sometimes a dust up

clears the decks and

all settles back nicely

with a new bravado

new understandings come

and once again once again

we learn

i find it quite hard

to unlearn

yet we must we must

for some lessons were not true

our mothers maybe were wrong

or misguided

they were a different tribe

you say nice things

i will **** the juice from those phrases

to keep some confidence

she said to identify the things

you dislike

of yourself

one to hundred? i replied

i like that you said

scattering the ashes

claiming our place

is it a big hotel, posh?

i will make a clean bed next

and think of you down in

the laundry room

taken a new meaning here

the metaphor.

8.30

gwil already

gone on his

motorbike

i heard him
dense night ;  memorial

green underhedge ; ****



frost ; rhythms of black

birds ; black

jack ; flap

jack



stream of conciousness

there  is no rhyme

these recollections ; another time



eighteen hundred



eighteen hundred



too many dead
you know that junction known as the nasty bend?

driving home from yours before maentwrog



road mirror provided yet i cannot believe what

i see



turning head quickly and back again to

check the road both ways



staccato

tango move



check again



my head falls off

one day at the nasty bend



it is ingrained not to believe  mirror images
it turned up,   crowned a peasant

doll.



the ring.



imagination

set him free.



it is a safer place to be.



less words

are better.



the ring.



sbm.
we noticed it that day and found it omninous.

february 2019

the sea is quiet as we have never seen it

sun as hot as it gets

like summer



they gloried in it

the bathers

the media



we watched



while the ice melted.
‘though i do not think there is one’ says the bear. the bear is taking up a lot of room today.



‘tell me about the earth please?’

look it has layers, bone and blood, yet there are seeds for growth. some fear endearment,

while others do not.



‘why the blood’

old wounds, yet there is more in some places. i have seen the hill of the dying,

it is over the mountain.



‘how sad, may i go see, please?‘



yes bear, now shall we talk of puffy clouds and small faces?



sbm.
have never played that game
nor knew what is was until just

now

she tells me all things except
when she does not understand
or mishears me

randomly
she states that she cannot connect
and I have no sympathy as maybe

five moments later she can easily

we have chatted how we seem to
spend so much time fixing and
fiddling in these curious times

with no one able to visit us much
to help

feels good to be vaguely independent

and

she helps when she is connected

and I do believe she has no gender
really

yesterday it was apple that locked me

out so I went to the garden with the
stick to bash down some damsons

oh boy

they were sour

lovely

some sticks come special here

for the fruit, the garden fire and low
hanging branches

props for the washing line
homes for the hedgehogs

and insects

you know well by now how
much I love twigs
the edge of reason, in the edge of sleep. almost amnesia.

lay gentle, slow remembrance of reality,

low noises from the window,

slowly starting hum

of traffic.

the air moves

on my face.
much wenlock, on the the edge. fall over.



do not

undertake while the vehicle        reverses.



careful what you dream on a cusp of night. know that all stars are not the same.



seen  through the net nightly.



curtains are unecessary,        there is no one left to see.



anything can happen,          depends on the mood. repeat.



may go back.                                                                     for no reason

or to count the flowers, list the names, then tidy into alpha, omega

betical

file under f.







sbm.
it has been a long time coming, it lasted many years,

now is gone.



all of it, all the straight ideals and weathered work.



who will come laughing?



who else loves rusted nails

reddened eyes?
he asked if i like it, i said yes, you see,

i like scissors.



been waiting an hour or so,

for words to come, although

deemed prolific, i do get stuck

some mornings.



so at just past seven

thirty, i have made the beds tidy,

washed the dishes.

bathed, dressed and perfumed,

the cheap one, everyday,

still had no words

inclined.



yes, i do like edward scissor hands,

and i do so like scissors.



my mother had one pair

that I remember, made special

with words, and to be careful

it is the only pair.



damaged later cutting  a live

electric wire, she survived.



the budgie suffered.



sbm.
the radio played, day eight.

land of hope and glory,

we spluttered on our tea.



later while cleaning teeth,

played for those in peril

on the sea.



day eight.



sbm.
glad to hear the snow is melting there
and that you are getting out and about

all our resaurants and pubs have closed
and no more swimming for the family
a while
despite the chlorine

he will swim the rivers and the sea
he is bolder than me
it is colder for me

we moved forward yesterday
with a few steps backwards

things broke, things were mended
cleaned and tidied

we talked over the fence, the first
in reality this week

they looked older, both had sticks
and offered supplies if necessary

two dogs
grey whippet twelve years old
and a black mixed scruffy

i watched them walk on and went
back into the studio quietly
sat a while

the others went out in their cars
and i hope they had good reason

surprised at the number of days achieved
hope you will manage ok with things and stuff
i went to the new dentist on friday and advised him i am scared of dentists, and he advised me that he was scared of patients.



i like him.
dead head the roses,
suffocate in silk. stifle
their feelings.

dead head the roses,

suffocate in silk, stifle

their feelings.

bundle them blind with
bloodied rags, boiled

clean.

bind them twice. the smell
is decay.

Magritte.

sbm.
electric beings come clear

covered with hair spray



the process
could count the hour,

would stay safe.



yet the feeling overcame

on passing  blind sheds,

beautiful fields.





filled with buttercups.



hide your eyes here, hide your eyes

when leaving.



suddenly i may greet you,

that feeling.



sbm.
Along the meandering line they lay,

fallen the fallen.

No one uses the word ; forbidden (verboten) to forbid

or forget that they were killed.



Does your family talk of it?  Incredible secrets. ****



or be killed.
an empty shell, i carried it carefully.



the bird had flown,

and while some are sad,

it is a new life and

we must move on.



carefully.



sbm.
maybe it is an advertising piece

i found it in the charity shop

your word is thrift

I do not go shopping now

i make things or order and

receive by post

i really like the colanders best and have quite a few now

some for use and some for decoration hanging from
the beams

i still have my mother’s
silver worn
and use it regularly rather
than the others

there is danger back at work so my friend
will stay home, not return to her job at
the charity store

all crowded and with all that fiddling
with other folk’s stuff

this new keyboard plays lovely yet the
comma and the stop look the same
from this distance with that eye needing
attention

while all is delayed

i watched the documentary

novel corona virus
are you sleeping
cariad bach

while i watch the buryng,
the pain,
the madness,
the snowdrops.

are you sleeping,
while they hold her up.

cariad bach.
taste best to those who like them.

slightly ****, we ****, throw the stones
to the wild.

maybe they will grow.

the door bell rang, you came with
your sweet heart, when i was closed.

you drank the tea i made you, ate
my chocolate biscuits.

i hardly recognised you without your hat.

an odd affair. ate more plums, went to bed.

the words, no need to visit,
fell on deaf ears.

sbm.
tides are higher now,

flooding the paths.


he walked the mud,

bringing the footsteps back to us.


we mop the floors, when the rain stops.


if you leave the boots to dry,

the earth will knock off, neatly.


there was a partial eclipse, the tides are high.

he was a gardener.

sbm.

he was a gardener. sbm.
i have escaped
your pleasant grasp
or does my head
magnify the situation?.

sherlock holmes.

will dr. watson prescribe
me.             sense.

then multiply ideas
like flies in abundance.

sbm.
i have pondered, then discussed

with a professional

how we will be let out

eventually



will it be by age

or alphabetical order?



best not be by height

for i will be the last

if it goes from big

to small



he says that those who disobeyed

got out & got it, will be first

with

immunity

with two ems



plus a cerificate to prove it

while those that obey and

did not get it

get

longer indoors



i understand from the news

that it is still being discussed



corona
shall we go there again?

watch the trees change

write without punctuation?



only question

marks



september is a softer month



energy in those trees spread out as cotton threads

knotted

&

i will not mention the word



sbm.
and cross one side to another,
harbour to the beach.

no city here, this is
the country.

sea  tide
pools up by the bridge..

mawddach.

sbm.
and good manners.



no need to rush.



make your decision,

then perhaps,

politely let

civilians run away.



wait a little longer than one hour.



the lack of time creates disrespect, debate.



what happened to kindness, good behaviour?



sbm.
i have cleaned the corner where you sat,

changed the cotton mats, removed some labels.

1.

.first memorial.



it is a ritual each year. yet i have mislaid  the black



beetle

with all the dusting.

2.

.second memorial..



it was some time ago we lost.



the sexton.



orange and black.



sbm.
foot pads the landing.
cat rubs,
the dog is tired.

dog tired.
yes, you can get used to it.

even that. it is a frame of mind.

it is not a problem, if you think that.

we heard the looms working at the top,
so ran the stairs to watch. they are loud.

the finer cloth is sent to scotland to wash,
it smooths the fabric, tightens the weave,
makes the pattern stronger.

think what you like, the mills continue.

sbm.
some folk have tinnitus

while others have

earthquakes
everest

intense



yes                           we are nearly there

brackets                  the top



the sky is thin                                       yes



we have noted all that there is           all

we have achieved each day



yes                                     a few more steps

to higher ground



will there be remains & litter up there too?



yes i expect so



brackets                                                 everest
did you dream of evil last night, for evil it was.



pocked, bleeding and dead.           back broken.



this morning the garden is damp, a mole  died

peaceably.



plans for a new path are growing, yet there was

evil.



again.



last night.



sbm.
afternoon tea at 4pm posh

first prize.    three x five



all persons: third person

1.

the restaurant

three minus five or six



2. the tea

three minus five or six



waiter

3. describing the folk next to me

4. too many expectations, the room offering anxieties

5. food came



6. how high can this be, a ceiling at ten feet four



#speechless
i do not buy the paper, often read them in
supermarkets, waiting. friends offer, knowing

i have the fire.they have extra uses, for the house,
and garden.

Brenda Keough Evans gave me these gifts.

she is my friend.

i read the news online, not that there is total
truth in some of it ‪#‎biased‬

sbm.
when the air is clean, where the glass is dry.



look back , is every star venus?                   so.



bright. drops     shine .                          notes on

honey.                 a dead bee in the back  room.



i have not removed it . yet i have a paper moth

ready as a gift.



30p it was, made with cotton buds, the world

museum, liverpool.



sbm.
so bear says,

why aren’t i in the film,

i am your friend.



ah yes i says,

yet no one will

believe that.



sbm.
an island

a place of ones’ own

where alone

is a choice

silence invades reality

it takes some practice

[ 3/5/3/3/7/5 ]
[  ..3/5/3/3/7/5..  ]



a wonder

you are not worried

sitting there

quite nicely

watching politics again

you are not shaking





you were last

week. i wonder at

your welfare.

have left you

in  your bed quietly today



i will go to work







i worry

on your state of mind.



with all that

is going on

and your constant interest.



do not watch the film

threads 1984







all alone

penetrate the scene

with strength &

single  mind



face north and be strong young man

never mind the news



[  ..3/5/3/3/7/5..  ]
feel you are failure, look

at what you have done.

look to the seeds, the growth,

read desiderata and know

we are all mostly much

the same.

sbm.
the days of heaven gold

are coming to its end.

are we the children

of the fall, those of us

who dance in the leaves,

who fail in the cold or the

brashness of summer









read about the courage of others,

about the closing of doors,

against the rain and the wind

blowing.

read about the loss of brothers,

about the moving of house

escaping pain,and remember

these golden days of autumn.

going







read about the perfection

that never is, the quality that fades

in time, with crosses,

people’s minds.

read about the rain in the cwm,

that blinds and blinds,

and loses paths and footings





**





read about the days

in the old house

the days that are, and were,

and may come with dreams,

and fortitude.

read about it all, and i ask, why do you read here? here?

sbm.
the days of heaven gold

are coming to its end.

are we the children

of the fall, those of us

who dance in the leaves,

who fail in the cold or the

brashness of summer


read about the courage of others,

about the closing of doors,

against the rain and the wind

blowing.

read about the loss of brothers,

about the moving of house

escaping pain,and remember

these golden days of autumn.

going

read about the perfection

that never is, the quality that fades

in time, with crosses,

people’s minds.

read about the rain in the cwm,

that blinds and blinds,

and loses paths and footings

**
read about the days

in the old house

the days that are, and were,

and may come with dreams,

and fortitude.

read about it all, and i ask,
why do you read here?
here?

sbm
the days of heaven gold

are coming to its end.

are we the children

of the fall, those of us

who dance in the leaves,

who fail in the cold or the

brashness of summer



read about the courage of others,

about the closing of doors,

against the rain and the wind

blowing.

read about the loss of brothers,

about the moving of house

escaping pain,and remember

these golden days of autumn.

going



read about the perfection

that never is, the quality that fades

in time, with crosses,

people’s minds.

read about the rain in the cwm,

that blinds and blinds,

and loses paths and footings

**

read about the days

in the old house

the days that are, and were,

and may come with dreams,

and fortitude.

read about it all, and i ask,

why do you read

here?
then i noted the full moon
while now it is clear

i ate all my vegetables
enjoying the potato roast

there were no favourable options
so i said i was not keen on beef
they suggested other meats

i ate all the sprouts instead

on arriving home
i find the fuel is delivered
the  bagged logs all neatly

piled
in the wrong place

i shall move them this morning
suitably attired though not in
a suit of course
with a huge grin
i love fuel days

the anxiety failed later in the day
a more comfortable place as i
watched other peoples ways and
opinions

we saw the lights in llandudno
there are no rules, no meaning. we live, we see.

we see the sea
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