nearly every year

on this type of day when

vapours, mists hang in the valley it

enters the mind , a cellular

memory,  annual anniversary

born ages back

enduring.

recurring each time without apology

there is agreement here
on the placing of words
where they fall

i too worry over spelling which came
contagious this week

it rains and the christmas lights
were turned on in leeds the radio
says

one place i have not visited

it rains here and i am all a fiddle with
new devices
that set my brain in motion

to think of logic
when it feels like nothing
is at all
logical

when inclusion
excludes

when you sit here
when you may as well sit there

yet i make no fuss
remain the quiet one

not many flowers here now
yet i stood transfixed under the oak
as the leaves dropped down

my personal *******

noticed the apples are gone
all of them from the smaller
tree
i ate them
pippins

there is a severe rain warning
while the gardener is sheduled

what to do?

yes music touches the keys
fingers pound and yes one pair
is red
the other neutral
for a more serious
look

mine are bifocal
and can distort gently
if i concentrate poorly
on the centre

i have had help a while
grateful at least that i can
see
unlike some of my family

i go annually to mid wales
to walk a while, boardwalk
across the bog preferably
alone

air above, below water and earth
words to come
sometimes gentle
sometimes not

sad today
it has been a long way
this way
am sad for others

we saved our money and earned  a bit

with paper recycling carted down the yard



same cart we took the guy down the road



penny for the guy mister sir?



to buy our fireworks



a penny squib cost you know

and

jumping jacks got banned



rockets in bottles, dead ends collected after

sparklers at arms length

light the blue touch paper and retire

back

the word of the time



nail the catherine wheel and hope for the best



such grim anniversaries



sparklers remain for cakes at birthdays

though

celebrations are limited now by health

and safety rules

and group bookings require firemen



thinking

back

remembering

my brother’s panic racing up the flaming fire

to rescue his lumberjack hat



he survived

my heart is in my chest

a particular siding





i feel it sometimes

when i am walking hard or eating chilli

so i avoid that last thing



mostly



pink i expect with tubes

mostly like in the pig’s hearts

mum used to buy from the butchers

for dinner



now i am vegetarian



i think that if i have a soul

it may be behind the heart

hiding

and maybe that is where my work

comes from



it seems odd that at times of rest and when all is quiet around

that i cannot hear it

nor the other workings

like lungs and veins and stomach



oh!



except the latter rumbles

quite a business keeping warm, making friends
missing them when they move on whichever
way

the coffee affair with pods and seasons is recordable
into a small book, a journal of morning feelings while
i use a spoon for instant gratification . the modern
is much improved on the old ways

my gran used camp coffee (with no inuendo those
days) syrup in a bottle and tasted alright in warm milk

though i never liked milk solo and felt it a punishment

i deserved that
she said so
she said so many things that i believed because
why not
it may have been true

for some reason i remember lampeter and the feeling
of well being

my new glasses are red and the keyboard is clearer
and slightly domed

as is the tregaron bog you know.

we have kiln dried birch logs
and coal type nugget things

morning sticks, while some say kindling

newspaper and bought firelighters
that smell

in boxes

i use two now, my mother only would
use one

she was thrifty with the need to be

storage heaters too. we are all electric
there is no piped gas in the village

there are electric blankets alongside
those others for warmth

so we tuck inside and face the fire
we shall have warmth this winter



we buy supplies as required
not sure how long it will all
last….

i like to hear throat singing
& spent a while with you tube
instruction

and had a go
by the window

no one heard me so is it true?

i always park the same at work
by the old pickup left for security
needing an mot

by the organised piles of things
i envy

while the pheasants strut about
not bothered about building salvage

we had a walk yesterday
down by the estuary
after the downpour
&
before the downpour

the woods were like an
other world
with songs of light and water pearls

with memories of riding out
a hundred years ago or more
when we were younger
and vaguely beautiful

she said all things thicken with time

quiet day yesterday
there was a mistake so we did not go
out for the day as planned

nice day at home so all
is clean and tidy; the green

gloves found and put with others
ready

i bought them expensive in gretna

we seem to focus on that which we deem
dearer
a luxury to buy

maybe i think i do not deserve
an overlap from former days

i hope you are enjoying your coffee
pods

the word here is coffi
it comes natural now

we find it when the rain stops,

light comes through.                       yesterday morning

looked nice.



find it in the leaves scattered in piles waiting for the wind

to scatter



hope in the plane flying over

run out to see



i found hope in the mountains here

a home, a refuge plain



and simple things, the ordinary

become as sacred in our life

and brings a sort of hope



we can hold onto

cherish inside of us



without

there may be

nothing……..



small birds sing

marmalade is good and tangy
tingles the tongue buds

i find the peanut stuff may not
be to my liking

i cannot even taste it maybe
it is a childhood thing
a memory

it has rained here and
that partcilar tree i see
from the window still
has green leaves
unlike the others

looks deco

since i started the last
sentence light changed
the whole cameo before
me

before me hangs the day
beautiful in the now absence
of any timetable

our trip out cancelled
due to weather and other
sociabilities

i did not worry about the cloth
until the texture changed with
a years washing when came the
bobbles

so i desire egyptian cotton
smooth against the skin

expensive at my expense

things come together with time and patience i find
then
sometimes they do not
and what then?

yes curses at what is and at what came before

a true sailor will **** lemons with grit
and a parrot upon the shoulder

i used to say soldjer and cannot spell it
properly

that has become a word here now for use
in the present time
with all the wars and conflicts

folks die

i should say killed

i imagine you a pirate, with stripey trousers
and a large black patch

on imagining things
sometimes scare myself silly

so the day begins here again and i find i
prefer cotton pillowcases so will discard
those others

they will make laundry bags for travelling

a good idea

here we like the ordinary

travelling to such places
yesterday
though

bala became extraordinary
the trees come gold
dark birds flocking

down the centre of town
an avenue in fall

and the day came divine

so much changed since the
birth day

so much improved yet
the past remembered
the now appreciated

even with the current
issues

really
it must be the time of year
this restlessness and reflection

mirroring
here and there

here we have changed our seating
to face the fire and candle, the house

cat joins us
except there is only me
when i say we it is a habit
gone on long

and

we don’t mind

it is comfortable here

a tragic happening when

history and the day collide

each taking care of their own

as we should

darker hours are comfy now

still

the mind wanders

the third tree in the lane is bare

now

leaves scattered

while at the gate the pheasants

flew up whirring

i stood steady in wonder

watched the dark bleed

across the sky

watch birds scatter from the yew

note the fallen fruits

chilly yet i found

three logs warm the room

nicely

and lasts long enough

i hope your sister is well

refer to wiki, copy, paste and arrange, so the pattern becomes a shape

words change, become rearranged



contains a root and a suffix. that suffix has undergone numerous changes, for people try to identify it with some word that could make sense to them. what remains unclear is not this process but the semantic leap.

we are missing the moment at which the threshing floor, however primitive,

began to denote the entrance to the room.

or the beginning of another world, another

phase in life

while

board marks the holding place

stopping the grain spilling outside



floors came slightly sloped to stop

the water piling, to keep the seed

dry



for seed it is and healthy

unless dampened



note the firstborn here

who tasted before

and died



so we move forward

colder now the door is closed

a while



he said he was amused, and she

explained that he probably meant

bemused



to remember this so not to offend



words change; meanings lost until

we look again



research.



the doorway

it is colder here and the news comes even colder
listened and changed to the music channel

seems it was some years ago i saw the glass opera live

memories reminded via my internet web, unnecessary

as curled round the past coils back into mind until tea
prompts the fingers into drawing it out
on screen

it is settled here now into the patterns and lines
i drew some time back and am now filling in the
background

it makes a muddled picture

some say i have not found my voice yet
as things keep changing
as the colours move

as the seasons roll round

yet

my work on the decline and fall
was chosen
this week



vertigo

sorry to hear your news
so it goes

travelling the land
walking the roads
helps pattern settle
into shape

words come and days are calmer
tarmac spattered with orange
gold leaves the branches

fall lightly until the frost

then a sudden drop

your friend is missing
we survive another day

we have put our clocks
back where they were

no one seems to know
the truth of it no more

we all see differing things
i learned yet again yesterday

to decline

to say no, or even to fail softly with a sloping line

with b lead pencil

tapering off into dots repeated



the fall is abrupt and possibly dramatic

related to weight & gravity



like a





thick black ink line ruled sharply down

ending with an abrupt grand splatter



unless we are talking of autumn the gold

time which comes gentler with occasional winds

and related sweeping



autumn comes softly so

we fall

there is a hole in the ground

it was not there yesterday



there is a tear  in my vest

which is  really new too



one day the phone works and

the next day it doesn’t



all things gets broke

don’t work



you can mend them now

not buy new



remember how he mended your mother’s plate

for the memory,      souvenirs can come cheap

the glue showed brown on drying            now

it becomes habit, a signature dish



it was suggested i have a little shop

to sell the twigs and badly mended

things



seriously why not

these also have a value



then the car worked yesterday

now it does not



it is a hole unlike any other

it appeared overnight and while i am small

i can  try,  take my time to  fill it up again



with earth and other things

my heart is quiet

i do not feel it beating yet

the rhythm is there

my heart is silent

while all comes well around

yet roused it will sound

louder

come the other days

come the sadder ways

heart is there just there, look

&

i think my soul is thereabouts

where the feelings come and pain

or gain

quietness

again

they say it is the brain that does the thinking

yet

we may also listen to our heart

carefully

falling

later i am today

the darkened room

resonates still with

all the goings of the night

things come backwords

and

while i felt all was well

perhaps it was not

news startles

we shared it at the meeting

i find i am a small part of

the worrying

yet what can we do?

some were busy, then

they were stopped so

i may not see them

drew the curtians early last eve

while waiting and through the *****

left saw one golden tree

autumn cameo

each little thing

while some things break

your lovely reply
good that you broke the dread
or solitude could have placed
her
sadly

good that you have company
make company in linen piles

sheets

laundry full with
no respite
yet

though promised faithfully
by others, those that wish
you to work, to keep working
for them

enjoy your three days
i hope that off you go
bike riding

i am comfortable back home
interesting times

with a note that i shall
be unavailable a while
exploring
seeing
extinction rebellion
despite all claims
and opinions

i saw joker
i found the threads

it is still dark

over the way we find

crab apples ready

to gather for jellies

or other niceties

because

eating plain food without

relish is *******

the phone rings

an empty room, back room



quarry tiled

dust settles on



stained

bakelite , cream, twisted wire



bell sound

bell sound



wind blows around the houses

leaves fly ; a mass extinction



red tiles, bell sound

dust settles

dust motes



phone rings ; bell sound



no one answers

no one is left



who rang?

numbers mix with words

i am returned

it was a pause in proceedings

a breath for continuation into

the season

a sociable hiding

it rained a lot &

i found friends

walking

look out for cors caron

to walk on water, wood

the space between where

words will seep out

walk alone

look out for florida abbey

the woods beyond

the man who talks of moss

touches it gently

i explained about the twigs

a metaphor for kindness, care

remembrance not to overlook

the small things. to treasure

the differences in folk. to treasure

familiarity in that  which surrounds us

James. you already know this

perhaps it is i who needed

reminding

how are the cats

mine are good

and so is betty

who stayed

the film with more than four qualities

more than four colours spent



red stained the face

he crammed in the fridge

freezing anguish



cold incidents leading

from black into blue

leaking, bleeding

hot tears



he danced beautiful

a tepid loop of indigo suiting



dripping , loosening

green gel of madness, sadness



joker

she said dead ends



i thought of split ends

i got with long hair



should be cut they said

some one like that



now it is cut regular, more short

like a boy. she would have liked

that



though i admire those with long and  stylish

yet i can’t be bothered no more, am honest

about my feelings



but



she said dead ends so i muse on cul de sacs

you know those with bungalows and trees about

i remember from the fifties

and people like that

those that had cars, dogs and telephones

while we did not



i guess the cul de sacs still abound

around



i would not discover

with them

being a dead end



which should be avoided

going nowhere

yet have been down quite a few on this life journey

to the

bottom of the bag

and risen out

again



a bit like that

thankyou

today i prepare

to soujourn before

real winter comes

we ( he) only cut the back

yesterday and it looks good

bringing new plans, solid ideas

like responsible adults have

using language of the usuals

made in conversations and

the media

the front grass is timetabled

early november

meanwhile i research paving

and carpeting colours

indoors i hear podcasts

stuff i should know

owls and falling rain

which  did falleth

until the language changed

so now it falls

as do conkers

i wonder if i may mesg

you via phone; you see

i looked at the reviews

and the wifi is till dodgy

we shall see

go safely

i enjoyed your writing

with tea

sounds settle

our trip went very well
in the greater manchester
area
with thoughts of another
place
i mentioned you and she
said why do you say with
my girl

and we discussed why certain words
come out unusually
yes she is my daughter

more like each other than we dare
both hard ******* in this
world of things

68 is not so far in this world

we all have numbers

to think also back then
they built stuff that took
a life time and many
of their lives through
belief

powerhouses never cease

today the gardener comes
so my grass will have the final cut

hopefully i will have some signal

it is a quiet village
a place to hide

initially it was said

that secondly should be

second and initially

should be first



i was confused that

nobody said third

and comforted

by the sound of fourth

memory of moth



there are six of us today and first i read first

and later

went fifth



later will be visited by moths in the window

on the thirteth november i may get the old

observers book of moths

i speak from experience

the garden is usual

yet the things i find

of a morning are not



i sits on the old table

see the door open

mostly the same time

each day



see the things put

down on the slate

in dishes or in tubs



i see vegetables

so i eat

them

i see pasta and i eat it



yoghurt is a must to

dip into to share with

slugs

who bloat in the thick of it



lucky i am if she puts out

cat food



then i lay and look through

the grass to the river



watch the flood rise and fall

while the sun warms



watch for the proper cat

who lives indoors, ragged

unlike me



and chase her up the boughs

of the tree



the oak tree

i am flattered that even in your tiredness
you write

to me i feel you are younger with your
words and bikes, the flowers

surely not as many years as i have
been here through good, some not

so

today is my easy one, just to go by bus
with friends added on the way to see
a film again

some chores are never done
ongoing and never a conclusion

you ask what i have been doing
varied things

you know i went to see my brother.
then the visit to chester? now you
know what i am doing today

while i know your project though
not sure what a pressure tank is
maybe to do with a furnace?

sounds powerful as i have no such
things only stoves and storage heaters

i was awake in the night while things
came backward

woke to make a clean bed for the laundry
man comes tomorrow
brings back friday

have a good day

little tiny fleas
may show love too
with biting….

often the cold weather comimg
kills them and hopefully all

though i do not wish creatures

to die and why the double space?

my family had cats until they had none
vowed to never have no more

it seems the other night a mewing came
at the back door. betty

all the tasks were done, looking for the owners
googling what to do , denying entry

then

they fed it, looked out for it, let it in
the kitchen only so far
cuddled it
named it betty

they said they did not want another cat
what about the birds
then they named it betty

black

odd that we enjoy the differing colours of creatures
yet some have an issue with that of fellow folk

6.44am strong winds
my cat out
hope that betty
does not blow away

left early yesterday to travel to chester
to prepare for winter

to see the mosaic again
to remind myself

that most have survived

i sat by the river saw the man
feeding birds to entertain
himself, his small son

they came after for my ice cream
cone crumbs

in rain i walked the cobbles
to the old toy shop, closed

peered through the windows

yes it is a good series, yet some refuse
to watch the unreality of it all

i go again next week
the three to see the spaceman

i write about the



slight bump



because i cannot write about the past

the one i never had





a little knock is nothing

a reminder to take more care

to look out for others



i apologise for intruding into your space or did you come into mine?



is there damage. will it remove with spit and a wipe

of your sleeve?



i am so sorry



i do not remember that time

yet



i will remember your details

to make reparation

or shall we just spit on it and wipe



shake hands?



i am so sorry



perhaps we can meet again some



other time

without collision

over a coffee?



later we talked it over on the bus

which came to a skid suddenly

i imagined it was a cat crossing



we are given the theme initially

then things change

incredibly

the movie, the film
was visually very pleasing

enjoyed the fabrics and overtones

undertones sent my mind

why the heirarchy, the differences
the unfareness of it all

she said she liked to see the men
dancing as did i, yet not the kissing

i felt it good to see him happy

the raid is a disgrace to our history

she also said it is all romanticised
not like in reality and there i agree
entirely

things move on and of course
the film is just a story for our
enjoyment

and

gave me thoughts of the past
and how things are now

the reality

i hope to see the space film
i like things like that too

there was a police chase after the bus
i was on and a person arrested

i was awhile at the police station
making a statement
getting the words write

without my birth date, gender and ethnicity

i hope things change so that kissing
is fine and dandy
to everyone

a cunning plan, i hope
you pull it off

i wish i could come too

in my black and faded things
to disappear into the gloom

most folk are kindly and
will feed a small and needy thing

i did when four came to me,
only two remain, darling
and sweetheart

darling being the boldest
here
now

it is light so much later
i woke so much later

the journey the week having
taken my energy
up we went in the funicular

to the wool sock shop
and bought three
for christmas

presently we do not
celebrate that only
the facts

that we are family
that is is midwinter then

and we require cheering

what do you do?

early morning



as if last week is forgotten

it is not

somerset is pretty

and while i enjoy

i feel that some do not

it was nice you kept in touch again

thank you

it is good to have friends

to reconnect on returning

much to think about

to keep to myself

to not mess with other

peoples’ perceptions

finding it easy to stay offline

yet feel the need to get back to working

i ate free fruit and saw a one horned cow

hope the laundry is neat

that you are well

returning to autumn

gradually

have not played chess for years

never found a partner

i think i work best alone

we have touched on this before

he mentioned a cross word

i told him of both my excitement

and failure

in this department it may

be best to stay from the edge



we are a little inland here

and feel it is safer overall

although i like to see the sea

hold on to the trees

she said that we all make mistakes

that it is best to know how to correct

them

not to mull over

get on with it

get over it

that was a long time ago

yet look i still remember

still mend things

glue and string

clues leave me restless

i told him of the music misunderstanding

he touched my hand

kindly

it gets stuck

sometimes



we need the time of loosening





first time the car warns of

the danger of ice

in september

as i reverse gracefully up the lane



it is a difficult manoeuvre best



done without thinking

focussing

after loosening



we gets stuck sometimes

the kittens will be kept safe? if i lived near
i should have them

i think it sounds like a bounty bar
which we have in two parts

the coconut sticks in the teeth
to **** out later

yes i was a maid back then
worked mornings time off
all afternoon
until it all went wrong

things change
we change with that

dear lord a busy hotel
for you. i cannot imagine

my laundry comes each week
to collect one sheet, one
duvet cover
sometimes one bolster case

brings it back nicely on fridays

you must be steaming

i walked the garden yesterday
the longer grass was cut, bagged
and is out for recycling
sadly i find a grass snake
strimmed and dead

smooth silky to touch

plans for the edges come
into mind
plan to make things manageable
leaving it looking natural

leaves are turning slowly daily

except at the turning
maentwrog

they go first always
and suddenly

this time of year

it seems we all have to apply

for an updated version



not prepared

for all the enthusiasm

the website went down



so phoning for a paper application

as often  easier

the assistant refers to me as

her love

as in my love



assumes i cannot use the internet



her love asks why the update

and it is explained that it is for fraud prevention



it seems



too many dead people are travelling by bus



these days



i will wait a while

she says that the paper forms are not yet printed



my love

the bear remains very quiet

listening

researching





you may remember in the past

how he spoke to me of his

sadness and disappointment

his fear about the future

his fear about all things



political and general



he spoke to me of how he

will like the kindness

his nationality

the climate gently



now he just looks at me

sadly

some times it all comes at once

full on

then later

all goes quiet here and there


there may be a need to take more sandwiches

with butter to keep the energy up

i took a yoghurt only and came very hungry

and fueled up with peppermints in the

afternoon


the note came by post

with no need to answer written

with pencil


in this  eight day period

i will say the same to you

with typing

from monday to friday next week

there will maybe be no message

from me


clean laundry from you to

help the maids

here we call them housekeepers


while the customers regard

things their own way

and my lip is buttoned



window misted

bird on the ledge

you may call them potato chips

in a packet all salty?

my house cat precious

likes mushrooms

a lot

raw and squidgy

she likes the leavings of salad

while the wild ones enjoy

out of date yogurt

from the bus yesterday i saw

a field of knapweed all gone

over

still beauty in the seed heads

the film was about a man who

saw beauty

about his mother abusive, manipulative

about my travelling to see it

about sitting with others

feeling differing things

opposing opinions

the film yesterday changed things

she said even small people can

change the world

i hope it is so

we are  published now

yellow hammer

some still sit quietly at home

and let it drift

a few do not

that ice cream thingy must be a local thing

to you

i cannot think of anything here

like that

only a sweet made with wafer and marshmallow

that looks like one

i used to buy ross’s puff candy

i had 3d on wednesdays to

spend



major decisions what to buy



never crisps

i was not allowed

told

they were a waste of money, only potato

my brother bought them for me

when he worked



it came our secret



i have them now of course

as many as i like



they did not have any logs at the store

not had any all summer either

i think i will find another supplier

local



been trying a more fresh fruit

and veg diet

gave me a belly ache

last eve



serves me right



back to the bread today

then

for breakfast



before a trip to aber arts

for the film



6.44 am

still dark

stomach settled

with latest headlines

it may be a small voice

small talk

strong syllables

rather than shouted blasphemy

is that what you mean by small talk?



or do you mean idle conversation

about nothing in particular



i can do that too



we talked about carrots that evening

prompted by a stranger



how do you cook them or do you

eat them raw and grated



great that one can cut them differing shapes



she said she decides how to cut them  according

to the accompanying veg

or company



you know if you are with friends it is good to

eat them easy

without bits hanging out

of the mouth



is that what you mean by small talk?



or do you mean words of one

part

not too many syllables like

that last word there



or tiny words squeaked like a mouse

very quietly



i can do that too



i can write small talk with voice

unless we are talking of autumn the gold

time which comes gentler with occasional winds

and related sweeping



autumn comes softly so

we fall

rain. two dark birds fly over.

days off are delightful
yours make good reading

i went on a visit
which fed me with delight
and home made
soup

then sadness for he is ill

a particular being
as are most of us
here

the cracked mirror
the wooden box tied with string

full of wood shavings, beautiful
to view another day
if i return
if i return

the cloth by the fire
three radios
each tuned different

splendid cows in the front fields
all clean and brushed

the rusted hook gathered
from the garden still good enough
to use

i walked through town
wet on the way up
dry coming back
hours later

yes i fail in that i see/experience
many things that may be left

aside

he said that maybe there is something
after all, that we are not to know of it ever

obviously as we do not know
and cannot know everything

there is a house below dark
yet somehow welcoming

i tried not to stare in

i like the feel of the town
slate town, blaenau ffestiniog

i woke later today
and that is alright

i shall record the addresses
and make a clean bed and studio later

for now

7.29 am
with tea, coffee in an hour
head full of thoughts and ideas
with no pattern or rhyme
with that underlying
sadness