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little Bird Jul 2013
I took a shower and went to sleep
immediately after I was *****
I tried to wash it off
or sleep it away
but it stayed
in denial
I thought the past isn't permanent
and that nothing is
because I thought time would heal me
friends would hear me
and I would always recognize my own face
none of those things turned out to be true
I don't know who I am
or if time and friendship really exist
because I can't find them anywhere
looking under crystal rocks
Plato says that we know what love is
by understanding everything it is not
I'm finding out what permanence is
by process of elimination
all I know is
I couldn't wash it off
Still working on it.
little Bird Jul 2013
Days come and go so fast and still I find myself mostly alone
yet, I always know you'll be there when I come home
that's really all I can ask
spontaneity and our gummy bear flask
best friends and you don't know the whole truth
that strangely makes me more comfortable around you
don't tread lightly
or think about my struggle nightly
feeling alone again
strange version of where this darkness began
now that you're far away
even our flask couldn't stay
it's been 20 days since you left me here
can't believe I have to wait a whole year
cause I need a best friend
to stop me from diving into the deep end
you always keep me on pace
suddenly feeling like I should start a high speed chase
so I can feel the adrenaline pumping hard
madness overcomes my body left scarred
feel myself pushing people away
don't want them to see me this way
gazing at the face of danger
turning myself into a stranger
I don't have anyone to keep me in line anymore
to ask me who I'm living for
you come back and I'll elude to my scandalous nights
recklessly leaping from great heights
cause when you walk too far alone
it's so easy to keep your secrets your own
when the *** and drugs consume me
I'll be a ****** up kind of free
that's what I want right now
when there's no one to hold me down
days come and go so fast and I still find myself mostly alone
can't wait till you come home
For my roommate Angela because I miss her and I'm scared.
little Bird Jul 2013
You didn’t know what to say
And neither did I;
But you showed up
And you always do
I wish there was a stronger way to say “Thank you”
For Madeline
little Bird Jul 2013
I still see my dad the way I did when I was seven
I think I always will
I barely notice him age until I clear my eyes
clear the memories that make up who he is
who he has been to me
run to the door he's home for the night
little girl playing pool he'll teach me right
he wears the necklace we made with beads
make a game of pulling weeds
eyes like grandma's icy blue
consistent and true
welcome me home like they always do
roles these days have been reversed
I walk through the door he hugs me first
the wrinkles around his eyes begin to shape
pain in his hip he tries to escape
yet, I see my dad steady and playful at 43
a part of my memory where he'll always be,
makes me wonder how he sees me
guess I don't blame him that he can't let me go
feels like time should pass more slow
I bet he sees me at 7 years too
the picture with my lips turned candy blue
carry me on his shoulders
strong arms seem like boulders
seven
not old enough to know that our childish fun
will one day be gone
seven
shame I don't believe in heaven.
little Bird May 2013
19
Beaten and broken down,
abandoned
by the only one I believed to care,
the only one who knew me
didn't feel so alone in this city
Our closeness lasted a year to the day
we met and lost it all the weekend of our birthday
The things I won’t tell you now
secrets deep inside
I’m always trying to hide.
Truth be told,
we’ll never be the same
cause my heart still hurts
and you don't know what it is to feel true pain.
I read that the tortured stay tortured
Someone like me
The person you no longer see.
It’s not over
just never the way we used to be
Until we turned twenty.
little Bird Apr 2013
My momma, she taught me to be a lady
never treat a lady sister shady
to walk with my head held high
respect is to look me in the eye
to always be polite
it doesn't matter who is right
say please and thank you
give credit where it is due
and you
who taught you to be a man?
who are you trying to be better than
who taught you to talk down to me
like I’m some kind of discount deli meat
cause I walk down the street
strangers whisper “hey ****”
then they flex for me
“I’m just looking to get more ***** in my life"
keys between my fingers cause I can't carry a knife
“****, where you going tonight?”
this **** well ain’t right.
Cars beep and slow down as I walk alone
asking if they can pick me up and take me home
it’s not a compliment, more of a threat
heightened consciousness makes me sweat
feel unprotected, cheap
another car horn beep
you gents just don’t see it
the wrongs those guys commit
the slimy unyielding stare
cause when it happens you’re not there.
little Bird Apr 2013
A call
it’s bad news
there is a grave tone
transferred over the phone
but the words are matter of fact
I feel it in my bones
Death is the conversation
keep it short
so the shock subsides
time to make plans
plans to come home
plans to honor
plans to bury.
I knew this day would come
I just hoped not today
and every day
I hoped my world wouldn’t be changed.
For Olivia in her time of hurt and loss
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