I dreamt of dissonance
Chords perfection could not match
I slept in the contradicting harmony of it
Playing the same keys over to make sure
it wasn't sheer luck
that began the vivid melody
in my brain and through my body
I dreamt of dissonance
And now I hope to forever

-cj

He says hello to old friends
When she sees him
She swears she has the bends
He whispers
And her heart drops for a second
How beautiful,
They both think
As she runs her fingers through her hair
He pictures his threading softly through
Among other things
And above their consciences
The wilder laws
Come onto the scene

-cj

I'd walk around the neighbourhood alone like I was out of reasons to stay inside
The night never shunned me, and we became great friends
As I'd stare up at the pearly moon
and dark blue universe
and wonder how this has happened
in this strangely beautiful way
Concepts batter my heart and
mar my chest, and
inevitably, I cry
And when I get back to the house I sleep in
Wipe the tears out of my face
and open the door
to close it on the nocturne

-cj

You lock your desire inside and
I hate how you do that
I know you see me, and
you have for the past seven months
Now why must we be
separate as isles in the sea?
You remember how I told you
what you were to me
Blissful time passes and
We do as well
How I yearn for the moment you
lift the rusty metal off your door
to let me in

-cj

We had all the same friends
as children do
Cookie-cutter neighbourhoodish suburbia
Green grass glinting from the lawn
Shivering dew in the dawn
Thank yous and you're welcomes
And merry christmas
And a happy new year
Echoed throughout the decade
When we grew up, or grew out
of what we were
The years never really seemed
all that happy or new
But looking back on them
We say they were our favourite times
When innocence wasn't wrong
When we could play and work
and only see slight differences
When there was something to live for
Back when we all had the same friends
Same beginnings, but different ends

-cj

In my dreams
we are much closer
and you are not as distant
In my dreams
we touch and it is a kind of
magic I enjoy
And waking is what I dread
the most, because
In my dreams
you are not who you are
in the daytime

-cj

I can remember the part
of the night
that was more grey
than the others
I cry as the question
is the only thing
I can see
and the "neutral" song
winds in my ears
and out of my soul,
lingering there
to touch my salt tears

-cj

Let's make things fun,
I whisper
and pull you to my chest
Your breaths are getting heavy
as we slowly undress
Our lips, ribbons meeting
Our heartbeats, swiftly fleeting
Until the clock screams and I see
the white of my ceiling

-cj

Freezing cells into place
Carved-out space
Most of the possessors are
****** queens
with unseeable crowns
and tethered gowns
The particles assemble, dissemble
And in their midst
Oh, how I tremble

-cj

I am alone
You are in between your comrades
We are something
I am sad
You are laughing at a dry joke
We are something
I am dying
You are jumping
We are something
I am something dead, babe
You are just beginning to live
We are estranged but
We are something

-cj

To be carried
No footprints
In the snow
Or traces
In the wind
A travesty
Against nature
A sin against
Integrity
But I fall
And am swept up
And I do not say a word
For I know
Without these arms
Is the end of the world

-cj

The peace in the pieces
left from the war
Mock and spit at us
in every direction
But the veterans
look down from heaven
Or wherever they went
And tell us
to ignore them
They are wasted and spent

-cj

She made a list of things to avoid
Cliches, alcohol, and cons
She made a list of things to embrace
Books, rain, strawberries
She made a list of things to do
Read books without cliches,
drink ****** strawberry drinks
and run home in the rain
to escape the liars
She rolled her eyes
and sighed
and thought
"by their fruits shall ye know them"

-cj

Juliet on her balcony
me in my bed
Romeo in his knee
you in your chair
the books aligned
and stars shine
even if they are crossed
our papers shuffle amongst themselves
shying away from the inevitable morning

-c.j.

yeah there are things you will never know
I am not a crystal flask, dear observer,
queer onlooker (but it's not like I'm the normal one)
you can try to peel back the skin and inquire of my interior just what fun I've been having
they're daily dives into a miserable variety and disclosing the rest
deserves a warning of graphic material to come
if you can handle that
lean in close
much closer
now
do you hear that?
silence
a terrible nothing
and that is all that is left

-c.j.

you could say I have an addiction
to obsessing over
every square centimeter
of your existence
but that's not wrong
it's no legal infraction
to be so immensely captivated
by the shadows on your cheeks
and the dizzying inflections of
your voice
surely I am not crazy
you are
for being so ridiculous
and impossible
to forget

-c.j.

fragile china teacups
lined up like soldiers
on the table
beneath lace and under sable
lies a yearning to break and
smear blood throughout the room and
look back in awful ecstasy

-c.j.

am I dead yet
is the sky blue still
I'm waiting for it all to go black
a hopeless pitch nothingness
anything but what the prior days
have streaked into my conscience's stream

-c.j.

songs of a funeral, possible recovery,
a grain of salt
the river saw me that night
it keeps its word
so I won't have to be shoved
under the bright light

-c.j.

you and I walk
I don't want to leave this, not yet
stepping in sync with you
is the one thing I have done right
in a long time

-c.j.

I pull your arm and drag you
into the lone corner
where none can see us
what is the matter
is it something I've done
neither the former nor the latter
there's another who replaces me
and when I try to describe what I feel
all possible witnesses are rescued
from such a raw opening of my darker side

-c.j.

chambers are stained magenta
and vivider dreams paint
themselves throughout
each moment is another vessel
and a chance
rose petals fold in and shield
from the thorns

-c.j.

radio babble
an instance of purer lessenings
in probability
listening for the catch
the snag, the definition
anything
then we were home

-c.j.

breathing hasn't been this hard before
there are wild bells ringing within me
still my shy lungs
are quiet, then taunted with
smoke and yesterday's warmth

-c.j.

I am not up against an artless rival,
it seems
the revenge is crafty and the underhand
is lethal
but I cannot be stunned
please forgive me when I do this
what you never thought would occur
is now a harsh reality in your teeth

-c.j.

hey              what else is there to say
maybe
                     what the hell is going on
why are you a.w.o.l.
this is alot of time
I'm willing to waste
but that is waning
so pick up the phone
dial my number, hear the rings
                     if I don't answer
you've got a  s i l e n t  audience
                     but I'm willing to listen
so say hey                      like before
give us a chance
to stay that way

-c.j.

lose yourself in the taste of
fierce freedom in your mouth
yell from the rooftops
how we feel
isn't just another morsel of smalltalk

-c.j.

clicks are the sound as the sidewalk
is the misty stage
it's too early
and too late
to go back to sleep

-c.j.

you say I'm bitter
and I know I am
I'd just like to say
how wonderful it's been
feeling lesser
than everyone else
a forced inferiority
I would trade for hour-long
charlie horses
thanks for the lack of passion, boy
your apathy is especially becoming
yeah, my sarcasm's so thick
you could cut it with a knife
but let me stab our balloons first

-c.j.

break the seal of the envelope
to view the sender's pity on paper
but please rush to open the letter
because I want to talk to you
for a while, if only one-sidedly

-c.j.

the hotter the water
the more it bites my skin
the less I think about
ugly conventions that
otherwise shroud my vision
a smoky vapour filters
and everything will work out

-c.j.

instead of typical introductions
our voices just sort of came out of their beds
and began something we both admit within
to like very much

-c.j.

I didn't do it today
I don't know if
                          I should be proud
or
                          upset with myself
sometimes
                   the
                         easy things
and            the
                         hard things
get all wound up in one another
and that's okay

-c.j.

I want to stand by you and
be simply                   there
no questions
the answers are already obvious
because now is a time
in which I don't wish to try
to be too alive
burrowing a bit
into your shoulder
and you won't shrug me off
you want simple              there-ness, too

-c.j.

what a pretty face
no real structure
but some kind of melody
plays in her eyes
the undeniable kind
that continues even when
you look away

-c.j.

remember that this is about
the bare min
passing
with limping colours

-c.j.

x's and o's
kiss me on the nose
lines, parallel and sound
make my eyes grow big
and round
stitched in ****** sequence
our segments overlap
something harmonious

-c.j.

pawns didn't do me much good
but friends do what they can
sure, the timing was a flattering element
but what am I
a useless chess piece
quick, your queen is calling
I'll be in the border between the
black and the white if you need me

-c.j.

can I take a picture so I can stare at you
whenever I want
you can take a picture so you can stare at me
whenever you want
it's only fair
this attraction is severe and
becoming a ringing in my ears
and everywhere else
I guess there is no way to stop it
so why don't we just revel in it?

-c.j.

did I ever think I could get past this
without a relentless spinning of
nostalgia records playing in my head
as we disconnect
admit the nauseous narcissism
that foments within
**** this
should we rebegin?

-c.j.

what a surprise, being alone
never thought I was capable of it
I'm a cynic with a bitter tongue
I can give you something to run from
psychedlic caresses, navy sky
surrounds my vision
is it really just another night?

-c.j.

splattered in the kitchen
early morning chaos
red purple mauve silk
to settle the tummy
plastic wrench-aways
and a pressing watching oven clock

-c.j.

if only I were an optimist
half-full glasses and seratonin
by the masses
some days the light can blare
however today I think
I'll sit
and not care

-c.j.

you give me impulses
to scream and break
everything I own
I am fragile and weak
in the night I creep along
trying to find a last defense
gruelingly brushing my hair
out of my eyes
vexed and haunted by desire
call me a ***** wicked liar
then kiss me to silence

-c.j.

mad talk echoing round my ears
is giving me the bends, baby
courage melts in my pockets
hello my name is buttercup
mouthwash swisher and a real
bad washer disher

-c.j.

why is it that when we sit down
we hate to stand up?
grab tuning forks to bang the table up with
making music, honey
a ravished sense of peculiarity
will ensue, you'll see
this is the way it's supposed to be

-c.j.

jaw locked and you're running down the stairs
got alot on your mind but
you'll be alright, it's only life
feeling like a bullet's struck and
the heart's been hit real hard
******* it up, spitting it out,
relying on human nature
continue, grit and grittier you,
on the money and in control

-c.j.

run your finger across my teeth,
you wicked child
call me in the morning,
call me in the evening
probably making the same mistakes
again and again and again
mistakes are making us
again and again and again
we're the cards nobody wants
take us out of the stack
so we can have that playdate

-c.j.

don't get all riled up
this is not a pipe
yeah, I said what I thought
I guess it wasn't fate's favourite
I am so confused but at the same time
you say it's not gonna work
implying that it's futile
it is not wise
and I know why not

-c.j.

windows couldn't fool you
sorry, this is a trick, no different
from last time
stop your repeated nothings about it
come on, we're worth it
and you know it

-c.j.