What do you do when the words of the devil
become secondary to the air you breathe
She whispers to you as you sleep
as you eat
and even now as ***** kisses your lips.
Somehow her presence offers peace
and I have begun to only welcome her.
I give myself to her more and more each time,
as I am aware she knows firsthand how to break an angel

I will trust you
and believe I deserve better
when you are willing to be more obliging
than these demons.
I will not beg for a caring hand
when I already have a comfortable darkness
I know will never leave me.

Each sip I take
only brings more shame
for me to gulp down my throat
I sit and wonder
If this is how my dad felt
when he chose liquid gold
over his wife and kids
Is this how my mom felt
when she chose poison in her veins
over making sure her children graduate
I finally understand
As I sit here choosing blurred visions
over every piece of myself
That when you are this numb
the disappointment doesn’t matter anymore

I’ll tell you I have been crying
for the last three hours
and the thing is
I was so strong for so long
that it was just one small incident
which caused me to crack
and now that I’ve cracked,
I can only continue to crumble
until I become the nothing
I’ve always thought i was

If you keep treating me as a poison,
I will only consume myself entirely.

How do you tell the people
who love you the most
that you don’t want to be here anymore
How do you say,
I promise it’s not you or your fault,
there is just so much pain.  
How do you look them in the eyes
and apologize for not being strong enough,
for not being able to make it to
your own wedding or your college graduation.
How do you tell them you never
planned on making it to them
in the first place.
All I can offer them is an
I’m sorry, I love you.
Thank you for loving me more than I could myself

Im sitting here with my heart
right up in my throat
and I swallow,
These last few days have just been so low
and I don’t know if I have the strength
that I need to climb out right now
I keep digging myself deeper
and fill my hole with liquid courage
to make me forget that I have none
This is just another episode to ride out
but man, I’m so f*cking tired of crashing