I saw your smiling face
breathing out your finest talents
I saw the masses stop and stare in awe
at all your beauty and
the work of your hands
singin’ out blessing and what He gave you
it was such
a defining moment
in my pride
and humility.

I felt my heart lift as
I built off this happiness and intrigue
my eyes shine always when I see you become
admired, purely, completely
as you should be,
as you deserve to be
I always tipped my head
in confusion
to your shame.

I wanted to tell you
I decided to
of how great you sang and made the words
so free floating and swirling about in our ears and in the air
your craft was honed with every touch of grace
that a talent has been created to bear.

I stepped forward
with the honest words on my tongue
and I drew so close
but stopped.
I was held back
by worry and unnamed fear and a lack of certainy
and bravery.

I felt the praises freeze in my mouth
not escaping past
the walls of my teeth.

I sigh, hold it together girl, your time will come.
I carry on
watch on
you continue to shine yourself bright
unknowingly as it may be
Harvest your blessing, man
and just like everyone else you are a work of art.

and though I cower in silence
You have never failed
to make me proud.

I am happy I am happy I am happy
but I cannot love myself.

At least I have not learned how to yet.

Oh how the idle words fly from my mouth like poison darts. They shoot and drown the nearest heart that means the most to me.

I am sorry I am sorry I am sorry.

To take them back would be an art that needs a lifetime of honing.

Even then.. oh even then…

I am a twice multiplied soul. I can act, I sing and sway the outsiders to a mirage of the image of exactly who I want to be

and in here
oh in here…
I am a ****** thing.

The tongue is an untameable thing and I’m grasping at the reins, yet off we fly over the edge and into the abyss.
Condemn. Step lightly. Speak slightly. Don’t fight me. Who spake these blasphemes in your ear and into your heart?
He says, you are not who you are, you are something else. You know, you know so well. Come out. Don’t hide. You’re safe with Me… I would not trade you for anything.

My mind, it drowns me.

leakin through my veins
seepin past my heart
it freezes my soul
can’t get past the cold
air of the dark-
ness
that I breathe in
scream to fight off
but it won’t stay off
i’m betrayed and i’ve frayed to shards of
an old ghost
lost my glow
lost that elected touch.

Oh I want the goodness
but the goodness don’t want me.
or could it be…

“Help me get out, hell is holdin on.”

is for peacekeeping-
and the sleepy.
and one is me,
the other I strive to be.

goodnight, earth

Life
it is a strange thing…

an exquisite creature…

And I am not entirely sure if it bends, or breaks, or bubbles up and floats away—the colours shift and melt and seep through the holes of floors and ceilings. It spreads like a plague from one broken body to another— or it is a light hush upon the breeze carrying our inspired hearts to higher places?…

The awe is so immense, in times like these. I feel the vibe. I just wish you all could see, with eyes I have been blessed with…

Just a touch, a second is half the wait till eternity, just hold in, hold on, hold up.

It is calm.

It is simple.

It is finished.

I will destroy the death in me. the plagues that soak my mind and thoughts.
my bones will hold strong and keep their frame in Your surpassing strength.
If it weren’t for my broken heart i would never be this close to peace.
i’ll breathe your blood as long as i live

My eyes are open…

and everything still moves in slow motion.

I traded gold for my birthrights once before.
no, not again.
won’t happen again.

Sun rays can warm the skin to the bones beneath, but what can thaw a frozen heart like mine?

Ruts. holes. trenches. i am in a fixed state.  

Watch the dirt part ways as I ascend from the filth.

You will never know where I go when I hurt.
You will never understand the tongue I speak in.
You will never pry into my mind, you will only ever see the surface of me.
You will not get me to reveal any important piece of the things I love and fear in life.
To be truthful, your black heart is too corrupt for me to bear, i cannot be around you for it. We are like oil and water, you and I.
I can’t take you, and you won’t come close to my heart.
So few can, because I know they are real and more good than evil.
Sorry but that’s just the way it is.
This is my game and I control who enters the field and who stays out, far away.