No I'm not the best person in the world
I wasn't born with a golden spoon
But god loves me too
No i don't sit behind no pulpit and scream god all day
Or walk up the street like i just worship and pray
But god loves me too
No I'm not saved at least not yet
but god loves me and that i bet
He loves me as much as he loves you
From the top of my head to my feet too
God loves me
Yes i curse every now and then
I fall short to peer pressure with my friends
But god loves me too
Yes i drink and talk about god
but that is because he is working on my life
Yes i smoke my cigarettes and drink my beer
And there are times that i don't care
Other times i act a fool
But god loves me too

Broken promises, thoughts, and dreams
What u thought or wanted i cant seem to be
Broken words fall from your lips
And **** how quickly you forget
Forget that you cursed me hell called me everything in the book
Your words,your disrespect,because your my parent i have overlooked

I am..........Broken
From my heart love for my parents, you my parents have stolen
along time ago may i add
Oh you cant figure well then do the math
You have crumbled me every time i tried to please
or even put ya mind to ease drama i squeezed to seize
But... you still say who i am is not good enough
you eat my dreams,and fantasy's for lunch
    So why should i care?.....
Why should i want u to be there
See i try to understand your method of life
And have grown to learn that it isn't right
You say your dreams for me i have stolen
Well who cares that the love i had for u my parents in my heart is broken

So many has laughed,clowned,disrespected,and screamed i would fell
But i grin the biggest grin with one thought "i found myself"
So many has degraded me and basically mocked
See i stress the new me as u mock
So continue please, ya hatred is just that I'm not as ****** up as u
I made it ,I came through i am the new
The new beginning the next generation
I am the seduction the new sensation
So you did all that but look at me with naked eyes
Probably wishing hoping, yearning,i would spread ya thighs
Your even being my paparazzi wanting to kno how i did it
How i took my problems and made them smaller than bacon bits
Or how i flushed drama like i do ****
You can say I'm quick to dismiss
Things that don't matter in my head never exist
I am the real the one you want to know
I am what u wished to be but that wish never came true
So here i come to fulfill it for you
So no more laughs,disrespect, or dumb glares
See where i been ya brain couldn't even try to go there
i am better then the rest my name has been put to the test
Softly Spoken but refuse to take your mess

If u believe in Jesus Christ and he died on the cross ya soul would be saved
Religious folks stress that everyday
"(Come as u are)" words that come out they mouth
But if your  not like them they single u out
"(No sin is greater then the next or to be speccific the rest)"
well lets put your faith to the test
I'm a sinner at least that is what u would say
But i believe he died for me" doesn't that make me saved?
I walk in the c Church with baggy jeans
And after service they say next time a dress please
My sin is a abomination in his sight
so you look at me  different, am i right?
You point at me look me up and down
Shake your head and say my soul wont be found
You don't even like me in your church
And question my being on Sunday when u see me on my porch
followed by u telling me i need th find the lord
And then behind my back cut me like a sword
But i believe he died for me so doesn't that make me saved?
at least that's what they say
but that's until they find out Im gay....

There's so much on my mind my brain is about to explode
No longer having nothing to lean on or keep me whole
I've been disowned by half of my family because of decisions I've made
All the debts I have in life I'm beginning to pay
So many problems begin to bottle up inside
I keep them in 'well' at least I try
Here is a brief of what I'm going through
Sit back relax and read a poem of a fool
I got caught up in a relationship i can hardly handle
My whole life seems to be a scandal
I dropped out of school my biggest mistake
So far away i don't want to go back and that i hate
I've got a little sister who I've hurt so bad
The pain she have for me makes me sad
I'm in love and don't think the person feel the same
Everyday i wake up my life is going to waist
Finally heard from my mother who im eager to see
But the love for a man is more important than me
My father lost faith he is back on drugs
Wanting to erase everything and bring it back like it was
My older sister is doing her own thing
And for everything I just wrote I seem to be the blame
It seem like its small nut you don't understand
All I want is a helping hand
I want to grow up but I'm scared
I cant handle things now what will I do then
There is so much on my mind my brain is about to explode
Even with those that care for me I still feel alone




     i wrote this when i was 16 yrs old

Dark clouds come and nights get gloomy
Sometimes I feel alone like no one hear me
The rain falls down and it gets me depressed
Every struggling moment is just a test
keep in your head 'every victory is mine'
No matter what happens the sun still shine
When nights get dark and days get cold
Even when goals never reached begin to get old
Keep your head up and keep in your mind
The sun still shines
The sun will shine when rainy days decide to come
Dark clouds come to override the sun
Life is just a test made for us
To conquer all should be your goal
The eagerness to accomplish should make you bold
It"s really easy once you understand and comprehend
Life is a battle made for us to win
Get through the rain and see clear sky s
you know **** well the sun still shine

Who can i run to?
when bad dreams take over my sleep
lonely days depress me forcing me not to eat
Who can i run to?
when tears fall and my heart overflow with broken promises
hatred preys on my soul waiting to demolish it
Who can i run to?
when i am alone with no one around
with not even a hand to help me off the ground
Who can i run to?
when the fool i play and i am looking for advice
but everywhere i turn there is more pain and strife
Who can i run to?
when I'm heart broken
or when my heart has been trampled and stolen
Who can i run to?      
Can i run to you?
As an escape away or out
or even direction to a exit route
Can i run to you?
will you free my soul;
make me whole
teach me a lesson i yet not know;
or will you just let me go
Will my cross be to much for you to bare?
Will you leave with not even a care?
Will you be true?
or make me the fool
will you do me as others has done you?
Alone I don't know what to do
so tell me when life is to much bare
when i give up and no longer care
when i become content with loneliness
because love i dismissed
when suicide sounds like it's the right thing to do
Tell me Who can i run to?????????

Ones train of thought is lost in the current
To regain it i would need some reassurance
Heart has stopped for a minute which seems like a life time
Looking around because i think i have lost my mind
Legs shaky, body seems to become weak
Soul is on fire, Do you feel the heat?
Head spinning as if i had drunk a whole bottle of gin
Feet planted to the ground no way to move
No way to talk my voice i begin to loose
Everything seems to get blurry to my eyes
Whatever emotions i had on the ground it lies
The question is how this all begin
A woman i called a friend
Invited me over for a glass of wine
For conversation and a good time
In the process of me leaving to head home
There was  pause at the door as our minds was stuck to roam
So to build up my courage i whispered a goodnight
An thank you, i had fun and to do it again would be right
She gave me a hug and caressed me slow
Something kept telling me to get out that door
She moved toward me my lips to her lips
Don't get me wrong i wanted it
Like a coroner she pronounced me dead at the scene
When asked the cause of death she replied it was me
Lock her up the police screamed strong and  steady
And book her for carrying a kiss so deadly

Looking in the mirror and the face that looks back i hate
All the pain and misery you put me through your a **** disgrace
Why are you staring at me with such evil eyes?
Every word that comes out your mouth is a lie
Tears running down my eyes and you look back overjoyed
I tried to go the right direction but my life you have destroyed
Relationship failing and its all because of you
You took all of my weakness and used it as a tool
I hate what i see because i feel like nothing
All the hurt in me you used it as a suction
And ****** all the good from my lips
So now what i speak cuts me like a whip
Staring at this person and just going off
******* its your fault we are lost
If only you would of told me to do right
I wouldn't be standing here with this gun tonight
It's over you destroyed me now it is time to destroy you
I looked in the mirror pulled the trigger and killed me too
As my spirit lifted from my body i realized the person i seen in the mirror was me
But because i was so lost the inner person within i didn't see
Now my soul wanders because i didn't mean to **** her
Now knowing it was me i that i destroyed in the mirror

Tears ran down my eyes for those i love
Even the one's i despise but they don't know

Yesterday i cried for my mother;
S he did me wrong but i still love her

Yesterday i cried for my dad;
I think the day his brother died is when he went mad

Yesterday i cried for my little sister;
She is lost in the world and there is no one to fix it

Yesterday i cried for my oldest sister Nichole;
It's a shame she might raise her sons on her own

Yesterday i even cried for you;
The things you go through people have no clue

Yesterday i cried, Yes i cried for me;
For what i deserved and those i really did need

Yesterday i cried, But i live for today;
So my tears for yesterday are my old way

I might think about it but i will not cry
See I'm one out of so many that have survived
A affect on me my past did have
But today I'm learning how to deal with that

Today, I will sleep better tonight when i lye
And that is because Yesterday I Cried

My legs have there own mind at this point;
From my hips to my knees really every joint;
Gone and i cant even stop;
Even if i wanted to I'm not;
Yes I'm tired, but not because I'm running;
Its the lies, the haters, and those who don't really want nothing;
For i have tried this love thing one to many times;
And in return i have been hurt time after time;
Head straight one foot after the other;
I'm covering my tracks there will not be another;
I refuse to go through the same thing all over again;
you know the one minute they love you and then its lets be friends;
Crazy maybe i am;
Or could it be i met to many who just didn't give a ****;
Fill your head up with so many dreams;
Of a better life, love, kids, school, marriage so many things
And when they got you those dreams begin to fade;
Followed by your tears, there excuse and the I'm sorry but we need to separate;
No looking back for me , NOPE i can say never;
I keep telling myself that and day by day it sounds more clever;
Don't tell me you love me because i don't care;
I guess you can say I'm running scared;
But after you been hurt so many times you no longer trust;
And you learn the difference of love and lust;
I'm passing trees like lightening in the sky;
Running as if some one behind me is trying to take my life;
When i say I'm running scared it is not literally;
I am not in a marathon trying to get to the next street;
My heart is blocked love i now run from;
I'm more protected then a bullet proof vest and you are holding a love gun;
that four letter word in my heart is not there;
Y well because with love I'm running scared

Put a persuasion of love in my thoughts
Make my eyes focus on your walk
****** me with words that fall from your lips
Then leave me and you i will miss
Make me need a touch from you
Hypnotize me to do what you want me to
Take me mind, body, and soul
Sexually tear me apart and begin to make me whole
Kiss me slowly bring my body to ease
Take your hand and caress every part of me
Steal me away from the world for a while
Exhaust me like i have ran 100 miles
Give me your body to feed
Show me things i have not yet seen
Remove stress off of me one by one
Take me from the moon and give me to the sun
****** my soul from death and give me life
In the bleary darkness be my light
Turn me into a tree and you be the wind to make me move
Whisper a melody of moans to keep me in the mood
Take me and embed me inside of you
Remove doubt from my mind and be come only truth
Relax me comfort is all i need
And in the process of all that -- *** ME!

Walking back and forth panting as i breath
I looked up and the problem i seen
I hate you, you unemotional freak!
Everything you do falls back on me
You are destroying my life piece by piece
All i want is happiness cant you see!
No one loves me and it is all your fault
I cant stand you! I hope you get caught
I despise the look of you right now as i speak!
One thought of you and i cant eat
Just leave get out of my way!
(I screamed go!) I no longer want to play
You have that evil smile and stupid glare
Your whole demeanor  is you don't care
Took me from something to nothing
I hate you! I hate you! cant you tell
I hope you have a ticket straight to hell
Then all of a sudden someone asked me whats wrong
I point, and say my life this fool has torn
Are you okay "someone replied"
I just want this evildoer to die
Don't stop me I'm going to  **** her
And softly someone replied" but I'm just your reflection in the mirror"

When i was born i was born as one
As soon as i came out my mothers womb my journey begun;
Learning that i was born into a world of sin
Thinking to myself growing was easy when i was within;
Now I'm in a world of hurt, pain, destruction by death
Wondering if death at birth would have been best;
Dropping to my knees and to god i cry
Talking to god on a personal note and just asking why;
There is no way you can make it by yourself
With all that's going on in the world your going to need something else;
So i told god " i need a angel"
One that could cover me from all angles
So that i could be protected from hurt, harm, and danger
sometimes your angel can be a stranger;
Life is a test quizzed by the best
One man who is stronger and power fuller than the rest;
I had to learn to just pray
It's only god that can get us through each and every day ;
So when my life turns up side down to tangle
i just look to the sky and say" Lord i need an angel"

WORDS FALL FROM MY LIPS WITH EASE
ON PAPER IT GOES DOWN FOR EYES TO PLEASE
THOUGHTS THAT HAS TRAVELED MY MIND
IN YOUR HEAD A PLACE TO REST IT FINDS
AS MY WORDS LIFT YOU OUT YOUR SEAT
HANDS CLAP ON THE GROUND PLANTED IS YOUR FEET
YOUR EYES WILL BE SEALED TO THE PAPER LIKE GLUE
MY WORDS WILL EASE YOUR MIND THEY COME OUT SO SMOOTH
I WILL TAKE YOU ON A JOURNEY OF FREE WILL
SPIRITS,FAIRY TALES,DREAMS AND FANTASIES ROAM ON THERE OWN FREE WILL
MY WORDS ARE MADE TO MAKE THE SOUL STILL
I AM
THE ONE - THE ONE WHO WILL SELL YOU A DREAM UNSEEN
THE ONE WHO MAKES A DRY NIGHT A *******
THE ONE WHO SOLVES PROBLEMS WITHOUT A QUESTION
THE ONE WHO IS GONNA TAKE YOU MIND BODY AND SOUL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION
I AM
ME MYSELF AND I , I AM I
THE ONE TO MAKE YOU CRY
BUT DRIES YOUR EYES
BECAUSE MY WORDS RELEASE SMOOTH
MY WORDS ARE HERE TO COMFORT YOU
MY WORDS CAN FIX WHAT IS BROKEN
YOUR WONDERING WHO AM I
I AM
SOFTLY SPOKEN

HOLDING ON TO WHATS BROKEN
TRYING TO SHIELD WHAT WAS ALREADY STOLEN
SITTING HER HOPING
THAT WE CAN STAY FOCUSED AND MEND WHAT WAS BROKEN
DREAMS AND FANTASIES BEGIN TO SEIZE
AS I DROP TO MY KNEES AND BEGIN TO PLEAD
LORD DON'T LET HER LEAVE ME
FOR WITH OUT HER I CANT BREATH
I MEAN I CANT SEE
WELL FOR NO REASON I WILL JUST BLEED
FOR HER LOVE I NEED
HER VOICE OF SWEET MELODIES
I JUST CANT ALLOW TO LEAVE CANT YOU SEE
I AM HOLDING ON FOR YEARS HAS WENT BY
NOT ONE DAY HAS GONE WITHOUT A TEAR FALLING FROM MY EYE
BUT I TELL YOU KNOW LIE
MY LOVE I STILL CANT HIDE
NO MATTER HOW I TRIED ALL ATTEMPTS WAS A LIE
THE SMELL OF HER PERFUME FLOW THROUGH THE AIR EVERY TIME I GO OUT SIDE
AND THEY SAY IS TIME TO LET MY LOVE FOR HE GO BYE
AND I ASK Y
FOR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL PEACEFUL LOVE IS LOVING LOVE IS THE BEGINNING OF EVERY THING THAT IS BREATHING FOR WITHOUT LOVE WE ARE NOTHING SO Y, Y DO THEY CUT ME DOWN BECAUSE MY LOVE HAS TRIED TO GO ASTRAY AND I HELD TIGHT TO MAKE IT STAY EVERY CONSEQUENCE I WILL PAY AS LONG AS MY LOVE DON'T DELAY OR GO ASTRAY
BUT IT HAS AND NOT WILLING MY LOVE WAS TAKEN BY THE GOOD MAN HE WROTE HIS NAME IN SAND AND SAID I NEED HER SO YES THAT IS WHY I HAVE HELD ON TO MY LOVE BECAUSE IN HEAVEN SHE AWAITS FOR ME TO WALK THROUGH THOSE GATES AND THERE I WILL STAY WITH ENOUGH TIME TO SAY I LOVE YOU

ALL LOVE IS WORTH HOLDING ON