This is gripping me far too tight

I have to lay back

find a way out

and coast.

I am happy I am happy I am happy
but I cannot love myself.

At least I have not learned how to yet.

Oh how the idle words fly from my mouth like poison darts. They shoot and drown the nearest heart that means the most to me.

I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry.

To take them back would be an art that needs a lifetime of honing.

Even then.. oh even then…

I am a twice multiplied soul. I can act, I sing and sway the outsiders to a mirage of the image of exactly who I want to be

and in here
oh in here…
I am a ****** thing.

The tongue is an untameable thing and I’m grasping at the reins, yet off we fly over the edge and into the abyss.
Condemn. Step lightly. Speak slightly. Don’t fight me. Who spake these blasphemes in your ear and into your heart?
He says, you are not who you are, you are something else. You know, you know so well. Come out. Don’t hide. You’re safe with Me… I would not trade you for anything.

My mind, it drowns me.

Life
it is a strange thing…

an exquisite creature…

And I am not entirely sure if it bends, or breaks, or bubbles up and floats away—the colours shift and melt and seep through the holes of floors and ceilings. It spreads like a plague from one broken body to another— or it is a light hush upon the breeze carrying our inspired hearts to higher places?…

The awe is so immense, in times like these. I feel the vibe. I just wish you all could see, with eyes I have been blessed with…

Just a touch, a second is half the wait till eternity, just hold in, hold on, hold up.

It is calm.

It is simple.

It is finished.

Until I break my heart of hatred down to a core of patience and compassion

I will bring my talents back, they will thrive, and I wont throw away what You've given me any more

I will try to believe you when you said, its not too late for any of these things to happen.

I believe in your victory.
And when that day comes
I will be able to sleep
At ease
Knowing you are free.

I am nothing
next
to you.

Reach your hands out to sea
I’ll take them willingly
If you would so benignly please
An unworthy host as me.

I could believe in hope elsewhere
To run a hand through other soft hair
But I am far too unaware
Of strength residing deep down there.

You meant too much
I felt too little
When I was with you
All along

Called out of border
To carry the fears away
Of the peoples’ dreams
Seaside homes, under a great
Dark
Cloud.

Unbeknownst to me, I left
With you behind, I hardly wept
You tried to hold me close
With eyes beseeching
Won’t you love me?
With me breathing,
Can’t I love her?

You tried, I failed
You believed that love would dwell in my heart for you
I had missed any intentions
Of a future
Bright
Between the spaces of our fingers
Holding on
To the other.

Dreams have soared through my nighttime mind
Your hands may still stretch out
And I could perhaps
Dream of a day where it would kick enough sense around
In this
****
Brain

That I should have loved you when I had the chance.

But for now across this sea
A life is lost
My only companion is this gray dog
He never leaves my side

I should have never left yours.

when you can barely
put these thoughts
into words?

I am intrigued.
In the daytime I’m happy and nothing seems to bother me too much.
I go about my day good naturedly and laugh and smile a lot.
When night comes all the things my thoughts come back and I become sad.
Everything that makes me upset jumps around and shuts out my joy and it’s really overwhelming.. No matter how happy my day was.
This happens all the time now.

I do love my life.. It’s the foul black night that tempts me.
Yet I still somehow love the night..

Still i must strain to see through blurred eyes, my Creator is cradling me under moon and sun.

good night earth

"I'd become what I've always hated, when I was with you then."

You can’t pretend to care
You can only try
To suppress
How much caring
There really is
Inside..

The kids don’t cry anymore.

I tried to breathe in more air than my heart could take
and at once my veins and capillaries burst
I felt no more strength
to stop my bones from giving way, oh they parted ways
and a black realm
with faint fragments of light and of spectral array
swallowed me
up.