Gone are the days
of overlapping circumstance
Now I am simply
a girl
walking this dreaded trail
with flowers in my hair

-cj

The divine inevitable remnants of the past,
how we'd know them anywhere
we carry them every place we go, not a day
goes by without them
don't try to forget
it's not a curse
just a glimpse of miserable nothings
don't run away from them,
even if they at times hold you captive
for they turn your covering to steel
not lacking in feeling, but stronger than
the wool that once embedded your being
it is how we become

-cj

if pain speeds the art
pierce away, pierce away

-cj

remember that this is about
the bare min
passing
with limping colours

-c.j.

I am blind
Not the blackened eyes
Hollowed out with a spoon
The worse kind
Seeing each angle
in the street's shadows
and the hesitations
in the walls
Frantically searching
for something to feel
Or whatever once
enlightened me
But those mercies have died
and like the young teeth through which
I've sadly lied
The light, the candle, the dripping wax
Solemnly blend into my oblivion

-cj

symptoms of spring fever:
is it aftermath of a cruel winter?
or hungry anticipation for summer?
everything is alive, and new
except for you, except for you
you have never felt less alive

-c.j.

Patience is a virtue, rebellion is a sin
Going on tangent makes me want to
touch you

-cj

air is for the body, but the mind is shakespeare's-
sister maria hates the bells and sings, "if only I knew girls like me"
roses bloom sweet, and romance seems so far away
in the morning sermon, all breathe and everyone is
skimming the bible for poetic entries
this is for the body, but the mind is
bequeathed to language and linguistic love

-c.j.

tis fragile-
it is ruined when tugged and distorted
by thought
it is perfect, alone

-c.j.

Greetings, superficial
Question with an immediate answer
While I don't mean to impose
I'd like to not be the one who goes
Sliding glass, our metaphor
Cold night versus perfect morning
Yes, I see you, I always see you
And oh, how it has troubled and
fulfilled me
Conclusions, never reached
We only know that we know each other

-c.j.

it's only a universe between us, you whisper
it's unlike anything you've ever laid eyes on, this world
the figment has arrived, the close leaked onto
the blank in your book
why did it twist you like early winds swallow the woods?
thought it could- there's a part looming, and you're unaware
are you sitting there, watching the clock until I meet you?
clutch you wholly, singly

the middle is here
you give, you take
vain subject
mutter it and it'll manifest itself

we can remain in the present if we surrender the past
the wayward flowers for pleasantries bought
the fearful and selfish in the hurricane, latching onto
lost dependencies, onto last echoes of ourselves
of a beginning- it's superior to the ******
it's only the universe between us, you whisper
peaks in your chest make you cold
peaks in your chest make coldness dwell

-c.j.

while the older kids threw parties,
we threw darts
mathematics held us hostage every school night
numbers spiralling endlessly, halves unloved
halves must divide
tug-of-war, playground trivialities
kids of the wear-and-tear
worry the other kind to pray when
the day meanders

-c.j.

hey              what else is there to say
maybe
                     what the hell is going on
why are you a.w.o.l.
this is alot of time
I'm willing to waste
but that is waning
so pick up the phone
dial my number, hear the rings
                     if I don't answer
you've got a  s i l e n t  audience
                     but I'm willing to listen
so say hey                      like before
give us a chance
to stay that way

-c.j.

However,  our differences peaked, and the stitches came undone:
neither of us lost
but
neither of us won

-cj

the tower holds no princess, only water,
the life of these parts- without it, they'd drop dead
blues and greys of the skies don't interrupt the inner waves
they know they must only hover

-c.j.

I want to stand by you and
be simply                   there
no questions
the answers are already obvious
because now is a time
in which I don't wish to try
to be too alive
burrowing a bit
into your shoulder
and you won't shrug me off
you want simple              there-ness, too

-c.j.

You are cumbersome with your resume in my face
This is the working world, not a respite for your imagination, and the wild things that live there
Now isn't it heavenly, having to labour to get by?

-cj

Let me go, please
But no, there is more to reveal, more to
uncover to the exterior
Now I know that to these words
I am eternally inferior

-cj

While he walks
the lonesome path
She sits there idle
quoting plath
ring ring ring
goes the phone
They seize the morning
but only for so long

-cj

Hopeless virgins curl on the edges of the centre
of what all the talk is about
How vain it seemed to be sinful
and get away with it
But how lifeless it is to live
without shocks and sparks

-cj

Juliet on her balcony
me in my bed
Romeo in his knee
you in your chair
the books aligned
and stars shine
even if they are crossed
our papers shuffle amongst themselves
shying away from the inevitable morning

-c.j.

I lost the paper that has what I wanted to say
please excuse my improvisation and wandering gaze
as I stumble through my speech
in front of the crowd, I am reminded of terrors and
horrors that come with forgetting
so here I am, scouring my internal archives
I'm sorry, again

-c.j.

She is the girl
who writes sonnets
about your eyes
and all the many things
they do to her

-cj

you puncture every cell of me
and I bleed so willingly

-cj

You've probably bought her a rose
and she squealed like it was the
single most important moment
of her life
Had you bought me that rose
it'd better have been black
It would be stupid to say
I wouldn't reciprocate the gesture
So I'd run my fingers in ink
creating something trying to be
as emotionally effective
as a flower

-cj

I'm split in two
I'm half happy
and half blue

-cj

she took one wrong turn and it made her go mad
it was dark, it was night, it was frightening
she was afraid and bit her lip,
what would her parents say?
roses bloom when a familiar road came into sight
(when half-spent was the night)

-cj

not now, young one
beam and I wish the decay twists well inside,
not to her preferred suffering
continue, you're just doing as you're told
the experiment reveals it all, but I'm not
faking and you stay here despite
the streets being mine
and mine means out of your hands,
to be let down by a spiritual façade
wolves on the edges, the floor begins to higher
you crave compensation, you've received it, now
nothing distracts the mindless, so continue

-c.j.

I'd tell you I love you
to the moon and back
But then I'd be
some kind of
lunar liar

-cj

Voids to fill, lines to occupy, a boat to construct, people to please
And then there's more
Me
I have to be me
I said I was confused and they said they understood
I said I wanted to be alone and they tried to soothe me
I said I wanted them to leave and they came closer
I said no and they said yes
I said something else but it was in between my sheets and the window woke me

-cj

He left
He said, it's over
He had to catch a plane
He ran to another
He stayed,
which was the most troubling of them all

-cj

What I've loved has gone pale and shrunken to ice on the road
It didn't even say goodbye-
But I guess we're all in a hurry

-cj

Love was either cheap or too expensive
and I didn't want an excuse nor a luxury
Just something real

-cj

All of this in one mind plus thousands of other cares penetrating me and I lay in bed, but the tears won't come-
I'm too empty
They come eventually
The will to live has undeniably left me

-cj

yeah there are things you will never know
I am not a crystal flask, dear observer,
queer onlooker (but it's not like I'm the normal one)
you can try to peel back the skin and inquire of my interior just what fun I've been having
they're daily dives into a miserable variety and disclosing the rest
deserves a warning of graphic material to come
if you can handle that
lean in close
much closer
now
do you hear that?
silence
a terrible nothing
and that is all that is left

-c.j.

He says hello to old friends
When she sees him
She swears she has the bends
He whispers
And her heart drops for a second
How beautiful,
They both think
As she runs her fingers through her hair
He pictures his threading softly through
Among other things
And above their consciences
The wilder laws
Come onto the scene

-cj

She made a list of things to avoid
Cliches, alcohol, and cons
She made a list of things to embrace
Books, rain, strawberries
She made a list of things to do
Read books without cliches,
drink ****** strawberry drinks
and run home in the rain
to escape the liars
She rolled her eyes
and sighed
and thought
"by their fruits shall ye know them"

-cj

deny it, go ahead and try it
drink from that bitter cup
take your lips and sew them up
get all the help you can
drag your knees, now
the door only locks anyways,
it's never enough
it's a shock to your system
everyone's with them
you're left to sit in the cold
drag your knees, now
get all the help you can

-cj

Don't call
I'll probably
just start
murmuring something
about
nuclear weapons
behind my
clavicles

-cj

What I cling to are wicked traditions
These ruthless rituals
Oh, they are merely
What I cannot live without

-cj

isn't the wall at the door supposed to end up
in the fireplace?
the chimney beckons him and he obliges and
continues to whistle the chorus of his death march
thinking he'd sleep like a baby tonight

-c.j.

The sad facts are once again I am alone
and that I know I am
What am I expecting?
An emergence of new lines to trace,
muted histories in old dusty books
Crazed songs set to wild dances
What is there left for you to offer me
besides the nothing you've already
given?
Apathy, maybe, or a chance to be
drenched in utterly ****** contradiction

-cj

these are the first words of a new song
I am sorry if I get them all wrong
my body is porcelain and my mind is
a house of cards
the wall is the law
and it's closing in

-c.j.

Open your heart, they said
You will find what is right for you
But as the songs/books/faces/walls
ricochet between my eyes,
I know all I want is somewhere
other than here

-cj

what a shallow ending to such
a beautiful beginning, darling
we thought we could breathe
without lungs
underwater
I guess we learn the hardest way

what a comatose close to what
we started, darling
why don't you come close and
scream in my ear?
besides, your voice is all I hear
love dives into us
then leaks out of our mouths
we thought we were heading north
when really we were due south
our hearts have sunk to
the depths below
but they still hurt

-c.j.

Youth knew no pain, alright: it was in their bones
Breaking the inhibitions whilst pressing knowledge, yes
It was a sobering day

-cj

windows couldn't fool you
sorry, this is a trick, no different
from last time
stop your repeated nothings about it
come on, we're worth it
and you know it

-c.j.

She thought he was in love with the other, when the truth, how it'd happily smother that laughable falsehood

-cj

In my dreams
we are much closer
and you are not as distant
In my dreams
we touch and it is a kind of
magic I enjoy
And waking is what I dread
the most, because
In my dreams
you are not who you are
in the daytime

-cj

Even if it all is a dream
It is not just a dream
Not merely a vision of some sleepy sort
that vanishes when sunlight enters my
eyes again
I clutch the stories and they whisper
themselves back to me as the day goes

-cj