It's getting really hard to meditate
On what's good and holy
When all the songs I hear
Are filled with lyrics about doubts and fear
Like being down in the dumps
And people pleasers
I need a how to
On being meek and quiet
With a heart that identifies
With what isn't true
I wanna be loud
I want to scream
How else will I get it out of me

I desperately need to scream
Feel myself breathe again
Claw this parasite out of me
Tear what’s left to shreds

I want to say
That I’d give up my soul
Just to be needed
But that isn’t true


Is it

Saying things
Just for the sake of saying things
Writing down sentences I don’t understand
New scars marking up my hands
Femininity down the drain
Tired eyes screaming in the mirror
Boy is this silence loud
Depth is a progression
I keep wanting to float
Aging is a recipe for losing yourself
Attempting to glaze over it
Ideas on a towering pedestal
The spirit rooms away locked up tight
Knowing what is needed
With no power over myself
Put freckles on my face
Just to occupy space and time
To feel different
Cyclical and inevitable
Devoid of satisfaction
Restless

Two months left in 28
Who I am is not who I've been
Pieces of myself pooling at my feet
Drops falling like condensation
Is this what has awaited me?

Reflections I do not recognize
New lines drawn on her soul
Under her eyes
I don't know this girl
Do I want to?

Hello, my sweet.
If I may, please allow me to wax poetic to you.
I don't know your name, I don't know your face. 
What I do know is what awaits you within my little infinity.
I will give my heart, mind, body and soul to you. 
Without condition or retreat. 
I will hold you in the quiet, when your mind races.
I will kiss your eyes when what you have seen has hurt you.
I will do everything in my power to fulfill whatever promise has been empty.
To be present in the gaps
Mold to your form.
My whole will be your all. 
Your eyes are a river washing over me.
Your arms are my hiding place.
Your mind my adventure.
Your soul will be my home, I will settle in and stay 
right 
there
I'll be your bird
Singing my song of joy to you, for you, with you
Please still love me if I sing off-key.
Please kiss me when I am not perfect.
I am going to need you.

Dropping hints
Sickly soul
Burning up
Giving out
Frankly scared
Empty eyes
Shimmering hope
Greedy hands
Freely given
Happy dance

Give me one of those phone calls
Where you’re miles apart
But all you feel is comfort
Enough peace
Enough kind quietness
To fall asleep to his breathing
Soaking in the sound
Of his carbon dioxide
Tingling from the depth of it all
Swimming in it
Give me one of those please