I’m scared I like you too much





Do you like me?

Lord the posture of my heart
It swung, always before your eyes
You know me fully wholly without fault
Never missing a single beat
You see me

Be still
Be strong
Let your heart take courage
Wait for the Lord

Abba, only you can draw me to a place of rest and patience.
I am a mess father
Forgive me
Prone to wander
Lord I feel it

Return o my soul to your rest
The Lord has dealt bountifully with you
Lord guide, lead, pour out your mercy
Douse me with wisdom
Let my lips speak with justice

Jesus my ruler, rescuer, my brother
Thank you, lead me to faithful worship

Spirit, pray when I don’t know how
When I don’t know what to do
When I am faithless
Guide the posture of my heart
Humble me father please. I need it
I need you above all, help me to receive

Help my unbelief
Help me to desire, commit, trust
Thank you for never forsaking your saints

The righteous are ever in your care
You are faithful
When I am faithless

Make my feet as the deer
Establish my steps
As I delight in your way
Uphold my hand lord
Even as I fall
Cause my steps not to slip

Tick tock
Grandfather clock
Swinging in time
With
The beat of my heart
Time flies
When I feel loved
Wishing for
The swinging to stop
To match- oh..
The skips
Of my heart
Tick-...
Ugh
Why won’t it swing?
Waiting for
The hand to bring
The end
Of my madness
Waiting for
My heart
To stop
Beating

I hate him so much
I miss the way he treated me
I miss his friendship and how he made me laugh
I miss him taking care of me in every aspect
I miss the car rides we took listening to amazing music

I think now I understand what this is
What I was to you
I was an ego boost, something soft to touch
Maybe it was my laugh, maybe it was my smile
But I can tell you for sure
It wasn’t my commitment to Christ
That kept you coming back to me
You wanted my attention
Just as much as I wanted yours
But we're both fools here
Our time is wasted on games

I love the Lord
I want him more than I ever wanted you
And honestly, seeing you
For what you are
Helps me to do the right thing
You are a sinner in need of the gospel
Same as me
But I have a responsibility
I am called to be holy

I’m done playing games

Heb 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfect of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

I am standing firm;
Because of Christ, I will not be moved.
My God is better,
He is greater,
He is satisfying.
Nothing and no one else,
Will ever bring peace.
The way,
The truth,
The life.
No one gets to the Father
Except through him.
Cursed is the man
Who trusts in man?
Heck that's all I've ever done.
Who makes flesh his strength?
Yikes, I trust myself too much.
I am a shrub in the desert.
Lord, make me a tree by water,
Make my feet like the deer.
O God, who can stand the weight
But your Son?
It crushes me wholly.
I cry out to you and only you.
Where else will I turn
And be heard?
I've been caught in a snare
My entire life,
Blind to the resentment,
But dealing with the consequences.
Only you can bring peace.
Hey soul,
Chill out man~
Seek first the kingdom of God
And all these things will be added.
If he gave me his Son,
How will he not also
Graciously give
All things.
Soul, drink up the word.
Body, be a holy, set apart, temple.
Mind, take every thought captive.
All of me,
Live, breathe, enjoy
The gospel.

There is nothing and no one else worthy of worship.

Gal 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.
And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Ps 116:1-7 “I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
The snares of death encompassed me, the pangs of sheol laid hold on me. I suffered distress and anguish.
Then I called on the name of the Lord, "O Lord, I pray, deliver my soul!"
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful.
The Lord preserves the simple, when I was brought low he saved me.
Return O my soul to your rest, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you”

I was doomed from the beginning
Living by my examples
Of misplaced trust and expectations
Leading to massive let down
Time and time again
It’s like I don’t know what happiness is without someone telling me everything’s alright
I can’t even begin to describe what it’s like being my own cage inside of my mind
Codependency is my thorn in my side
May my weakness show the power of Christ