It's not a habit with this i have no control
This is something I cant get up the nerve to tell no
I need it as i rub my legs 2gether wanting a fix
All im needing is one hit
Then for a while my mind will be free
It will float in the air passing through the trees
Without it in my body there is a friction
What i have is an addiction
Cant stop moving without it i have no ease
The thought of my addiction buckles my knees
It gives me shattering teeth and goose bumps
Knowing the addiction is too much
Wanting to have control but it wont let me
Never wanting this addiction to leave
It solves problems that i don't want to understand
Time consuming addiction needing a helping hand
Sleep never comes when i have not fed my craving
For it i go begging,pleading,prowling,and slaving
A habit no; much more complex
Wondering how im gonna come up with the next
A hard ******* from me rise when i see it
Knowing i want it **** i need it
My addiction
Soft complexion smile is light
usually go on the prowl for it early mornings and late at night
I cook it up with my own hands as i mold it to my liking
And when i get it just right i slice it
knowing that i  want it but i have to make it want me too
knowing that my addiction is you

Walking back and forth panting as i breath
I looked up and the problem i seen
I hate you, you unemotional freak!
Everything you do falls back on me
You are destroying my life piece by piece
All i want is happiness cant you see!
No one loves me and it is all your fault
I cant stand you! I hope you get caught
I despise the look of you right now as i speak!
One thought of you and i cant eat
Just leave get out of my way!
(I screamed go!) I no longer want to play
You have that evil smile and stupid glare
Your whole demeanor  is you don't care
Took me from something to nothing
I hate you! I hate you! cant you tell
I hope you have a ticket straight to hell
Then all of a sudden someone asked me whats wrong
I point, and say my life this fool has torn
Are you okay "someone replied"
I just want this evildoer to die
Don't stop me I'm going to  **** her
And softly someone replied" but I'm just your reflection in the mirror"

Looking in the mirror and the face that looks back i hate
All the pain and misery you put me through your a **** disgrace
Why are you staring at me with such evil eyes?
Every word that comes out your mouth is a lie
Tears running down my eyes and you look back overjoyed
I tried to go the right direction but my life you have destroyed
Relationship failing and its all because of you
You took all of my weakness and used it as a tool
I hate what i see because i feel like nothing
All the hurt in me you used it as a suction
And ****** all the good from my lips
So now what i speak cuts me like a whip
Staring at this person and just going off
******* its your fault we are lost
If only you would of told me to do right
I wouldn't be standing here with this gun tonight
It's over you destroyed me now it is time to destroy you
I looked in the mirror pulled the trigger and killed me too
As my spirit lifted from my body i realized the person i seen in the mirror was me
But because i was so lost the inner person within i didn't see
Now my soul wanders because i didn't mean to **** her
Now knowing it was me i that i destroyed in the mirror

They say no one is perfect but is that really true
Because You see all i hear is perfection in you
You are a fantasy that i have thought of for years
A happiness i never thought would be there
When you speak it is as if you waited all your life to tell me
And when i talk to you i can finally breath
They say no one is perfect but i need to emphasize
You are perfectly detailed in my eyes
if you had a flaw in my eyes you are still nothing less than perfection
As you began to take my heart to another dimension
You make me believe in what i have thought died
Is as if our meeting was just divine
As if god was waiting for the perfect time
To bring his perfect angel to be mine
You make me smile with every minute
And laughter fills me every other sentence
Am i good enough for you would be my question
But to be your all is my only mission
They say no one is perfect but they need to do some research
Because i honestly dont ever see me getting hurt
At least not with you but i don't want to speak to fast
It is as if you are giving me an escape
And introducing me to a brighter day
With a promising FUTURE of tomorrow
And a rescue from my sorrows
A kiss from you would be so worth it
Because in my eyes you are just perfect

Dark clouds come and nights get gloomy
Sometimes I feel alone like no one hear me
The rain falls down and it gets me depressed
Every struggling moment is just a test
keep in your head 'every victory is mine'
No matter what happens the sun still shine
When nights get dark and days get cold
Even when goals never reached begin to get old
Keep your head up and keep in your mind
The sun still shines
The sun will shine when rainy days decide to come
Dark clouds come to override the sun
Life is just a test made for us
To conquer all should be your goal
The eagerness to accomplish should make you bold
It"s really easy once you understand and comprehend
Life is a battle made for us to win
Get through the rain and see clear sky s
you know **** well the sun still shine

Your voice is strong with a embrace behind it
And your smile is soft and much innocent
When you speak it comes out with force
But you have a look in your eyes of a lil girl who forgot her choirs
When i met you, you was so **** hype
But now i see a woman that don't want to be alone tonight
You talk **** better then Anyone i know
But you look like life you rather take slow
Your voice says im intelligent and i am my own boss
but you look like you r waiting to be found because you are lost
Your voice is strong it says don't play with me
And your appearance is look at my heart and the truth you will see
i can tell that you heart is pure
but with yourself you seem to be unsure
They say looks could be deceiving but your voice fooled me
but i didn't know what to expect actually
And you still proved me right you r so pure
If i was sick your smile  would be the cure
Now i can really and truly see
A FUTURE with you and me
A strong voice and a innocent face
You are how i would want it if i could have it my way

If u believe in Jesus Christ and he died on the cross ya soul would be saved
Religious folks stress that everyday
"(Come as u are)" words that come out they mouth
But if your  not like them they single u out
"(No sin is greater then the next or to be speccific the rest)"
well lets put your faith to the test
I'm a sinner at least that is what u would say
But i believe he died for me" doesn't that make me saved?
I walk in the c Church with baggy jeans
And after service they say next time a dress please
My sin is a abomination in his sight
so you look at me  different, am i right?
You point at me look me up and down
Shake your head and say my soul wont be found
You don't even like me in your church
And question my being on Sunday when u see me on my porch
followed by u telling me i need th find the lord
And then behind my back cut me like a sword
But i believe he died for me so doesn't that make me saved?
at least that's what they say
but that's until they find out Im gay....

We have been kicking it for a minute or yhu can say a while
I love everyhing about yhu from ya laugh to ya smile
Time goes by I find myself continuosly asking that question yhu relunctantly turn down
but you don't want to stop messing around
You like us better with no title
Your not my girl, not my wife none of the lubby dubby shyt
But you always come to me when you need that quick fix
I'm patiently waiting for you to be ready
Wondering will you ever be my girl or should I say lady
But you prefere us to have no title
You want no compilcations to what we created things go smooth
You already got ya wife someone already married you
No ring involved just a word with no meaning someone before me has a title ****
So I'm stuck with working hard to move up a notch from just ya friend
You say 'we are better with no title'
Well I'm sick of this shyt I can't take no more
You be my girl or I will permanantly walk out ya door
I am willing to let go of the ***,laughs,conversation no more of my time will I waste on you
I soon find someone to give me what you was so scared to
A TITLE
Now your ******, I ain't shyt now you hate my guts
Mad at the fact I found someone to return the love
You feel some type of way now I have found someone new
And now I'm ok with being just friends with you
Your right we don't need a title
See I got tired of asking, wanting, and waitng
So yes I went and found someone that would love to be my lady
Now I have a girlfriend, you want to be that so you make a rival
All your screaming ranting and raving in the beginning your the one who said we didn't need a title......

Been ******* ova a thousand times
Result of that is trust isnt on my mind
Thats one thing i dont have
So i kno any relationship i start wont last
I try to believe that your not like my past
But after you gave it all its hard to redo that
I have put my heart on the line
Covered my eyes to lies i played blind
Closed my ears to gossip in the streets
Of her cheating and not claiming me
Who would of thought the one you give your soul
Would trade it for what they thought was gold
Make you out to be the fool when time of approach comes
And i loved her so much i believed her how dumb
So now you come in singing a song i have heard
How you would love me forever and my heart you wont hurt
Sorry to be the barrier of bad news
But i must be real and say i dont believe you
Yes i heard you when you said you'd love me on dieing knee
And your promise to never cheat
But your words are oh to familar
I have dejavu with your words this is a bad delima
Trust isnt something i can give easily
As well as my heart my mind cant you see
Take it slow with me i cant go fast
I refuse to get out of us what i did in my past
I be ****** if i get hurt again
Having to hear gossip from my friends
I will not hold the sign of pain any more
Before i go thru it again i will show you the door
I dont want to wait up at night for you to walk in
Or get scared when i see you around another woman
I want to be free of playing the fool
And to be honest i just want to love and be loved without trust issues

It was a friendship just someone to talk to
No ties, no strings attached we was cool
There was no *** of course i am too far
I was her sky and she was my stars
Conversations go by and I'm feeling her style
How she makes me laugh and drive me wild
A talking friend is what we r suppose to be
But somewhere down the line my emotions began to leak
I haven't even seen her in person and that goes both ways
Sounds to me like a twist of fate
She is sweet and i don't want to move to soon
A good friendship i don't want to loose
I seem to be feeling her more and more
But i don't want to open the wrong door
I like her and i can see us expanding
But i want a rock made relationship not no plastic
I keep telling myself keep up ya guard
Chris hold it down you got the *****
But baby girl is taking me somewhere nice
I day dream of her and a new life
It was a friendship just someone to talk to
As time goes by wanting to tell her ( i want you)
I can see her being my better half
I can see a love that will truly last
She was supposed to be a friend just a play mate
But it is looking like a Twist Of Fate

Who can i run to?
when bad dreams take over my sleep
lonely days depress me forcing me not to eat
Who can i run to?
when tears fall and my heart overflow with broken promises
hatred preys on my soul waiting to demolish it
Who can i run to?
when i am alone with no one around
with not even a hand to help me off the ground
Who can i run to?
when the fool i play and i am looking for advice
but everywhere i turn there is more pain and strife
Who can i run to?
when I'm heart broken
or when my heart has been trampled and stolen
Who can i run to?      
Can i run to you?
As an escape away or out
or even direction to a exit route
Can i run to you?
will you free my soul;
make me whole
teach me a lesson i yet not know;
or will you just let me go
Will my cross be to much for you to bare?
Will you leave with not even a care?
Will you be true?
or make me the fool
will you do me as others has done you?
Alone I don't know what to do
so tell me when life is to much bare
when i give up and no longer care
when i become content with loneliness
because love i dismissed
when suicide sounds like it's the right thing to do
Tell me Who can i run to?????????

Bask me in the essence of your life
serve me a plate of your sorrow and strife
And i will eat it whole
tie me up and throw stones of your pain to my head
break me down to the damaging things that went on in your bed
And i will take it whole
give my half way cleaned up heart your impurity's
tell me you are scared and your love is unsure to me
And i will stay whole
break me down like acid in your stomach
feed me to the lions and say i don't want it
threaten my very own life
still i will be all right
And i will stand whole
share your most embarrassing moments with my ear
and if you don't want me to know i will just act as if i cant hear
but let it out
and if your letting it is giving it to me
i will take your burdens cant you see
And still sleep whole
open me up like a old wound ,and pour your salt of hate for life inside
i will close it up my self the burning that i feel from it  i will hide
as long as your alright
And i will heal whole
take your gun of sickness and scared of lonely
put it to my head and girl just *******
******* away
And i will be whole
you see im so into you
til there is nothing that u could say or do
my love for you stands strong
so i am willing to take all of your wrongs
give them to me to throw away
let me erase it for you and give u a clean slay
start fresh but end it with me
these things i will say even on dieing knees
Just so i could leave whole
i will take it all and burn it down with the fire of love
that burns from my soul hold u and cool u down with a warm hug
let it out ,let it go
you can even let me know
So our love can be whole......

You know o must be cursed or some ****
Because my whole life has been full of it
Haters,opinion makers,liars and manipulators
Is as if the devil picked me as his favorite
If its not my hair its my cloths
if its not my attitude its the pain i wont show
If it s not how i talk i be ****** it the way  i walk
If its not my friends its the ones i want
Its as if you don't want me with a little misery but a bunch
Everyone says they want whats best for me
Then how come those words i dont see
Your family is supposed to have your back
its A shame how mines don't go with that
It used to be if u like it i love it
in my family if i like it they **** it
Haters that is all you are
You thought my future my past would scar
But u see i made best of the worst
So you mad and want to bring out my hurt
You know i laugh at you mother ******* yall is funny
My dark clouds is so **** sunny
And you suckers wanna give me rain
You must be crazy better yet insane
If you think the happiness i created yall will destroy
now you want me to bring the noise
I think i have come out real nice,tight ,and fly
And yall are hating.......... Why?

Tears ran down my eyes for those i love
Even the one's i despise but they don't know

Yesterday i cried for my mother;
S he did me wrong but i still love her

Yesterday i cried for my dad;
I think the day his brother died is when he went mad

Yesterday i cried for my little sister;
She is lost in the world and there is no one to fix it

Yesterday i cried for my oldest sister Nichole;
It's a shame she might raise her sons on her own

Yesterday i even cried for you;
The things you go through people have no clue

Yesterday i cried, Yes i cried for me;
For what i deserved and those i really did need

Yesterday i cried, But i live for today;
So my tears for yesterday are my old way

I might think about it but i will not cry
See I'm one out of so many that have survived
A affect on me my past did have
But today I'm learning how to deal with that

Today, I will sleep better tonight when i lye
And that is because Yesterday I Cried

allow me the great oppurtunity to bless ya heart with peace
take ya soul on a journey of freedom, understanding, and ease
let me travel ya mind read ya every thought and comfort your cerebellum
every bad past thought let me use all my power to shred them
let me erase any thought of ambiguity
put in your mind a thought of us and you only think longevity
can i give you my heart for the knowings of your every thought
i will allow you to be my teacher because i want to be taught
you see im no regular A.G that wants to feel between ya thighs
get entwined and let my fingers ****** deep inside
i prefer to rub your head on a rainy day
look you straight in your eyes with the most firmest face
and say baby what r you thinking whats in your head
rather than how bout i take you to my crib you strip and jump in my bed
i prefer to stare you down and strip you bare
undress myself and we go there
i want to dive deep into ya ocean
swim all strokes until i cant no more to your waves motion
no im not talking bout whats below your waste
but what is behind ya face
i want to get to know you on a intellectual level no matter how long it take
can i get engaged to your mind and marry your every thought
travel through ya pains sorrows fantasies and just get lost
i want to lick and carress in every crevice of your mind frame just to have a taste of your imagination
and after i have learned ya mind then i will explore your bodies temptation

So many has laughed,clowned,disrespected,and screamed i would fell
But i grin the biggest grin with one thought "i found myself"
So many has degraded me and basically mocked
See i stress the new me as u mock
So continue please, ya hatred is just that I'm not as ****** up as u
I made it ,I came through i am the new
The new beginning the next generation
I am the seduction the new sensation
So you did all that but look at me with naked eyes
Probably wishing hoping, yearning,i would spread ya thighs
Your even being my paparazzi wanting to kno how i did it
How i took my problems and made them smaller than bacon bits
Or how i flushed drama like i do ****
You can say I'm quick to dismiss
Things that don't matter in my head never exist
I am the real the one you want to know
I am what u wished to be but that wish never came true
So here i come to fulfill it for you
So no more laughs,disrespect, or dumb glares
See where i been ya brain couldn't even try to go there
i am better then the rest my name has been put to the test
Softly Spoken but refuse to take your mess