reminiscing of screeching tires,
shattering glass,
my head hitting the windshield
..seatbelts do save lives I guess
why am I disappointed?

Since the crash I have found that I really do not care about much of anything at all
It’s all a waste of time
of energy
Why am I here
Who allowed me to survive

We walk and we lie with monsters
they hold our hands
caress our cheeks
plant kisses on our lips
some may even actually care
We become so sure of them
and so unsure of ourselves
that we still hold those hands even after they have bruised us
we still long for their touch
even when we know they don’t know how to caress anymore
we wish for their lips
all while they use them to spout hate in our direction
now that we know what they are capable of
their promise to love us til the end of time
is the scariest truth of all

Sobriety
has brought me a clearer head
for all my thoughts to fill

And that is why I hate it

My music only gets slower
and my lyrics sadder
just as I do

I pour so much hope
and so much longing into you
Into believing that one day you will change your mind about leaving
leaving your family and yourself behind
with a crater too big for any of us to occupy
everyone else has adjusted their lives
to try and move on without you
but mom,
I still house this great big hole in me
that only you can fill,
so all I can do is keep on sparing enough
hope for the both of us

when you hear the initial news
whether you throw your head back and wail to the heavens
or if you choose to mourn in silence
Please forgive me,
each time my thought brings tears
or ruins your mood for the day
Please forgive me,
when you question yourself over and over
wondering if you did enough
Please,
just be glad you got a chance to meet me
and if you cannot forgive me
I can forgive you for that