Charmed into bad ideas
By a heart more lost than mine
Intrigued by the idea
That someone can want me that badly
Hey
I know where that leads
Don’t do this for me
You’ll never win like this

And trust me

I’m not worth that effort

_
I’m so pleased that you avoided me like the plague.
I probably just scared you by telling you I broke down.
Either way, still pleased.
_
You broke me so hard and I’ve never recovered.
You never looked back.
I would have done anything for you.
I still love you, I would still forgive you, but I know you’ll never come back.
_
You gave me a picture of New York.
What did you want me to do with it?
What you wrote, tore me up.
I don’t want you.
_
All of the things I’ve said.
Let me go, let me grow, let me be. Don’t come back. I can’t breathe. I’m too scared. I’m not good. I’m not enough. I’m not fighting for you, don’t fight for me.
It’s so painfully evident to me,
That you need this even more than I do.

I don't feel enough anymore
That's rich coming from me
I feel too much but it's the wrong things
I don't feel what's important
Instead I forget so quickly
I choose to forget instead of deal with what's in front of me
I'm miserable because of things I do to myself
And because of things I choose not to do
This isn't even satisfying, I'm restless

Will I ever find rest
Will my heart find respite
Can I go to sleep without stress in my head
Will I find joy soon
Will I ever find peace
Will I find comfort in another’s arms or confidence at least
Will I ever be fine
Will I ever be truly happy
Will I get married and have children who are proud to call me mom

It doesn’t matter if I’m right
My emotions will take over
I’ll seem crazy
It doesn’t matter if I’m right
He’ll only see the world through
His rosy lenses
It doesn’t matter if he’s wrong
I feel the way I feel
And it’s too late for me to heal
It doesn’t matter if he’s wrong
He’ll never change
Even though he claims to care
It doesn’t matter if we try
We just won’t work out
Our hearts are too far away
It doesn’t matter if we try
I don’t want him
Even though I like to pretend

You used to be about my ****
But recently you’ve been a ****
I don’t know what I’ve done wrong in this
Somewhere along the lines I missed

Out on what you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

I don’t know how to pretend
When we can’t even be friends
I know it’s what you want but I
Only want to see your face at night

(Oh why did I let go of)
What you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

Too far in to take it back now
I wanted to make this work out
But your heart’s so far away
How can you just give

Up on what you offered me
And now it’s just too late for me
To give you my love oh please
Oh please
Don’t let this end

How do I let this all slide
I just want you by my side
And now I know you want to leave
I really can’t believe

(You gave)
Up on what I offered you
Is my love not enough for you
I know I’m a jealous *****
But I just can’t see past your ****
Oh what am I supposed to do
When all I want is all of you

Am I morphing or am I pretending?

I have no friends and no patience to make it happen when there is no progress so far. Plus what’s the use if they ditch me from lack of caring about me.

If this doesn’t work, I’ll be as hopeless as Jeff. With no options left but to live with myself the way I am for the rest of my life.

I am. Crazy. And there is no end. It lasts forever. Trapped in my internal mindscape.

If you loved me like you said you do, then why do you make me do all of the work you lazy *** ****. You don’t love me. You’re saying whatever you can to get what you want. I just wish it hadn’t worked. And ******* for telling me to shut up. You put me in this position.

Everything that has ever happened to me is my fault.

Dad, I love you but if you don’t stop talking to me like I’m 16 I’m going to burst into flames from how infuriated I am. I’ve asked you so many times now to take me seriously. Ps. Saying I love you in such cheap ways doesn’t make me feel loved. You’re saying it like it’s your job and not like it’s real. I’d honestly rather you left me alone.

If I am, I’ll do it, and I will never tell anyone ever. I would live with it alone. I would hide it for the rest of my life.